WWYD: Picking Up the Check
I’m curious how you handle the awkward situation of the pick-up-the-tab-dance.
Picture the scene: you’ve gone out for a nice dinner with friends. Along comes the check and suddenly the tug of war beings:
“I’ll get it.”
“No, I’ll get it.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“What do I owe you?”
“Nothing…”
“OK, thanks…I’ll get it next time.”
And, with each passing moment what was a great get together becomes mildly uncomfortable to downright awkward. Who should pick up the bill? If your friends pick it up does that mean you have to pick it up for the group next time? If you pick it up, will it totally sink your dining out budget? How will it affect your relationship and willingness to go out for the next dining out gathering?
If you’re gathering at some diner somewhere it is not such a big deal. The total damage from the bill won’t be too high (although depending on your budget it could be a big deal to you). If you’re out for a nice evening out of dining, a check for 4 or more people can quickly add up to the several hundred dollar range, especially with drinks. Picking up the check can totally hurt your pocketbook and allowing others to pick up the check can leave you feeling obligated to get it next time or even a bit guilty.
So, how do you handle these moments?
Thankfully, I don’t find myself in this scenario often. Usually if we’re with a group we simply split up the check either evenly across the group or according to each person’s share (if people ordered wildly different priced things). There’s no bickering or showmanship with picking up the tab. Whew! Other times I’ve been out with others for very pricey meals and found myself in the grips of the pick-up-the-tab-dance. In those occasions I’ve often just gone along, graciously allowing someone to pick up the tab knowing that I’ll pick up the tab next time. Although I do know I need to remember to budget for that next time because it’ll be a whopper. What if you’re with others who couldn’t possibly afford to pick up the tab (either now or next time), what then?
With the holiday season upon us, many of us will connect and re-connect with friends, family, and colleagues for a meal or round of drinks. That makes this time of year ripe for the pick-up-the-tab-dance so be prepared with how you want to handle it. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with setting a boundary and simply being gracious, thanking someone for offering to pick up the tab, and then contributing your portion (or perhaps offering to handle the gratuities). The holiday spirit is about being in relationship with others, not breaking the bank because of an awkward social situation. That hangover can be far worse than drinking a few bottles of Two Buck Chuck.
What is your mode of operation for handling the check when you go out for dinner? How do you handle the pick-up-the-tab-dance? What would you do? Please share your stories in the comments below….
Voice your opinion with other questions in the What Would You Do archive.
Generally with my best friends it alternates, there’s the occasional back and forth, but often it all works out, someone got the drinks tab one time, I’ll get the dinner tab another. That really only works when there’s just the 2 of us though, adding more people causes me to ask for separate checks before we order since splitting a tab can really grate on some people’s nerves especially when not everyone in the group is pulling down the same income. To quote the movie Mystery Men, “when you split the check — the steak eater picks the pocket of the salad man.”
With my boyfriend as we’ve been dating barely 3 months, we do our best to split the check, often throwing both debit cards on the table unless one or the other had something much more expensive than the other. Except for his recent birthday weekend, then I paid. 🙂
Though it’s hard to remember to do so, more establishments are servers are much happier when you ask for separate checks ahead of the meal, than trying to sort out who owes what and handing them 8 credit cards when the bill arrives. (Some places in DC print a limit of credit cards accepted per check on the menu)
A funny story my sister Amy told me about picking up the check—
She was out with her friends Janie and Vonne for Janie’s birthday and didn’t feel well- so she went home and left them with a buy one get one coupon for the restaurant. Janie and Vonne went ahead as planned and had their dinner out.
Fast forward a week later- Janie asked Amy how she uses BOGO offers. Amy advised that usually she would just split the tab with a friend so they could both get some cost savings. Then Janie revealed that Vonne had designated HERSELF as the one getting the free meal- on Janie’s birthday! So basically poor Janie, on her birthday, had to buy Vonne dinner! How cheap can you get! (And I do mean cheap- not frugal. Big difference!)
So it has now become our in joke when using a BOGO coupon to get dibs on being the one getting the free meal.
Though I see it happen on occasion, I find “offering to handle the gratuities” to be tacky. If someone pays the bill, don’t ‘ease his pain’ by paying the tip. Instead, graciously accept and leave it at that. Even the “I’ll get it next time” promise need not be said, just do it. Smile, and say “Thank you!”
Ask for separate cheques right from the get-go.
Generally, if it’s just me and a friend buying drinks or a cheapish meal, I prefer to alternate paying the tab. It makes me feel particularly cheap to be trying to split a $15 bill.
Then again, you will always have the one friend whose turn never seems to come around. I used to have a friend who seemed to expect me to always pay, she’d patiently wait, making no move towards her purse when the bill came.
So now, I make a point of only putting in half when the bill comes no matter how small. And if I’m making a trip to the bar for drinks, I’ll always wait for her to give me cash for her order.
It makes me feel like a bit of a heel for doing so but the alternative is to quietly stew in resentment. Oh well.
Due to the site´s name no wonder there is no “showmanship” around ha ha
just kidding!
when I “win” the “dance” and the other person or persons says “OK, we´ll (I) get it next time” I answer “ok, next time we´ll go to xxxxxx”
replace xxxxx with the name of the most expensive place in town
it brings out a laugh and awkwarderness dissappears