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Best of luck with whatever you decide. I am fairly certain I’ll go to b-school within the next several years (certain enough to shell out $1k for prep classes, at least).

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Greetings from the rarified airs of Cambridge, MA. Well, actually the Somerville line. You have no idea how much more it can cost to literally live right down the block in Harvard-town. Not worth it. I’ll stick with the cute Brazilians up the hill any day!

First off, I think the prestige motivation is common and certainly something that–whether we care to admit it or not–brought many of us to this place, whether deep in our past or when we placed the application in the mail or both. More likely, it’s been one of many in a mish mash of desires and motivations along the way. As natural and common as the desire is, I don’t think it is the best reason to go to grad school–especially if you’re going to get yourself in a lot of debt. Perhaps that goes without saying but I am a big advocate of being honest with oneself, even if in potentially painful ways, if this allows us to gain more control over how we choose to act and with what level of awareness.
The truth is that the people who are self-impressed with themselves for being at Harvard tend to be the most wooden and uninteresting both as people and as thinkers.

When I was younger (guessing when I was your age), I went to law school for a year. On conscious and unconscious fronts, I did it to find an instant, ready made place in the world, to acquire a badge of instant self-justification (as a “responsible” young man or a reformed life-of-the-mind kind of guy who made the decision to “get practical”) and looking ahead to the kind of financial stability such a career could offer. In theory, I had rationalized for myself that I wanted to do public interest law work (which on some level I honestly did want to do) but when push came to shove, I found that I was unsure, lost and, therefore, prone to settle for paths that seemed easier. That was an “existential” moment of crisis for me; the proverbial “fork in the road” moment. I felt like I had one foot through a door my best self knew I should not go through.

I decided, with the support of God, friends and family (for which I am forever grateful), to leave and cut my loses. I still need to deal with the sizable debt of one of year of law school so the experience is still with me, as perhaps it should be because when I think about who I was then/where I was then and who I am now, I am, again, eternally grateful to be in my shoes today. But, as you can imagine, with the decision came more uncertainty and the feeling that people and my own super-ego, if you will, would judge me for being less than “together”. Coming out was much, much easier than coming into my own professionally and in an occupational sense because I am such a generalist and a curious person about the world and the other people in it, generally. There were also specific pressures to “move up” economically given my working class background. But, I also think the late 90s were a difficult time to be working on these issues at all because of all the hype about the new “information society”. Thankfully, the reverie seemed illusory to me, philosophically, emotionally and politically. I could tell that certain issues I care about (like the poor) were being pushed out of mind. And the allure of yuppy blissdom tempted me at the time in ways that suggested that I could more easily than I had wanted to think become part of the problem. This is not to suggest that academics can’t turn their back on suffering and injustice but that’s a topic for a different day.

There is no proscription, easy plan or ready-made blueprint. We make choices along the way and, sometimes, circumstance makes choices for us and we somehow manage as best we can. I’ve been on a lucky streak for a few years and that can change (like when I hit the what can be brutal higher ed teaching market). But, I am content in a very deep way these days because I love what I do, am challenged on all levels and I have found a way to bridge for myself my theoretical and practical interests by focusing on religion and society and the status of religion in our consumer society, in particular. This happiness has been hard fought and not something an Ivy league university brand name bestowed onto me as if through the grace of some magical talisman (that’s commodifying learning to a very dangerous degree). I’ve also grown into my skin a bit more and am more able to resist the temptation to do things just to give myself instant credibility points in the eyes of others and, more important, myself.

My advice is maybe a bit corny. But, continue to think a lot about this decision and look into both the important instrumental issues (like how concretely the degree would help you with goals you can honestly and lovingly own) and turn your keen interest on psychology on yourself. With the help of your partner and others close to you who can remind you about who you are for them, continue to struggle with this. Consider this as decision as one that could be something akin to a possible impulse buy if you don’t stand back and consider what it means to you and why and what powerful emotions and reasons are compelling you towards this point.

All the best in this…good luck and try to remember how much good you are doing for yourself by not jumping into this because half the world seems to think an M.B.A. is what any “good” person in your shoes *should get*/*should want*. We learn in life that many things we think we *should want* we actually do not want, in the end. The line between “need” and “desire” is never clear yet bourgeois capitalism works by making us rationalize our desires in certain ways. And perhaps there is no final escape from this process but, like I said, the ethical freedom we do have to make decisions along the way means the world.

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