If anyone ever gets the idea from me that developing a more responsible relationship with money has been easy, I must do more to present a realistic picture of the constant work it takes to take control of my money.

Vanity mirrorWith each daily struggle I face, I’m forced to pay attention to little nuances that make my personal finances a challenge. Recently I was inspired to look at my spending from a new angle and ask myself some hard questions after a mentor of mine commented on the ways I put high amounts of pressure on myself regarding fitness and appearance.

He said to me, “You certainly have an expression of the ‘gay gene.’ There is a keen appreciation you have for beauty, style and celebration, and there’s a different set of pressures that comes along with it.”

I’m still having trouble digesting his comment. However, the ‘gay gene’ comment beautifully summed up a set of traits that can be applied to some or many LGBT people we know who, like it or not, have some level of social influence in our community. Often, the straight population may also be quick to look at us in the same light. I couldn’t help but wonder, 1) Do we really have a greater than average appreciation of beauty, style and celebration in the LGBT community? 2) Could it be possible this influences our spending? 3) To what degree could these influences extend?

There are just too many ways to approach the first question; picking one won’t do the topic justice. Even mentioning a touchy topic like this is opening a can of worms. But since the can is open, I’d like to mention that I took a stab at getting free information about LGBT spending patterns. I was disappointed to find almost nothing on lesbian spending. It seems there is an obsession with tracking gay male dollars, or lumping lesbian spending with gay male spending. This seems to be an oversight market researchers or the media may want to correct.

An online poll for gay men asked “What do you spend most of your money on?” The top three answers were Clothes, Travel and Fine Dining / Going Out. However, there was no additional demographic information about the respondents, so it’s hard to say whether or not spending better reflected a certain age group or income range. I couldn’t help but wonder what the top answers of straight people would be if they answered this poll.

I don’t really have answers here, just questions about whether or not it’s true that beauty, style and celebration together have a distinct role in the LGBT community. I wasn’t happy with the comment my mentor made to me. I took offense at having a stereotype attributed to me that I associate with rabid consumerism and vanity. But then again, Zac and I spent the weekend preparing our new apartment with meticulous attention to detail, planned a fabulous housewarming party, and then saw that we spent a considerable amount of money to get rave reviews from our friends about our new place. Maybe my mentor was on to something that I don’t necessarily want to admit.

As Zac eloquently put it, “Only a sucker wouldn’t ask questions about what they’re spending money on?” Some questions are hard to ask and even harder to answer. These questions are particulary tough.