“The most important thing about a family is that all the people in it love each other.” — from Heather has Two Mommies

Heather PoeQueers around the nation heard the breaking news a couple of weeks ago about Mary Cheney’s pregnancy. John Aravosis had plenty to say about the topic. He writes, “They live in Virginia, where a new state constitutional amendment pretty much guarantees that Mary’s baby is screwed.”

“In November, Virginia voters passed a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and civil unions; state law is unclear on whether [Heather] Poe could have full legal rights as a parent of Cheney’s child.”

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but even he can’t make Heather Poe the legal parent in her state. This denies her a basic human right and will hurt her child. The American Academy of Pediatrics asserts, “Children who are born to or adopted by 1 member of a same-sex couple deserve the security of 2 legally recognized parents. Children deserve to know that their relationships with both of their parents are stable and legally recognized. This applies to all children, whether their parents are of the same or opposite sex.”

This is an issue that is top-of-mind these days as Jeanine and I proceed with the baby-making process. In my relationship with Jeanine, I’m the legal equivalent to Heather Poe. When we finally have our baby, I’ll have to ask the State of California to grant me a second-parent adoption. What is this?

HRC offers this explanation, “A second-parent adoption allows a second parent to adopt a child without the ‘first parent’ losing any parental rights. In this way, the child comes to have two legal parents: you and your partner. It also typically grants adoptive parents the same rights as biological parents in custody and visitation matters.”

“Where is it available? Eight states and the District of Columbia have approved second-parent adoption for lesbian and gay parents either by statute or state appellate court rulings, which means that it is granted in all counties statewide.”

These states include:

* California
* Connecticut
* Illinois
* Massachusetts
* New Jersey
* New York
* Pennsylvania
* Vermont

Virginia is missing from this list which is why it’s unlikely that Heather Poe will have any rights. Why should every state offer second-parent adoptions?

According to The Rainbow Babies, “Imagine that you and your partner decide to adopt a child, but only one of you can adopt her or him. Your partner becomes the legal parent. However, you begin to find that your lack of legal parental rights is a problem: you can’t pick the child up at daycare without a consent form, you can’t make medical decisions or even authorize life-saving medical treatments without an authorization form, and if you and your partner split up, you will have absolutely no legal right to custody or even visitation.”

“Even worse, if your partner should become incapacitated or die, you will have no legal rights to the child at all; despite the fact that you see yourself as the child’s parent, and he or she sees you as such, you will have no legal right to keep the child. Entire families have been torn apart for the lack of a second parent adoption.”

“Although many of these problems can be solved with the right paperwork — consent forms, authorization forms, custody agreements in case the parents split, and a will appointing the partner as the child’s legal guardian in the event that the legal parent dies — it takes a good deal of forethought and preparation.”

“A second-parent adoption removes the need for most of these precautions, as it gives both partners equal legal rights as the child’s parents. Should you and your partner split up, both of you have equal rights to custody and visitation; and should a medical emergency require it, both you and your partner will have equal right to make a decision regarding medical treatment for the child. Most importantly, second-parent adoption is better for your child, as it reduces the chances of losing one of his or her parents due to a legal loophole.”

I went searching online to find out what the paperwork will cost us and I couldn’t find anything. We will likely hire an attorney that practices family law to draw up the paperwork or we could probably save money by reading the book: Do Your Own California Adoption: Nolo’s Guide for Stepparents and Domestic Partners

Although Heather Poe will not be granted a second-parent adoption, she has one other option for protection: a co-parenting agreement. This will enable her to consent to medical care for their child and it could also stipulate that they name each other as the child’s guardian in their wills. However, this stipulation is still not legally binding a court of law. If something happens to Mary, then Dick and Lynne could sue Heather for custody and probably win in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

We are so behind the rest of the world. In February 2006, France’s highest court ruled that both partners in a same-sex relationship can have parental rights over one partner’s biological child. Gay Paree respects Gay parents. When will we have the same rights nationwide in this country?