Comments on: Get Hitched and Get Out of Debt? http://queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/ We're here, We're queer, and We're not going Shopping without Coupons Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:17:43 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Nina http://queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/comment-page-1/#comment-15841 Nina Wed, 07 Feb 2007 22:45:31 +0000 http://www.queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/#comment-15841 Part of this week's Carnival of Debt Management: http://www.debtconsolidationlowdown.com/2007/02/carnival_of_deb.html<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-15841">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Part of this week’s Carnival of Debt Management:
http://www.debtconsolidationlowdown.com/2007/02/carnival_of_deb.html

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]]> By: No Credit Needed Podcast » Blog Archive » Carnival of Debt Reduction Podcast Edition : Personal Finance Podcast About Debt Repayment, Debt Reduction, and Saving Money http://queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/comment-page-1/#comment-14173 No Credit Needed Podcast » Blog Archive » Carnival of Debt Reduction Podcast Edition : Personal Finance Podcast About Debt Repayment, Debt Reduction, and Saving Money Mon, 29 Jan 2007 13:54:45 +0000 http://www.queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/#comment-14173 [...] Queercents posts about the possibility of giving young couples money for debt reduction, instead of expensive wedding gifts. (My father-in-law actually offered my wife and I $10,000 to just elope…) [...]<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14173">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> [...] Queercents posts about the possibility of giving young couples money for debt reduction, instead of expensive wedding gifts. (My father-in-law actually offered my wife and I $10,000 to just elope…) [...]

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]]> By: tacky http://queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/comment-page-1/#comment-13287 tacky Tue, 23 Jan 2007 06:00:25 +0000 http://www.queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/#comment-13287 I would find this totally tacky and offensive. Actually, I did feel that way when my friend was getting married last May and asked us all for cash as gifts. It's presumptuous - particularly so in her case as she was marrying an honest to goodness millionaire - but its always presumptuous to assume that someone "owes" you a gift at all. Of course 95% of the time you will get a gift, but an invitation is not an invoice. The truth is that I will almost always give a nice check to my good friends, but to be asked for it outright is tacky... particularly when your guest might have financial considerations of their own, including traveling to your wedding, attending showers / engagement parties / bachelor/ette parties, buying a dress or suit to wear, finding childcare, etc. In fact, some of my very worst financial decisions involved overextending myself as a bridesmaid and/or wedding guest because of the pressures to participate in numerous parties, give numerous gifts, buy a bridesmaid dress I'll never wear again and then give a nice cash gift too. DivaJean, as a championship wedding guest this past spring/summer at both straight and gay weddings (over a dozen in about four months), I would say don't take it too personally that you didn't get a large cash gift. (Other than the father, that's weird.) If your wedding was lower-key as you said it was, guests respond to that with lower gift amounts. I think the reason for this is that most people can't really afford to give $100 but feel they must do so to "cover their plate", but if your wedding was self-catered they might they could give a gift they were more comfortable with financially. Also, if you got married at the end of a wedding season (like the end of the summer), many of us twentysomethings might have just been tapped out of cash - I know I was! Other factors that could influence gift giving amounts are if the couple already lives together and are not percieved to be "needing" much, if the guest had to travel, if they gave gifts for a shower already, and the custom in their culture or region. If I got married, I would completely expect some of my older family members to give me around $20 and not anything more extravagant, and I don't think I'm that unusual.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-13287">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> I would find this totally tacky and offensive. Actually, I did feel that way when my friend was getting married last May and asked us all for cash as gifts. It’s presumptuous – particularly so in her case as she was marrying an honest to goodness millionaire – but its always presumptuous to assume that someone “owes” you a gift at all. Of course 95% of the time you will get a gift, but an invitation is not an invoice. The truth is that I will almost always give a nice check to my good friends, but to be asked for it outright is tacky… particularly when your guest might have financial considerations of their own, including traveling to your wedding, attending showers / engagement parties / bachelor/ette parties, buying a dress or suit to wear, finding childcare, etc. In fact, some of my very worst financial decisions involved overextending myself as a bridesmaid and/or wedding guest because of the pressures to participate in numerous parties, give numerous gifts, buy a bridesmaid dress I’ll never wear again and then give a nice cash gift too.

DivaJean, as a championship wedding guest this past spring/summer at both straight and gay weddings (over a dozen in about four months), I would say don’t take it too personally that you didn’t get a large cash gift. (Other than the father, that’s weird.) If your wedding was lower-key as you said it was, guests respond to that with lower gift amounts. I think the reason for this is that most people can’t really afford to give $100 but feel they must do so to “cover their plate”, but if your wedding was self-catered they might they could give a gift they were more comfortable with financially. Also, if you got married at the end of a wedding season (like the end of the summer), many of us twentysomethings might have just been tapped out of cash – I know I was! Other factors that could influence gift giving amounts are if the couple already lives together and are not percieved to be “needing” much, if the guest had to travel, if they gave gifts for a shower already, and the custom in their culture or region. If I got married, I would completely expect some of my older family members to give me around $20 and not anything more extravagant, and I don’t think I’m that unusual.

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]]> By: DivaJean http://queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/comment-page-1/#comment-13222 DivaJean Mon, 22 Jan 2007 17:11:58 +0000 http://www.queercents.com/2007/01/22/get-hitched-and-get-out-of-debt/#comment-13222 From our experience, don't expect the financial "reward" of marriage to be anywhere near the level our hetero friends get... Years ago (almost 12!) when my partner & I had our wedding ceremony, we invited tons of people and basically got thru it breaking even. We "catered" our own food, had mom sew all the dresses involved, etc- to make it the most frugal we could. When all was said & done, we spent maybe $2500- including our week long honeymoon at P-Town. Though it may have been considered tacky at the time (or now by the silver tea tray crowd), we knew going into it that we did not need any stuff from combining our households. But we did need a washer/dryer- so if anyone asked- we told them Sears cards or cash. We had enough to buy the set (which was about as much as the $2500 wedding) we wanted. Given that we invited 200 people and about 150 were there- that is about $20/person. You cannot tell me that's what heteros spend on their own! Fast forward a couple years later- my father in law realized how much he gave/spent on his hetero daughter at her wedding versus us and we got a "bonus" gift.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-13222">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> From our experience, don’t expect the financial “reward” of marriage to be anywhere near the level our hetero friends get…

Years ago (almost 12!) when my partner & I had our wedding ceremony, we invited tons of people and basically got thru it breaking even. We “catered” our own food, had mom sew all the dresses involved, etc- to make it the most frugal we could. When all was said & done, we spent maybe $2500- including our week long honeymoon at P-Town.

Though it may have been considered tacky at the time (or now by the silver tea tray crowd), we knew going into it that we did not need any stuff from combining our households. But we did need a washer/dryer- so if anyone asked- we told them Sears cards or cash. We had enough to buy the set (which was about as much as the $2500 wedding) we wanted. Given that we invited 200 people and about 150 were there- that is about $20/person. You cannot tell me that’s what heteros spend on their own!

Fast forward a couple years later- my father in law realized how much he gave/spent on his hetero daughter at her wedding versus us and we got a “bonus” gift.

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