Comments on: Financial Complexities of a Troupled Household

By: Queercents » Blog Archive » Financial Infidelity by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:36:43 +0000

[...] As a lesbian, I typically shy away from the mainstream relationship books. After all, was there any reason for me to read, He’s Just Not That Into You when it was the hot dating book several years ago? But Financial Infidelity applies to all relationship varieties: straight, gay… perhaps even a trouple operating as a fiscal unit. [...]

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By: Lovesick Billy

Lovesick Billy — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 01:52:03 +0000

Okay, this is wildly fascinating. Beyond the daunting finance triangle you're navigating, you all three must be courageous and incredibly secure to make this work. I'm in awe. You are bookmarked. Here's a thought: Why don't y'all incorporate?

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By: ceejay74

ceejay74 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:17:44 +0000

Thank you guys; these are very interesting ideas. tiredbuthappy: It's true that my wife and I have the greater risk on paper: me by carrying the greatest debt, her by not having the legal rights of marriage. But our husband risked the most of all by giving up his career, home, country, family and friends to live here in the U.S. (a country he loves in many ways but is deeply disturbed by in others). And, the whole reason we've got net worth at all, besides my debt repayment, is because of him: He had less debt and more home equity to begin with than we did. Selling the UK house is also interesting. We would be able to clear up over half our total debt, including all our credit card debt. My main hesitations are: I like knowing we have that asset in England because we'll need a bigger house when we move there and house prices in the areas we like are, frankly, through the roof. His tiny one-bedroom flat is conservatively worth US$260,000, and it's not even in Oxford proper. The other hesitation is that I'd have to figure out the tax ramifications of any profit we made on the house. Currently we don't make any profit on renting his flat, which I'm dreading because the taxes will get so complicated. Dedicated: How would we look into the trust idea? Are there lawyers who specialize in that, or can you do it on your own? I think we're doing OK at present, but when we start having kids we do want to make sure we have everything in place. We'll want to take care of this legal stuff now, because the regular having-kids stuff will be intense enough on its own! Again, thank you both for your advice.

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By: Dedicated

Dedicated — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 02:08:37 +0000

I think I know how to clear up the issue with asset division and ownership. I think, if I was in this situation, I would create a trust. We would all transfer ownership of our assets into the trust. We would all be "big shots" in the trust - holding controlling shares. Then when something happened to one member, the others would free and clear take over the 3 members shares of assets. NO Probate. No explaining their personal life to those who don't need to know. And no, tax consequences. Especially when kids are thrown into the mix. All 3 parents need to make sure that the kids will be provided for.

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By: tiredbuthappy

tiredbuthappy — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 00:02:06 +0000

CJ-- I saw a post you wrote recently at savingadvice.com. I'm glad to hear more details here because I have a general interest in unmarried families and how they handle money. It sounds to me like you are doing great. As long as no courts get involved, your plan sounds good. Once you have the debt paid off, though, perhaps you should start dividing savings 3 ways, putting an equal portion in each of your names. That way, if somebody gets sick or dies or leaves or whatever, the other two will be left with a neat two-thirds of your household net worth. It also occurs to me that you and your wife are each taking a risk, while it's not totally clear that your husband is risking much. If something bad happens before the debt is paid off, you'll be left with the remainder of the household debt in your name. That's the risk you're taking. And if something bad happens to you, your wife won't have your workplace benefits coming to her. And the condo she co-owns with you will also be co-owned with your husband, while she won't legally co-own his UK house. Again, as long as you can get through the next couple of years without a disaster, then none of that is a problem. But I'm just observing that the risk isn't very equally spread around. Question--if you sold the UK house, would the proceeds pay off the debt? Maybe it's worth considering if you don't plan to move there for quite a long time. That's my two cents, but overall I think you're in really good shape, at least as far is possible given the limitations of the system.

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By: Nina

Nina — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 13:18:32 +0000

Part of this week's Carnival of the Insanities.

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By: LW

LW — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:32:20 +0000

Not every state in the US is a "community property" state, so just because you are married does not necessarily mean you each own half of the other's debs/assets. Minnesota *is* a community property state, but there are at least several states left that are not.

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By: wtto

wtto — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:04:39 +0000

It sounds like you are being explicit about it and talking it out which is the most important thing. I also think it's great that you are writing down what you see as the agreement. You never know and it's good to have on paper your current intentions in case it ever comes up.

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By: Vixen

Vixen — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:35:32 +0000

Wow, I've never thought of the dynamics of personal finance in relation to three people.

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