How to Respond to Clueless Advertising: An Exercise in Self-Esteem
Sarah Dopp is the editor of Genderfork, a blog that explores androgyny and gender variance through artistic photography. I asked her to write a guest post about gender and money. These are her words’¦
I’ve given up on television and I avoid magazines. I haven’t figured out a way to escape billboards and pay-per-click banner ads yet, but I know how to cope with them now: I laugh at them.
The way I figure it, marketing is about power. Good marketing is about empowering consumers, while evil marketing is about overpowering them. Then there’s bad marketing, which is in a category of its own. Bad marketing lobs its power in the wrong direction and misses its mark entirely, wasting everyone’s precious time, energy, and money.
Those of us who reject traditional gender roles get to face an excessive amount of bad marketing in our daily lives. We threw a wrench into marketing strategy when we took on nontraditional motivations, unpredictable desires, and unusual ways of expressing our identities. As a result, they lost track of how to reach us. Fortunately for the marketers, we’re a relatively small chunk of the population that can be easily ignored.
Unfortunately for us, we live in a world that inundates us with advertising, even when it’s not meant for our eyes. At its best, it’s a distraction. At its worst, an offensive invasion. Accepting that we can’t really make it go away, it seems we have three basic options for how to respond:
1. Get Angry. How dare they!? If I have to see one more commercial asking if I ever smell “not so fresh,” I’m going to break my television! And who are they to suggest that men can’t take care of children?! I can’t believe this!
There’s a saying I’ve heard: “Being hateful is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Unless you have the resources and drive needed to take on and change the advertising industry, chances are your anger isn’t going to affect anything but your own life expectancy.
Anger is not actually a form of power. Actions are power. And if your actions consist of jumping up and down and yelling at your television set, you might want to reconsider the real value of that adrenaline rush. But I suppose it’s still better than choosing to…
2. Feel Inadequate. I’d never look good in that. No one treats me that way. My life is so weird and lame. If only it were that easy. Why can’t I just be like them?
Or, my personal favorite: How come no one markets anything to me? It’s lonely over here — why can’t you compete for my attention, too? What, am I not good enough for you? I have money, too, you know. Why don’t you want to help me spend it?
It’s so much easier to slip into this mode than we want to admit. We know it’s not healthy. We know it’s not worth it. We know that this kind of response is tragically disempowering. And really, we know we’re fabulous no matter who’s saying otherwise. It’s just… so easy to be blind-sided when we lose our footing for a moment. When we’re feeling down, all we need to do is look up to remember that the world, as a whole, doesn’t care about us.
So we need a strategy. A basic easy-to-remember system for bushwacking our paths through the full-page spreads of life. I propose…
3. Laugh. OMG that’s hillarious! ::chuckle chortle guffaw::
I’m serious. When life hands you a sexist billboard, make a joyful noise. I’m not talking about the passive-aggressive-evil-glare kind of angry cackle. I mean a real, sincere, giggle. The kind that makes your eyes brighten and your belly shake. Thank that clueless ad for being your comic relief of the moment, and then move on to the next joke that’s coming into view.
Laugh because their tactics aren’t going anywhere near your identities or desires, and therefore the joke’s on them. Laugh because they’re not influencing you, and because you get to have more say over your spending impulses than most of the people around you. Laugh because you know how to co-exist with a system that is so caught up in sales that it doesn’t have time to stop and smell the delicious sweet air you’re enjoying right now. Laugh because you know yourself and you love yourself, and because the rich creative energy that surrounds you inspires you to grow.
Laugh because you have power. Laugh because you’re free.
More about Sarah Dopp
Sarah Dopp is a writer, website developer, and project management consultant in San Francisco. You can read more from Sarah at her personal blog, Dopp Juice.
That Sarah’s a smart one. 🙂
My first reaction is too often anger. It just seems that there are some marketing professionals out there who will always appeal to what they consider to be the base instincts or majority. It’s a waste of energy on my part.
Being angry does not equal being hateful, and I consider that a major flaw in your =first point.
Also, at no point is there the option, “be critical.” Which is what I do. And which is why anger (but not hatefulness) is perfectly valid and useful, too. M ight not work as well *for you*, but that doesn’t mean it is not useful, and should be dismissed as a lame, inadequate, “I guess it’s better than feeling bad about yourself” option.
Strong feelings frighten lots of people, but that doesn’t make ’em bad.
Thank you, Lori. I think that’s an excellent point. I know anger does have a role, and my comment here was also a bit overly dismissive:
“Unless you have the resources and drive needed to take on and change the advertising industry, chances are your anger isn’t going to affect anything but your own life expectancy.”
There’s definitely a middle ground between full-scale revolution and complete nihilism.
I would argue, though, that it’s also possible to be critical while laughing.
It’s possible to be critical after,/i> laughing, maybe. But usually (and, I would argue, most effectively), it’s used as a stonewalling tactic — a deliberate refusal to engage.
I’m not *against* laughter. I am *in favor of* multiple tools and approaches.
I think anger points us to something deeper – the needs that are unmet. Being angry isn’t wrong. It’s just that there is more underneath it, and connecting to those needs brings a deeper clarity and compassion that makes connection possible.
The standard options we have in our society if we don’t like something are to attack, defend, withdraw, or submit. Humor can be a form of defending or withdrawing, as was pointed out above, OR it can be a form of connecting. Anger can be a first step to connect to your own needs, AND it can become toxic if you stay there and don’t go deeper into that connection and self-care. It also can stop connection from happening with the person who is doing something that is not meeting your needs.
Here are some other options of ways to respond:
1. Grief. Honor your own needs that are not getting met. Connect more deeply to who you are, to what is important to you, and how you’d like to see the world evolve. Honor the pain that comes up, that is under the anger. Connecting to that pain and grieving releases it and leaves you free to act with clarity. It also feels damn good, to just affirm that who you are and what you need is good.
2. Compassion. See where they are at, how they came to be there. Be curious. See how they are part of a cultural mileau too, the same one you are in. Remember how people become aware at different rates, and how you were once less aware than you are now. Practice seeing them as human, doing the best they can.
3. Honesty. Speak up about what it is that troubles you, how it affected you, what other options might be for the person creating the ad. Seek to connect to the other person and let your heart be seen. Connection fosters trust which leads to understanding.
Emma, that’s amazing insight — thank you.