Linnea and Melanie

“Money is not something we ever discuss. Talk of money is like speaking of bodily functions at the dinner table.” — Novelist Elizabeth George in A Traitor to Memory

In case you didn’t notice, we changed the weekly interview format at Queercents. Over the past months, I learned that people are willing to talk about money but less likely to do so in the context of their relationship.

I would still love to interview couples because I think money is one of the more fascinating dynamics between two people. Claire Cloninger once said, “I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan.”

Finding a balance between money styles can be harder than negotiating other things in the relationship. Sex comes to mind. People will talk all day long about how many times a week they’re doing it or not doing it, but ask them when and how money first came up in their relationship and they clam up.

So thanks to the brave ones that participated and if there are still takers out there… well, by all means, be in touch. But for now, I’ve abandoned the Money & Mates Q&A format and switched to Ten Money Questions. We have a terrific line up over the next coming weeks so be sure and check back on Fridays if you’re interested.

Chris Farrell at the public television show, Right on the Money, gets people to talk about it. What’s his secret? He did a show recently about Linnea and Melanie. “Not all couples have the luxury to bask in wedded bliss, and some choose not to, at least ‘legally.’ Since these unions are not recognized in the eyes of the law, many must forego the rights, insurance benefits and tax breaks that come with being a wedded couple. Linnea and Melanie, partners for five years, are still trying to figure out how to live a combined financial existence.” Sounds like Money & Mates interview to me.

“Like any couple that is getting serious about money, there are steps that should be taken to start a future together and to protect one another until the end.” Here are a few tips from Chris:

1. “Pay down debt and set aside more money for retirement.”
2. “Each partner should buy disability insurance to protect his/her current lifestyle in the event of being unable to work for a period of time.”
3. “Keep good records. Make sure each partner makes the other the beneficiary on bank, retirement, investment and other accounts.”
4. “A will is vital for unmarried partners. Make sure the will matches your records — this will keep wishes for one’s estate clear in the eyes of the court.”
5. “Cohabitation agreements can minimize any future stress and financial misunderstanding. It lays a clear plan for the future and addresses a lot of questions that may exist in a relationship, without them surfacing at an emotional time.”
6. “The most important message of all: you must talk about your financial future. Think about your goals, values and priorities, and then transform those ideas into dollars and cents.”

Ahhh… yes, he says you need to talk about money — although most people want to keep this discussion behind closed doors. Are there any comments today about why?