The Cost of Finding God
“God thinks within geniuses, dreams within poets, and sleeps within the rest of us.” — Peter Antenberg
Although Jeanine and I are still not pregnant, we continue to have the “how will we raise our child” conversation when it comes to religion. For the background posts, you can read In Vitro and Baby-Making Business about our pregnancy attempts and for my take on religion, you can read these posts: God and Mammon and Million Dollar Bill.
Needless to say, we’re still on a quest to add a spiritual element to our lives. I think we’ve found the place: the Unitarian church, billed as the Uncommon Denomination. The LA Times describes it as, “Often associated with liberal political and social causes, the church today upholds seven principles promoting tolerance, compassion, justice, spiritual growth, the search for truth, democratic participation and respect for the ‘independent web of all existence of which we are a part.'” It’s a denomination with no formal creed and typically keeps a low profile.
Jeanine and I have attended a few times and dubbed it the Church of PBS. Our local congregation is super intellectual and the service feels more like an 18th century French salon than church. Last week we learned about the Immortal Chaplains, sang a song in Sanskrit, and heard someone quote poetry. The choir and flutist should be paid… they’re quite good.
All this brings me to the topic of money. Church costs money to run. The first Sunday that we attended, I put $20 in the offering plate. Jeanine thought this was way too much. Afterward, we talked about it and I said that it would cost us twenty bucks to go sit at a movie so it only seemed reasonable to somewhat pay our way while we’re guests and checking things out.
This progressed to a bigger conversation about what membership would eventually cost us. So last Sunday, at the coffee hour afterwards I met one of the trustees and quizzed her about the topic. Of course, there’s no mandatory amount but on average each family gives approximately $1,200 a year.
When we got in the car, Jeanine said that she thought $100 a month was outrageous. Jeanine grew up Catholic and her mother just dropped her off at catechism… I don’t think they ever really attended church or belonged anywhere as family. I grew up tithing. Ten percent of our income went to church. I was expected and “encouraged” to give ten percent of any money I earned as a teenager. And I was all about earning money. At 15, I had my first “real” job and from then on I tithed until I left the church at the age of 24.
Jeanine already said we’re not “tithing” 10 percent of our income. But $100 a month seems reasonable to pay if we want to become members. Everything else in life costs money, why should we expect church to be free. I told her if we go and get something out of it, then we should be willing to pay for this experience. Personally, I liked it so much that I would pay more.
I would love to hear what others pay or are expected to pay or any other comments about God and money that you might want to share.
I have never known a church to have you pay to be a member. I have grown up as you have Nina and found that 10% is usually what is standard, but give what you can. Then membership is based on accepting their doctrines/rules, etc.
I agree with your take on “what is the value we are taking away from this experience”. Church is in a very long shot way, a service business. And, when it comes to a service that is non-essential (while I think spiritual component of living is essential it may or may not take the form of a church depending on the idividual) — you get to choose what you’re willing to invest in that part of your life.
So what is the community and the value you get from it worth to you? It sounds like you have some ideas and rationale behind it. There is no right or wrong answer. In my opinion as long as you’re not giving out of guilt (which I saw so much in the catholic church while I was there) — you’re good.
Given the differing of opinions between you & Jeanne maybe this question will be a new one in the Ten Money Questions Series 😉 Like the 18th hole in golf, it’ll be the 11th question!
Giving is good and religious organizations just as any other cannot survive in this world without concrete money. However, I’d make sure to do some thinking about the differences between this kind of realization of the pragmatic realities of the world we live in and the intrinsic values religion can have no exchange value. Is Queercents’ philosophy that everything is reducible to exchnage value? If so, I think that’s not only wrong but extremely dangerous.
There is no way we could afford to tithe (give 10%). That being said, we do hold our home church and Lutheran beliefs dear to us. My partner is the church council president and I have also been on the council. We give of our time and in many other ways support and promote our church. We try to give as we can- I am sad to say that it only ends up being about maybe 3-5%, with an occasional special donation for a building repair or urgent need. I am very emotional when it comes to our church congregation. It has truly been my spiritual home since I was 3 years old and I woud do anything for the building and its congregation! So much growth and good community building comes from our work and fellowship there. Recently, our area’s SAGE chapter has rented space and now has their office in our building. We can’t help but know that our presence in the church has made the gay community no longer scary, but just a different part of the big family. Oh- and we had a huge part in the wording of our church’s very inclusive mission statement- which they truly live by.
I also attend a UU church, found it by reading a book on religions in my public library as I was looking for community.
I’ve spoke to a couple of people who grew up catholic who remember the 10% pledge even if they were quite poor.
I also cancelled my membership to my UU church after someone questioned me when I didn’t want to commit to a doller figure when we lived on $1000/mo. After that I didn’t attend for quite some time as I was very insulted, I later returned and attended regularly as a “friend”. I later reactivated my membership under a new minister and began pledging. I pledge low and give what I can, when I can.
I view my pledge as one that supports the church, its work and its presence but not as “membership” and I’m happy to pay it forward.
Another great, thought-provoking post, thanks Nina!
I have to believe that while churches/Buddhist meditation groups/whatnot definitely have material needs (and probably would like to have a regular stream of income rather than have to go begging constantly) — we have to remember that we’re volunteers, and so are they. We’re not “paying” for enlightenment, we’re trying to support a community so we can seek enlightenment together. Each should give as they can, and as they feel moved, without feeling judged (as Zest did).
I know someone who gives $700 a month to supplement his elderly mom’s Social Security check, which doesn’t leave a lot to support his local church. Fellow church members might see this person as stingy, and not realize he’s giving more that most, just in a different direction. So I try not to judge who gives what, and why.
At my church (Anglican) we have envelopes to give money on. That way nobody sees what you give, and nobody can judge you. The number on the envelopes identifies you so you can get a tax receipt.
I don’t see it as a question of “value”, as if I have to pay according to the benefit I receive. It is a question of my beliefs, and of giving back to God in recognition that everything I have comes from God.
“Tithe” is translated as “tenth” in Hebrew – hence the 10% figure you speak of. My husband and I tithe each month as an act of obedience, love, and acknowledgment that only God can provide for our needs. Life is finite, and tithing is a very small way to express our gratefulness not only to God, but also to our congregation and minister for setting aside their time to teach God’s word. Churches have a budget and bills to pay, just like everyone else. We are supporting the ministry of Christ by making it possible for a full-time pastor to study, learn, outreach, while still being able to spend time with his family.