Femme Economics: Big House
I’ll admit, this is more of a rant and a survey than anything informational.
I’m looking forward to making a family. We’re in the very beginning stages of planning the future but I can’˜t stop thinking about it. One of the biggest things I am obsessing on is wanting a Big House. But this wanting is very confusing for me . Firstly I am not a shallow girl, and secondly, we’re not planning on having more than one child, two at most.
Plus, I’ve never been competitive or very greedy or much about keeping up with any Joneses. Okay, so maybe I’ve been called a princess once or twice, but I wasn’t raised in a palace. Then again, maybe this is the reflexive effect of growing up in a two bedroom guest house with skylights instead of windows.
Still, there are big houses in my dreams at night. I am compelled to look at them on Craigslist. By big, I mean at least four bedrooms and a basement. Is it just my innate ‘œnesting’ desires and ovulatory hormones which bark this request at me? Is it a femme thing: high heels, high hair, fake eyelashes, big purse, big house? This goes completely against my ‘œlive small and simple’ environmental ethics, my penny-pinching jew-hippy morals. And certainly, we’ll need something bigger than our current 1.25 bedroom, but really, three bedrooms would be enough.
I’m hoping to hear from readers of Queercents, because I have some questions:
1.) If you have a ‘œBig House’, why?
2.) Does your big house have to do with having or wanting children?
3.) Do gay men want Big Houses with or without children?
4.) Did you buy a big house to home all of your rescued animals? (I think my friend Erin did this)
5.) Does anyone ‘œrent’ a really Big House?
6.) Does anyone but me take ‘œvirtual tours’ of huge houses you will never have?
I can’t have a big house right now, or maybe ever, so I’m settling for the excitement of taking pre-natal vitamins to build up my folic acid and iron reserves. Because, of course, what matters in my heart is my fulfilling, fun and growing love with my partner, and hoping for a healthy baby sometime in the future. But often my mind wanders’¦.Victorian edging, a dance space with ballet bar, play room, (kinky dungeon?) breakfast nook, laundry chute…
I suppose I just bought a “big house”. We were actually looking for at least 3 bedrooms and about 1,500 sq ft like y’all – but we just came across a house that was 2,000 sf and 4 bedrooms which we totally fell in love with… at the same price as the other smaller houses! It was beat up in places, but we could totally envision having our 1-2 kids grow up there. We put in a offer below asking and it was accepted!
We also are childless right now besides our dog. But we definitely wouldn’t have bought such a big house without the plan for kids. We are straight, but we’ve only rented 1- and 2-bedrooms until now. I just hope we don’t accumulate too much junk with all the extra space. Best of luck in your house hunt. 🙂
Wwwwellll….
Having grown up in a “Big House” and both sets of Grandparents having them as well as my Two Brothers having them I might be able to comment here.
Me though I live in a small (under 1000 sq.ft) it suits me fine….I have better things to do than spend my free time cleaning.
And that is the BIGGEST thing you must remember….Unless one of you is a stay at home you will have to PAY someone(s) to do all the work that a big home requires from Cleaning to Yard Work. Those big houses my family has had were only feasable because one of the spouses was a stay at home.
Lets start with Grandparents….
Both Grandmothers were Stay at Home Wives so they took care of those big old houses while raising kids…Mom grew up in a seven bedroom 5 fireplace job up in New Hampshire around 6000 sq ft and Dad in a 6 bedroom around the same. While Mom had 6 brothers and sisters Dad was an only child.
When my parents came to Florida and Dads parents followed they each dropped to around 4000 sq footers…both 4 bedrooms 2 or 3 baths.
One brother has a 3500 sq.ft. 3 bedroom and the other has a 4000 sq.ft. 4 bedroom. Ones wife is also a stay at home and the others girlfriend works so they have a maid come in twice a week.
Nobody mows their own grass (did you remember that Big House usually means “Big Yard” and fancy landscaping that needs lots of care???) or cares for the pools…no time for it.
OOOpppsss!!!! Big Property Tax Bill as well!!!!
I turned down one brothers offer to buy his house when he moved to an equally large one but with 3.5 acres and a 5000 sq. foot workshop….he swears he’s never moving again….we’ll see.}:~D
~ Roland
Well, I don’t have a Big House. But it’s certainly big for one person (2 bedrooms, living room, dining room, tiny kitchen and bathroom). I wanted to have a guest room, even though I rarely have guests, and separate living and eating/reading/working rooms.
Oddly, my biggest house(2400 sqft) was the first I ever owned. As I’ve moved from house to house, the square footage has gone down while the cost of the house (and surrounding neighborhood) has gone up.
It has always been important to us that we have room for guests. In our present setup we have a primary guest bedroom (full/twin bunk beds) and a secondary guest bedroom (twin bed in our upstairs library, which has a door). We have less need for guests now than ever before, but we couldn’t ever live without a guest bedroom.
Moorea: Great topic and questions… thanks!
So here’s my lesson about the “big” house and kids. Three years ago, Jeanine and I bought what to us was the big house because we were getting ready to have a baby and needed more room: 3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, 1900 sq. ft.
We moved from a 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1000 sq. ft. The house is twice the size, the mortgage is five times more. I kid you not. The houses are less than 1 mile from each other, but the “big” house gave us a Newport Beach address and better school system. I wanted the address (because the good neighborhood was always in “my dreams at night”) and the school system was going to be needed for the pending kiddies.
Anyway, no baby yet. No need to turn one of those extra bedrooms into a nursery. I look back and think of all the money we could have saved if we just stayed in the “little” house until we actually got the baby.
So yes, the big house was because of children! Unfortunately, we’re still waiting to fill it up with kids and plastic crap.
This talk of growing up in a big house with extended family makes me think of another psychological reason for my big house greed: I was myself and only child with very few relatives. Certainly, having a big house for me also means maybe my children will have extended “family” that might live with us or visit often and have a place to stay!
As for filling it up- that one still boggles me. I own almost no furniture and am not even inclined toward liking furniture. I have a small wardrobe and no “plastic crap” to speak of, so what on earth would I fill my house with?
I dream of a big house, too, but with a different vision: I’m hoping to have roommates who can help bear the weight of the mortgage.
I know of many people who have bought houses with friends and, provided the friends in question are reliable and share your roommate values re: cleanliness, noise levels, and food-sharing, it can be an excellent answer to the question: How the HELL am I ever going to be able to afford a real home?
Plus, free rotating child care!