Comments on: Sleeping With Money: Equilibrium and Sleeping with a Straight

By: Queercents » Blog Archive » Sleeping With Money: price you will pay dating a soccer mom

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:40:23 +0000

[...] like Aundi’s revelation about the cost of dating a straight woman, there’s a price you’ll pay dating a single parent. First, you’ll never be her priority. Her [...]

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By: A.J.

A.J. — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:19:39 +0000

@Angie, I don't think it's just pretty women. Pretty people, man or woman, have a lot of advantages.

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By: Angie

Angie — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 05:12:32 +0000

Pretty woman do have it easier. They get out of traffic tickets, can fool a jury into believing they are being wrongly accused and are more likely to land a job with less qualifications. I am sure there are things they have to endure but honestly, life is easier for them.

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By: moorea

moorea — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:04:17 +0000

I get to book gigs (make money) based on my appearance in a promotional photo and then sing only lesbian songs (hot queer sex in san francisco)and still, the straight men in the audience will tip me, buy my CDs, and ask me out. I have actually found that my pretty girl privlege isn't always ruined by my being Out. I find straight men to be relentless, clueless and turned on by it. However, if they actually see me with a very boy-ish looking person, they become so very confused that they I do lose that interest.

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By: pfblogsround 2nd March 2008 | plonkee money

pfblogsround 2nd March 2008 | plonkee money — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 17:15:56 +0000

[...] feminist theme, I loved the latest sleeping with money post from Aundi @ queercents, about the pretty girl privilege - which of course isn’t a privilege or source of power at [...]

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By: Aundi

Aundi — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 13:48:41 +0000

Great comments! Nina, my PDA compromises are still minimal! Jennifer, most of the people I've dated in the past had already migrated over to the Jennifer standpoint, so I think the most fascinating thing for me is to watch (and be involved with) someone who is actually in the transition process. One lover of mine in L.A. was particularly into "publicly identifying" for that very same shaking of assumptions described. However, that was L.A., usually Hollywood or the easterly neighborhoods, where one generally gets cool points for such demonstrations (that's geographical Hollywood, not the other, more ethereal one). The "staging" element is lacking here. I do love the fact that you consider yourself to be exponentially educating your students; that's a great way to look at it. I'm going to try to adopt that attitude a little more. DivaJean: I totally agree that this micro-economy is based on potential sex partners. Sort of a brainstem approach to the world, don't you think?

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By: DivaJean

DivaJean — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:33:07 +0000

I think the so-called "pretty girl privilege" is only because men/society see them as potential sex partners and choose to pursue by various modes of gifting- even if its just a few cents off the latte. That privilege goes down the drain though when you take into account the cost of femme accoutrements. And what Jennifer said. And the fact that you practically have to jump up and down screaming "I'm a dyke dammit" for straights to "get it"- and for other lesbians to get that you're not straight.

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By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:07:59 +0000

As a formerly straight-identified, conventionally pretty & feminine woman, I know exactly what you're talking about. But the COST of those 'freebies'--the unwanted harrassment; the hypervisibility regardless of what I did to my appearance; the sense that the attention I got wherever I went was unearned; the sexualization of my everyday, unsexual public behaviors (such as eating a burger!! oh the creepy comments I'd get...); the assumption that (despite my certifiably genius [pardon the brag] IQ and Ph.D. I was a bimbo....well, the costs really outweighed the supposed "benefits". I'm proud to pay my own way, and I refuse freebies based on my (aging!!!) still-conventionally femme appearance whenever they're offered. My self-esteem is far more valuable. The power offered conventionally pretty, straight-appearing women isn't really very empowering, I think; and the truth is, it's also got an expiration date on it: there's always a prettier, YOUNGER girl waiting in the wings. The freebies all vanish once the wrinkles appear. I am delighted to destroy my heterosexual pretty-girl privilege by identifying everywhere, all the time, as queer. And, as a bi-woman, I've made sure to do so regardless of the gender/identity of my partner(s). I've found that precisely because I am so conventionalyl girl-next-door in my appearance, the simple act of publicly identifying as such really shakes up the assumptions of folks, both those I casually encounter in the public sphere, and those I deal with more intimately. I particularly enjoy how my students react---it's part of their education, as far as I'm concerned. So really, the benefit is both to me, and the larger society. Okay, so those are my rambling thoughts on this. More importantly... congrats on the new lover!!!

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By: Nina

Nina — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:16:14 +0000

"Straight, beautiful, feminine women get a lot of freebies... I also know that freebies are obviously available on a number of levels depending on factors as varied as attractiveness, attraction, wealth, need, ambition, deceitfulness, smarts, timing, etc. The micro-economy of freebie availability to stereotypically feminine and beautiful women..." Aundi: Sound the trumpets! I hope this post gets a lot of comments as the topic makes for fascinating conversation... although it sounds like you're doing more smoochin' than talkin' these days in public.

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