WWYD: Work Late or Keep Your Date?
Today’s “What Will You Do” isn’t a direct money question, but money and fear is often the excuse people use for not doing what they commit to and not doing what they really want to do. So, let me set the stage…
You committed to go out to dinner with your long time partner (or serious love interest) on this lovely Wednesday night. The plans are for a romantic dinner for two with candlelight and some good food and drink. You may be celebrating an occasion, or just simply committing to taking the time to be with one another with no interruptions. You truly value this relationship and want it to thrive.
Now, imagine it is that same Wednesday during the work day. You’re looking forward to your date tonight and can’t wait to just disconnect and be together since you’ve both been working hard on your individual careers/projects. Out of nowhere swings your boss. He tells you he needs you to stay late and work tonight muttering something about the usual nonsense of a crisis at work. Speaking in his usual “the world is bound to end tomorrow if we absolutely don’t handle this man made crisis tonight” tone, he launches right into what needs to be done and what he expects of you without even waiting for you to indicate if you’re available to work.
What do you do?
- Do you call up your partner and spin a tale about how you have no choice but to break your date knowing that it will really disappoint them and strain your relationship?
- Do you explain to your boss that you have a prior commitment and cannot work late tonight but will work with him to get the priorities handled in the morning?
- What do you REALLY want to do deep inside?
- What do you actually end up doing because of some story you tell yourself about how you need to put yourself and the things you care about last?
While I’m certainly not suggesting we should march around telling off our employers, what I do see is that so many people don’t set strong enough boundaries and end up jeopardizing things that matter most to them because they are unwilling to say “no”. We let fear — fear of conflict, fear of what other people will think, and fear of how we assume it will hurt our future — rule our world and this leaves us feeling resentful and conflicted. Whenever we say “yes” when we mean “no” it undermines our trust in ourselves which is so crucial for success in all areas of our life.
So, what would you do? And, what is the story and reasoning behind your choice? Join the conversation by posting in the comments….
I do believe in setting boundaries. On the other hand, several years ago I told a boss I needed to keep a prior committment when things ran unexpectedly late at work, only to learn the next day that things had not gone smoothly in my absence and that he had resented my leaving. There does need to be a line between work and personal life (and I think employers benefit from a happier and more productive workforce if they respect that line), but unfortunately, I think a lot of workers are caught in a Catch-22.
I’d ask if I could come back to work after the dinner, and help later that night and/or come in early the next morning. In my industry, firedrills are common but managers do respect important personal commitments. It might mean an all-nighter, but frankly I’m more willing to sacrifice sleep than strain a relationship with a partner or a boss.
For me it would depend on a few things – if my boss did this on a regular basis and if it was a special occasion with my partner or a night out. A special occasion would mean I would not work especially if this kind of thing happened on a regular basis at work. However, my current boss would only ask in a case of true dire need, so, barring a dinner that truly had to happen on that date (birthday, anniversary, etc) I’d work.
Another interesting spin to this could be —
Substitute “your boss” for “your client” assuming you own your own business. Would your answers or thinking differ?
Something that popped into my head as I thought about this and your comments last night…
I suppose that I take employment positions where this will never happen. Even though I’ve been working long hours and over weekends this past month, I’ve still kept every family obligation I’ve made and told my boss that I simply must leave before things are done because of those obligations, which she respects.
Knowing how unusual this request would be, I’d know that this was indeed a situation that needed attention and if I could reschedule the date (ie. it is not an occasion) then I would and make it up to the partner. This would be a very out-of-the-ordinary occasion and the partner would understand. If it was an important occasion, then I would be home with my partner and be in very early the next day to help put out fires.