How gays & lesbians can sway rest of country on gay marriage: Wed with our wallets!
‘œMarriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.’ ‘“ Mae West
Last week, many of us had reason to celebrate as the California Supreme Court ruled that the ban here on gay marriage is unconstitutional. I’ve received many emails from friends asking if we’re going to get married.
Jeanine and I have talked about this many times and always agreed that we would wait until it was recognized at the federal level. But we’ve changed our minds and we’re heading to the altar. Although it won’t be a summer wedding ‘“ we think it’s best to wait and make sure the conservatives don’t get a ballot initiative this November that would amend the state constitution.
But once it looks like it’s going to stick, then yes, we’ll be tying the knot. Here’s why others should consider joining us even if your state doesn’t recognize same-sex marriages, domestic partnerships or civil unions. It’s best articulated by Brian Richardson in The Advocate:
But why wait for justice? Those who can afford it should travel to places that fully recognize our relationships and get married already!
It’s true that nonresident marriages will not be recognized in our home states (thank you, Defense of Marriage Act), but we can still send a powerful message. Just as we often use our dollars to support gay-friendly companies like Subaru and Disney, it’s time we wed with our wallets. Take your wedding banquets to Boston or Vancouver, Canada. Honeymoon in Amsterdam or Cape Town, South Africa.
If you can afford a destination wedding, have your ceremony in the few places that fully recognize same-sex marriage — Massachusetts, Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, South Africa, or Spain. By supporting communities that support us, we show other regions still hostile to marriage equality just how much they are missing out.
And in about thirty days, add California to this list. Here’s one reader that did this back in 2003 when she took her partner to Canada and got married. And why Canada?
In the summer of 2003 you could go to Vermont for a civil union, or to California to register for domestic partnership, or to Hawaii to declare your Reciprocal Beneficiary Relationship. Talk about romantic. None of these civilly unioned partnership-recognition deals came with any significant benefits that you couldn’t already arrange on your own. And those state-granted benefits did not travel beyond the states’ borders. I didn’t want a domestic partnership, civil union or reciprocal beneficent relationship.
Ontario said, ‘œCome get married. We’d love to have you as our guest.’ Yes, married, the same as everyone else. Even if the U.S. wouldn’t recognize our marriage, the fact that it was a real marriage meant something to me. I’d be happy to go to Canada to get it.
Well, the good ole’ United States of America is about to finally get it. That’s ‘œstates’ and in this economy money seems to be talking. Back to The Advocate article:
New York City comptroller William C. Thompson Jr. estimates his city’s economy would gain $142 million in the first three years after implementation of same-sex marriage legislation.
Let’s take our millions up the coast to Massachusetts or across the border to Canada. Because only when state legislatures realize how much money they’re losing will they help us gain the equality we’re seeking.
Yes, mayors and legislators should support marriage equality because it’s the right thing to do. But for those who aren’t there yet, we must expand our argument beyond what is right to what is lucrative. If we wed with our wallets now, it won’t be long before businesses and politicians wake up to the economic benefits of equality. Then the real America will start to agree with Mayor Quimby [of The Simpsons] and recognize that now is the time to legalize gay money — I mean gay marriage.
Where are my gay dollars going to get spent first? Wedding rings, of course! So what about you? Please feel free to leave your comments below.
My partner and I got married in Provincetown, MA on 8/5/04, and I would HIGHLY recommend it. We did a full ceremony at the UU church, complete with wedding gowns, flowers, photographers, etc. Because PTown is so gay friendly, when we emerged from the church to take some pictures afterwards, people on the street cheered us and shouted Congratulations and Mazel Tov (we got a log of Mazel Tovs – we’re not Jewish, but I guess a lot of them were!!) It was such a complete joy to feel in that moment that the world was on our side and was happy for us. And totally amazing to hold hands and kiss in public, and not be afraid or worried, but to actually be supported! One of the most wonderful days of my life, I’ll never forget it.
PS – oh yeah, and about the money part – we spent a week in PTown, ate out, went to shows, had 11 other guests at our reception that stayed about 3 days…we paid locally for flowers, photographer, videographer, cake, church, minister, singer/instrumentalist, reception dinner, hair/make-up, spa treatments, etc., to the tune of at least $5000 I’d say. Plus another $2000 in our home state for gowns, rings, invitations and booklet printing, etc. There’s definitely money to be made in the wedding industry for gays and lesbians!
I just designed what I believe to be the first gay postage stamp. If you’re interested in reading about it, I’m trying to get the word out there. We have the right to have a stamp! Thanks for hearing my banter.
We looked into marrying in Spain, but the regulations on residency were too strict. Best to get married in the States or Canada, I think, and honeymoon in a gay-friendly place. Tip: the Caribbean is about the most UN-friendly atmosphere for gays, both in attitude and legislation. (On most islands, hate crimes like the murder of gay men is rarely prosecuted and often encouraged by governments.) After living there for two years as a Peace Corps volunteer, I would highly recommend not going anywhere in the Caribbean with your partner if you plan to be “out.”
I really hope there is some industry or group in California that will be accurately tracking just how much the state does bring in, in terms of revenue from gay marriages. I’ve never seen a reliable number for Massachusetts. (Has anyone?) It would be so helpful come November for Californians to be able to say, “Look! Not only did the sky not fall in, but the state economy has already gained this much in revenue.”
And Nina, congratulations to you and Jeanine on deciding to go for it!!