In the last month, Jeanine and I have had more disagreements than in all the six years we’ve been together. What’s the cause? Decisions and choices that need to be made about Sam. Welcome to parenthood, right?

We explained to friends the other night that metaphorically, raising a child is a lot like having a joint checking account in a household that was used to keeping its money separate. What do I mean by this?

Jeanine and I are best friends and typically always get along. We’re similar in what we want out of life, but different in the way we approach things. When it comes to money, we agree on what we consider to be the important things: spending less than we earn, saving a certain percentage of our incomes each year, and living without any credit card debt.

But we differ on the mechanics of money management. I’m a freak about balancing my checkbook every month. I log into my online accounts at least a few times a week. I guess I’m just being obsessive about making sure it’s all still there.

Jeanine didn’t even have online access to her checking and savings account until some point last year. Before this, I would sometimes catch her checking her balance with the automated phone service. Of course, I would just roll my eyes at her method’¦ but it’s her money and she’s responsible for the care and nurture of it. I once suggested that she try her bank’s online bill pay service and of course, she rolled her eyes at me.

Jeanine leases her car, I always buy pre-owned and drive it until the repairs outweigh the cost of getting a new one. She hates my old car, so we drive hers on the weekends. No issue there.

The point I’m trying to make is that it was easy to get along even with our differences’¦ why, because we could be independent in our approaches and our decisions really didn’t impact each other. This is why we’ve never mingled our money. We would drive each other nuts or at least be disagreeing constantly.

I’m all about structure, schedules and boundaries. Jeanine is easy going and less rigid. The outcome ends up being the same, but the way we get there is very different. You can imagine how this plays out with a baby and trying to stay in sync as new parents. It hasn’t been easy. Hence the comment to friends that Sam is kind of like opening a joint checking account.

I’m tracking every feeding, bowel movement and length of his sleeping periods. Literally! I make a notation in what we have dubbed the baby tracker. Of course, I’m making Jeanine do this too and when she forgets’¦ it frustrates me. She’s gotten better with each week.

Jeanine is very easy going and she wanted friends, neighbors and family members to be able to hold Sam at will. This drove me nuts. In my mind, nobody should touch Sam when he’s sleeping (for fear that he might wake up) or feed him (we’re his mommies, we should be the only ones feeding him), etc. It took me a month, but I’ve finally let a few people help out with a bottle here and there’¦ and of course, he survived and is probably better for it!

This experience reinforces how different parts of our personalities are’¦ obviously, I’m rigid and very black & white. This is fine when it comes to money. But I’m learning that I need to be a little more easy-going with our ‘œjoint checking account.’

Ahh, parenting’¦ even with the disagreements, it’s been an amazing experience so far! I suspect over time, the compromises will actually strengthen our relationship. Perhaps, we’ll even merge our money someday!

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