Welcome to the first edition of “Starring Audrey,” my weekly astro-finance column for the gay with or without pay! In addition to these tidbits, I do offer birth chart readings, synastry readings (using the charts of you and your loved one), and Tarot readings. Readings can be done in person, over the phone, or recorded and sent. Contact me at audrey@queercents.com. I look forward to being your newest astro-guide!

Leo

Yes, it’s your time of year, and yes, you feel like pitching in for a $90 haircut. Honey, it’s WORTH IT. Any coin you drop on image right now will take flight. Just don’t put those pennies towards anything weighty…it’s high time to be a dumb blonde.

Virgo

It’s all action with you these days. Just be careful that you don’t burn your energy out and have to turn this great opportunity to stash cash into a long receipt at the pharmacy.

Libra

Truth be told, much of the hard work you’ve been doing to get your house in order is paying off. It’s easy to get your panties in a knot over the attention you’re getting of late. Behave.

Scorpio

Maybe you will have a windfall this week, or maybe something bad will turn into an unexpected blessing. Either way, this is the stuff stories are built on. Get your glam outfit ready!

Sagittarius

Good fortune comes for you now through: sigh, work. But I’m not talking shovelling snow, Queen, I’m talking CAREER. I’m talking LIFE PATH. Any which way you toss it, harness your skills to pay the bills.

Capricorn

Get your lover to put some sugar in your bowl. Make sure that sugar is bankable. Ask.

Aquarius

Rage against the system if you will, but this week may be more confusing if you try and untangle it. Slap on your worker-bee pants and don’t make any major financial decisions.

Pisces

A fantasy from the past allows you kickback for your present. Who cares about money? You get cozy in the sack.

Aries

Treat this like a koan: serious play. Serious play. I am not kidding.

Taurus

If you can manage to yank yourself out of the grass from your constant summer nap, look for knick-knacks in your house that you no longer need, use, or like. Sell those puppies like they’re going out of style (because they already have).

Gemini

You may feel stymied, but at least you haven’t lost the gift of gab. Count on the same person or event that has you with stubbed toes teaching you a new way to conserve your energy.

Cancer

What makes you feel most comfortable, safe, loved? That, and only that, is what to plunk your money down on. Everything else is irrelevant this week.