WWYD: Do You Buy Holiday Gifts Out of Obligation?
In this week’s “What Would You Do” series, I thought I’d pose some very timely questions as the holidays descend upon us. Let me set the scenes…
It’s holiday time and you have family that you’re not very close to. In fact, you not only 
don’t spend time with them, you don’t really get along with them nor want them to have any real active role in your life. Yet, they have several children and family members you do really care about are close to them. Do you buy gifts for friends or family that aren’t close to you out of obligation? Even if you err on the side of inexpensive, once you add up a small handful of children (after all you can’t buy for one and not their siblings) the total bill adds up. Left to your own devices you would choose not to send any gifts, yet you don’t want to let other members of your family down. What would you do? Buy gifts out of obligation anyway or simply wish them a lovely holiday with a card and put your money where your true values ring true?
(And a personal note on this family thing…if you’re family doesn’t “GET” the value in making a donation to charity in their name, don’t do it. You’ll take far more grief than it is worth! I speak from experience…)
And, another holiday ringer to consider is…
You have friends or co-workers who give you gifts. You weren’t planning on buying gifts for them and didn’t factor it into your holiday budget. What do you do?
a) Receive the gifts gratefully and with thanks.
b) Rush frantically out to buy this person a gift.
I have to say in the past, I would fall into the choice b) category feeling both thankful and guilty for their gesture. However, I have learned this can be a budget busting move because you never know who might show up with what. And, what good are gifts if the sentiment is sourced from guilt or obligation? Truly NOT the point of the season.
Yet, every year I never cease to be amazed by people at work or from my past that magically appear by sending a card or small gift. Lately, I have learned an approach that works better for me. I simply breathe in the gift and receive it with gratitude. I no longer feel uncomfortable in my skin or the burning need to make up some excuse like “oh, sorry, I left YOUR gift at home” and then run out and buy something.
How about you? Please share your ideas in the comments… holiday stories from far and wide are always great reads.
Voice your opinion with other questions in the What Would You Do archive.
I no longer do the regret gifting when someone gives me something unexpected at holiday times. It becomes one more person on the list for next year- becoming an ongoing expectation almost.
I accept the gift and explain why I am no longer able to gift everyone and their brother- 5 of us living on my income is enough to say it all. Most everyone I deal with knows the sacrifices we are choosing to make as a family to have a stay at home mom- and they get it. If they don’t- oh well.
That being said- I do have a medium sized list (15) of coworkers, kids teachers, and friends that will be receiving specially made food baskets of goodies. My hubby makes all the cookies, treats, etc and we buy baskets at garage sales all summer for about a dime apiece. It takes time to put them all together- but that is a commodity we have now- and the kids are big enough to help.
I am one of those people who sometimes gives a gift to someone who isn’t expecting one from me–if I’m out buying gifts, or at a crafts fair or whatever, and see something I think is “perfect” for an acquaintence or friend (but not a gift-partner), I’ll get it anyway. Or, sometimes someone has been kind in a particular way that I want to honor. I certainly don’t expect a gift in return — but I don’t want to gift anonymously, which can be kind of creepy… anyway, I think that a thank you is more than enough return.