I am now less than two weeks away from my thirtieth birthday. Thirty is a big, fat, round number. And since I’m coming up on this big fat round number, it’s a good time to figure out where the heck my life is going.

So many things in my life are intentional: my wonderful partner of 8 years, our choice to live in Maine’s largest city, our small-but-perfect apartment with a view of sunrise over the water. I even have good friends I’ve chosen as family. But my career in computer programming was not intentional; it was something I’d fallen into during college because the money was good. And my job in corporate IT for a well-known Maine outdoor retailer/behemoth was uninteresting, had no advancement potential, and was stressful enough that it was affecting my overall quality of life.

I realized I needed to leave when I was chatting at a cocktail party and felt ashamed to tell another guest what I did for a living. I actually felt boring.

So screw that, I decided, I’m going to massage school.

That’s not all I’m doing, of course. I’m of the generation that does everything all at once and calls it fun. I’m still doing some web development as a freelancer to bring in a little money. And I decided to start writing again, which is why I’m here at Queercents. Pleased to be here!

“But massage school? Really?” I keep asking myself. It’s true. I’m done with falling into a job just because the money is good. Yes, I’m still paying off the loans from my fancy Ivy League education. Yes, my cubicle job paid well and the benefits rocked. Yes, I must have been an idiot to leave. But no, I’m not going back.

And so now, I’m crafting my career as intentionally as I have crafted the rest of my life. I can’t spend my life bored with what I do. I’m having a lot more fun now that my time is my own and I have the ability to create something new. I’m following my bliss.

It’s too bad that bliss doesn’t come with a direct deposit.

Before I quit my job, my partner and I were paying off debt at a nice clip. We had almost paid off the credit cards, and we had wrangled our student loans into nice small numbers. But now that I’m in school, I’m once again racking up debt (both credit card and student loan debt) like it was going out of style. I feel awful about it, and guilty, and sometimes depressed.

I have to keep reminding myself that I was on a great debt-free path before, and I can do it again. I’ve just put my plans on hold, is all, while I figure out what’s next.

So that’s what I’m all about. I’m looking forward to writing and reading more here at Queercents, and sharing with you some of my thoughts about being so firmly in the middle of a huge transition.