Pam & Kate

This week, Queercents interviews Pam and Kate in North Carolina. They love to dress up, eat out and never fight about finances. Pam is the publisher of Pam’s House Blend and because they’re frugal, money flows like an endless pot of coffee.

How long have you been together?
Almost 4 years.

How did money first come up in your relationship?
Pam: Before we lived together, we were endlessly driving back and forth between my house in Durham and her apartment in Chapel Hill, and we decided that she was throwing money away not being in her place half the time. Not long thereafter we decided to go ahead and move in, thus saving a ton of money by living together and saving time as well!

Kate: It came up when we were dating, we alternated paying when we went out to dinner and it made no sense to do that and it led to the joint account.

Checking and savings accounts: Joint or separate?
Pam: Both. We have joint savings and checking, as well as our own savings accounts.

What is your worst habit around finances?
Pam: We go out to dinner a lot, otherwise we are pretty frugal.

Kate: I occasionally forget to write down what I’ve used my debit card for and trust the bank’s balance rather than my own.

Do you rent or own and how do you divide the bills?
Pam: We own the house together (joint tenants with right of survivorship). We pay the bills out of our joint account. We both put about the same amount in the joint account each month, and we bring about the same amount home, so it’s pretty much split 50/50 unless one of us has a big one-time expense, the other will pick up the slack to make the household budget.

What is the best gift your mate has ever given you?
Pam: My wedding ring!

Kate: My wedding ring!

Did your parents ever disagree about money? How did they handle it?
Pam: Oh yes; my father is a terrible money manager and insisted on doing it. My mother found that the hard way — he had two failed businesses, didn’t pay his bills and our house went into foreclosure. My mother actually managed money well once he was out of the picture and she had control over it.

Kate: Not that I know of, but I think that was mostly because my dad was the breadwinner. My mom was given money to run the household and pay her expenses. All the big decisions were made by my dad if they ever had a disagreement, though they had common goals.

What is your most significant memory about money?
Pam: Managing the budget for groceries when I was 12 when we were left nearly penniless after my parents divorced. I learned the value of a dollar and how to stretch it.

Kate: Being witness to my grandfather’s obsessive worries about money, about the fear of being unable to pay his bills. He had an irrational fear due to living and working through the Great Depression. Also my mother’s advice that “you don’t spend money that you don’t have.” That’s diametrically opposed to the credit card culture you see today.

What is success?
Pam: Having a loving spouse, a roof over your head, and happy doggies.

Kate: Being able to live comfortably (not in debt), having enough money for retirement, to have a roof over my head, my three dogs and my baby to sit beside me.

What would you do with your life if money were not a consideration?
Pam: Travel. First I’d head to Hawaii (I’ve been twice). I love The Big Island. I would also love to get back to Vancouver, Canada, where we married in 2004. It’s beautiful there, and the people are wonderful. I’d work for progressive change in this sorry-ass conservative culture.

Kate: I don’t know!

What’s been your worst disagreement around finances?
Pam: I don’t think we’ve had any. We’re quite compatible when it comes to when to splurge on something and when to be fiscally responsible.

Kate: I can’t think of any either.

What are your plans for retirement?
Pam: I would love to retire early and blog full-time, but that’s not going to happen (lol). I’ll probably always work in some capacity — probably volunteering to keep conservative Republicans out of office!

Kate: I will work as long as I am physically able to work, though it may not be in the profession I am in now, I want to keep my mind and body as active as possible. I think I would lose something without the structure in life that work provides.

How do you pamper each other?
Pam: Foot massages and back rubs. Long, stimulating dinner conversations.

Kate: Ditto… plus lovely baths, romantic dinners at home. Date nights and dressing up to do something special.

About:
Pam is a North Carolina native and publishes the blog Pam’s House Blend, honored as “Best LGBT Blog” in the 2005 Weblog Awards, and is a contributor to Pandagon.net.

Kate is an audiologist, a big Ab Fab fan, and hails from Birmingham, Alabama. She and Pam live in Durham, NC with their three dogs.