‘œWhat a cute little boy!’ says a well-meaning middle-aged lady in a tight pink coat.

Baby in pink‘œThanks. She’s a girl, actually.’

‘œOh!’ The lady looks disapprovingly at our daughter’s green dino onesie and matching pants, and then decides to smile.

We get this about twenty times a day. Why? Well, we’ve decided to dress our daughter in stripes of all colors, pants in everything but blue and pink, and those cool A Little Lark onesies with trees, bikes, and other groovy graphics in gender-neutral colors.

We don’t do pink, frills, lace, or dresses (except for parties). Nor do we do blue, sailor outfits, paramilitary gear, junior banker outfits, or any of the other outfits that conventionally mark a baby as male in our culture. Dresses are uncomfortable and constricting for babies; our daughter tends to pull them up over her shoulders’”surely not the ‘˜ladylike’ look they’re intended to create!

We buy most of our daughter’s pants in the boys section for three reasons: she’s big for her age, and the boys pants fit her better; the boys pants are made of studier, more natural fabrics; and yes, the boys pants are cheaper. Recently, we went to Buy Buy Baby (after searching fruitlessly at the Goodwill for quality used stuff in her size) to pick up some pants for our baby girly-q, who’s growing at a crazy rate. The ‘˜boy’ pants in her size were about a third cheaper than the ‘˜girl’ pants. And they came in comfier fabrics and a wider range of colors.

As our daughter gets older, we’ll continue to offer her a selection of gender-neutral (but adorable and stylish) outfits. Once she develops her own taste, we’ll accommodate, within reason: no free advertising for Disney or other products, no uncomfortable or poorly-made outfits, and no inappropriately adult gear. Other than that, her clothing choices will be entirely up to her’”as long as her desires fit our budget, which we’ll include her in creating.

So what’s all the hoopla about pink and blue, anyway? Why does our culture insist that baby girls must wear pink (and pay twice the price for the privilege), while boys must wear blue?

Babies usually look rather androgynous, and because of our homophobic, sexist culture’s discomfort with androgyny (or any other disruption of the gender binary, such as queerness itself), parents race to mark their babies as unequivocally male or female. What amazes me is the number of parents who buy their daughters nothing but pink, frilly, constricting clothing from day one, and then can’t stop telling everyone how their daughter just ‘˜naturally’ was always a girly girl, who would NEVER wear pants. Gee, I wonder why?

This is how gender gets produced and reproduced. And you know what? We’re not buying into it. Or buying it. I’m not about to pay more for pink, when there are stripier, sturdier, CHEAPER options out there.

I’m a bi-femme who is obsessed with ecology and economy; my partner is a lesbian who passes as a guy, and wears men’s clothes exclusively. We think critically about every consumer choice we make. We’ve been resisting gender norms all our lives, in our very different fashions (in every sense of the world). Why would we suddenly become Stepford Moms once we had kids?

I think queer parents sometimes feel extra pressure to participate in the reproduction of gender norms. We feel like the gaze of the media and the culture is upon is, forcing us to prove every three seconds that we’re just like every other parent. But if the norm of parenting is to reproduce sexist, constricting, expensive behaviors in our children, then I’m only too happy to be deemed ‘˜abnormal.’ And don’t worry’”we’re not advocating some sort of drab ‘˜70s-style unsexy unisex approach to clothing. We choose colorful, graphically interesting, fun clothes for our daughter. And I don’t object to adults’”queer or not’”who play with gender-marked clothing; I love nothing more than fishnets on a femmy guy or a butch gal in a tie. But adults are adults, and are able to make informed choices about their gender presentations. Babies are’¦babies: androgynous, unformed, and, once they’re a bit older, easily coerced into following gender norms.

I’m only too happy to respect my daughter’s preferences (within reason!) as they emerge, but if she’s pressured to only wear clothes marked as ‘˜girl’ from day one, is it really credible to then call it a choice when she inevitably ends up wearing only the girliest of outfits? I want her to have real choices, which means real exposure to multiple possibilities for her performance of gender (also known as clothing selection!)

Of course, this is all made a little easier by the fact that my daughter is a girl. The repercussions for gender non-conformity for boys (and their queer parents) are far greater in our culture. If my daughter were a boy, would I put him in dresses? Probably not, truth be told. Then again, I’m not too keen on putting my DAUGHTER in dresses, for the reasons I’ve enumerated.

And at the end of the day, my cheapness trumps all: as long as ‘˜boy’ clothes are cheaper and better-made than girls’, I’ll keep shopping in the boy’s aisle. And I’ll keep avoiding blue’¦ or pink.

I’m surprised how little discussion I’ve seen of this in queer parenting circles. Feminist blogs such as feministing have had some discussions of the issue, mostly in relation to truly heinous gender-marked toys, but I have yet to see a full discussion of the issue of gender-marking of baby clothes on queer sites.

So enlighten me, fellow Queercents parents (or parents-to-be). What choices do you make for your babies and young children about gendered clothing, and how do you think about these choices? Have you met with any resistance from family members and random strangers? How do family finances play into these choices?