Ten Money Questions for Vicki Wagner
Vicki Wagner is a funny girl, but she gets serious when it comes to dating. A comedian since 2001, Vicki wrote “Get a Gay Date Today, How to Market Yourself for Love” to offer vital strategies for gays and lesbians on the quest for love and connection. (There’s also a straight version!) The book boils it down to the game of “selling” to the right kind of “buyers” and this is the guidebook with how-tos.
Vicki is also the host of “Lesbian Knows Best,” a tell-it-like-it-is Internet talk show about relationships in which she freely dishes out advice. Sometimes though, the best advice comes with a price ($29.95 to be precise!), but the return on investment is pretty hard to beat. By the end of the book, you’ll be getting dates. Of course, the love part is up to you.
Below, Vicki answers our questions about money and finding your mate. Enjoy!
1. It is noted on your talk show, “Lesbian Knows Best” that you think like a man. How does this make you different than most women when it comes to money?
Well, my talk show, Lesbian Knows Best, is about me giving advice to straight people about their relationships, so when I say I think like a man I am talking about the obvious way a man would think about a woman… as in checking her out or having sexual thoughts about her.
But truth be told, I do think more analytically at the things that a woman might not. I bought my first house at age 22- it had three bedrooms, 3 baths and was on the golf course, so I didn’t do to bad. I started reading Money magazine and Fortune at age 20 and started investing in the stock market. I would say that by the time I was 27 I had more money in the stock market then some people make all year. When I moved out to West Hollywood, the first thing I did was buy real estate, which has really paid off in a big way, I got in right before the prices started soaring up.
I would also say that when it comes to money, I am not cheap and I really have a distain for cheap people, probably because my Dad was so cheap. In that aspect, I treat my women really well.
2. How much will it cost to find true love?
It might only cost you a .50 cent beer… I think they still have .50 cent beer night in the Midwest, don’t they? I don’t know, I am from Chicago but haven’t lived there in a long time. Actually some people spend thousands of dollars searching for the right one. If I added up all the money I spent searching for love, I could have bought a small island somewhere.
In terms of finding that special someone though, I think if you think you can go cheap on it, you are only going to get the kinds of people who are willing to put out for a relatively low price. You get what you pay for.
You have to actually look at your life long term and decide what kind of person you want to spend your life with. If you are ok with going down to the local saloon and your idea of fun is bowling on a league every Tuesday, well than that is what’s right for you.
If you are looking for someone who is educated and makes a great deal of money and can support themselves, than you might consider finding them elsewhere. I don’t think you can put a monetary value on it, but if I had to, I wouldn’t go cheapo.
3. Why are most online profiles a waste of time and money?
I have looked at literally thousands of profiles while researching for this book. I wanted to make sure that people were still making the same mistakes as they were when I first got online 3 years ago and you know what? They are still making the exact same mistakes so I think the book is greatly needed. I figure if I can help someone turn their profile into an amazing ad for themselves than I have done my small piece for society.
I think everyone deserves love and happiness and I see too many people complaining that they can’t meet anyone and then I take a look at their profile and see instantly why no one is contacting them. They have absolutely no clue how to market themselves.
Most online profiles are a waste of the monthly fee because they do nothing to compel anyone to want to click on their profiles, which I call “ads.” I mean, really, that’s all it is, an ad about yourself. All ads are trying to sell something and in the case of online dating, you are trying to sell YOU. If you put up a crappy picture and come up with a screen name that no one notices and you write a headline that is barely worth reading than what’s the point? You are just wasting your time and your money, and you are likely to get your feelings hurt because you think no one is interested in you. It’s not that they weren’t interested in you, it’s that they weren’t interested in your “ad.”
4. Do couples need to have the same philosophy about money?
I believe that couples do need the same philosophy about money, or at least be willing to understand one another’s spending habits. In my book, the entire first half is about getting to know yourself and what you want and what makes you tick. It’s really kind of a spiritual journey about finding out who you are and then applying it to the second half of the book, which is about writing an ad that incorporates those things.
If you are very frugal and tight with your money, you are not going to be a good match with someone who spends freely because you will always be judging each others spending habits.
No one likes to be told how to spend their money. I think you will be setting yourself up for failure if you don’t agree on this basic issue. Also, I think if you are different, it needs to be determined right up front and you need to establish your boundaries.
5. What’s the best money lesson you’ve learned from a romantic encounter?
That a stripper is really worth the money… No just kidding.
Let’s see, the best money lesson is don’t date someone who lets you buy them everything the first time you go out. If they do, than really, this person is a mooch who will probably never pay for anything.
I dated someone long ago who never had any money for anything but when it came to buying pot, yes marijuana, she always seemed to have the $80 or so it would cost per week.
I don’t smoke pot myself, and don’t care if someone else does, but if you can afford an $80 a week pot habit, then you can afford to take me out to dinner once in a while. There needs to be a give and take in a relationship or there is going to be some resentment.
6. Should people spend money to find a soul mate?
Absolutely. I think that the future of dating as we know it is going to be online and it costs money to post a profile. Why not spend $30 for a system that will teach you how to determine exactly what you want in someone and then tell you exactly how to craft an ad that will attract that someone. I mean if you don’t want to spend $30 to find a soulmate, than you should just give up right now.
I also think that for people who are older or are coming out of long term relationships, they might not know how the online dating world works, and my book really tells you what to expect. I don’t leave anything out. It’s like when I started writing it, it just kind of started flowing out of me like a faucet. I literally wrote for 12 hours a day for 7 months straight until the book was done.
If you don’t want to spend money trying to find your soul mate, than you should just stay home and quit crying to your friends about how lonely you are.
7. Is there anything wrong with making someone’s income a qualification for love?
No. I think people know who they are and what they want out of a relationship. If you are making a lot of money and are accustomed to living a high profile life jetting around the world here and there, it is unrealistic to think that someone who is poor can keep up with you.
I also think it would be hard if you were someone making $40,000 a year dating someone who made $400,000 a year, because unless there is a money agreement, this relationship will always be out of balance. How can someone making $400,000 a year expect the person making $40,000 a year to keep up and split things 50/50. That’s just unrealistic. The scenario I just gave you is a true one and it did not work out, just for this reason.
We all have circles of influence and if you look at yours, you will make the average amount of money as your five closest friends. Don’t believe me? Go ahead try it. If your friends are willing to divulge their incomes to you, you will indeed find that you are the median income of the five of them.
Most people earning $400,000 a year don’t hang out with people who make $40,000 a year and vice versa. You have to know what your circle of influence is and stay within it.
8. Does the Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama dynamic exist in gay and lesbian circles?
I am sure it does. I have known a couple of gay guys who have this type of relationship and it is purely sexual. The guy with the cash expects the guy without the cash to put out on demand. I did know a few female relationships like this as well and the one with the money was the one with the power. Who wants that kind of dynamic? Not me. But for the people who engage in this dynamic, they know what they are doing and it works for them, so I say- whatever floats your boat.
9. Who should pay on the first date?
I think that unless you agree beforehand that you are splitting the bill, the one who does the asking should pay… for all of it. If it works out, then you can work it in somewhere in the conversation or in a phone call that the other person will return the good graces on the next date.
I also think that if you ARE in a situation where the other person makes a considerable amount of money more than you, than after a few dates you should discuss this and work something out. Poor people can’t afford Perrier- Jouet or Cristal on a casual encounter.
10. Do you offer a money back guarantee on Get a Date Today?
YES I do! I was just telling my Mom, “Mom, if people can’t get a date after reading my book and taking all the steps I lay out than they should just shoot themselves because they will never find one!” She agreed wholeheartedly.
She has read both the gay version and the straight version, which are different. She asked me where this book was 20 years ago and then bought 10 copies and gave them to her single friends. Go check out the site, http://www.getagaydate.com download the guaranteed system I have put together, which includes the 251 page book, plus a workbook and if you don’t get a date after 8 weeks, I will give you every cent of the $29.95 back.
Then I’ll give you a gun… JUST KIDDING.
More about Vicki Wagner
Vicki Wagner is an Internet Talk Show Host, Speaker and a Stand Up Comedian who has been on stage since 2001. She has been making audiences laugh and encouraging them to look at their own shortcomings for almost a decade.
Vicki is often asked for advice on relationships, marketing, public relations, branding and advertising. She came up with the idea for “Get a Gay Date Today, How to Market Yourself for Love” in 2006 after teaching the principles in a seminar. So many of the participants asked her to write a book that she finally did.
She is often a guest speaker at national conferences and seminars on such subjects as confidence, happiness and marketing yourself for success. Vicki is the host of a Tell-it-like-it-is, no holds bar talk show about relationships in which she freely gives her advice. “Lesbian Knows Best.” The hook is that she is gay and her guests are straight. You can check it out at: http://www.lesbianknowsbest.com. To find out more about her comedy, please go to: http://www.vicki-wagner.com.
Vicki was also kicked out of the Air Force for being gay while holding a Top Secret Clearance in 1990. She has seen the discrimination against gay people first hand and has been an advocate for gay rights for almost 20 years. She has raised hundreds of thousand of dollars for gay causes and hopes to see the equality of gay people in her lifetime. Please check out her latest book: “Get a Date Today, How to Market Yourself for Love” at http://www.getagaydate.com.
Vicki can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Read other Queercents interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.