We’re less than a week away from the big retail day of reckoning known as Christmas here in the United States. This coming weekend is bound to be filled with door to door gridlock for people headed to malls, outlets, and other shopping meccas. I will be far away from the maddening crowds opting instead for a few quick errands on Friday and a weekend filled with connecting with friends and doing some last minute holiday touches.

Part of what fuels this last minute push in my opinion, besides the obvious procrastination factor, is the intense tie-in between gifts and expressing our love at this time of year. So many of us have family, friends, and partners we love dearly. And, because as humans we often feel woefully inadequate at expressing how we feel fully, we turn to outside expressions of that love. Now, that isn’t all bad of course, who doesn’t love gifts? But, I know for personal experience, last minute shopping and wayward spending can often be fueled by feeling like we don’t have “enough” or the “right thing” for that special person in our lives.

So, instead we start trolling…the malls, the superstores, and online (with outrageous next day shipping) in search of something that will make us feel better and score us a big WIN with the ones we love. The catch with all this, of course, is that no matter what we do or buy…money and things can’t buy us love. The Beatles had that one right!

What can you do right now to tame that last minute spending because of love beast? Here’s three tips that I personally am using this year that will help.

Agree to a Spending Limit

With your partner or any loved ones, agree to a spending cap that makes sense for your current financial situation. For instance, weeks ago my partner and I agreed on a maximum of $50 total to spend on each other. We may not even spend that much. With my launch into two feet forward and our general desire to spend on experiences vs. things, not is not the time to buy each other more stuff just as an exercise. In the past we would often spend hundreds on things of IOU’s for fin activities. These were all great, but this year we’re taking a scaled down approach and just enjoying being with one another. That was more than enough when we first met…so why not rekindle some of that magic over 15 years later.

Step Back and Get Perspective

Notice what is fueling your shopping and last minute panic? What feelings are you feeling? I know it might be scary but no doubt you might be having some of these feelings:

  • Not enough
  • Inadequate
  • Unsure
  • Expectations from others
  • Great love for someone and unsure how to express it
  • Fear and doubt
  • You won’t measure up unless you buy impressive things

You might be feeling these or many others. Take note of what is at the source of your feelings and your spending. Then, step back and detach yourself from all the emotion and ask “What does my heart really want to say to this person?” and “How can I express that through words or a gift that most serves me, my finances, and my relationship?” Then create or purchase a gift from that perspective and energy rather than from a frenzied state of scarcity.


Get Creative

Don’t have much money or time to get or make that perfect something for the one you love? Falling short with expressing what you REALLY want to say with some purchased something? Then, get creative! Consider a homemade gift or sentiment that is extremely personal and customized. Low cost options abound. Things like:

  • Buy a frame and putting a picture of a special memory or even an inspirational quote in it
  • Buy a small jar, mug, piece of pottery and then put little notes in it listing the “Top 10 things I Love About You” or “Favorite Memories” or “Lessons I’ve Learned from You” or something similar. This is a great way to express your emotions in a low cost way and really surprise a loved one.
  • Bake, cook, can, or conjure up some other culinary item to give as a gift.
  • IOU’s are also great — an IOU for breakfast in bed, or dinner at your house, or something pampering, enjoyable, and fun that won’t cost a bundle.

The sky is the limit when you get creative. And the best part is creative gifts don’t have to cost a lot of money. Not to mention, you get lots of points for originality and expressing something in a uniquely personal way.

As the holidays rapidly approach — step back, take a deep breath and remember that “Money Can’t Buy Me Love”. Take the pressure off of yourself and your wallet and know that the true gift is in sharing and giving our love to those we care about.

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Paula Gregorowicz is the Comfortable in Your Own Skin(tm) Coach and you can learn more at her website www.thepaulagcompany.com and blog www.coaching4lesbians.com .

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