Wedding on a Budget: Should You Hire a Wedding Planner?
Welcome to week two of our Wedding on a Budget series. Last week we talked about setting a budget for your commitment ceremony and tracking your expenses. So here’s the $64,000 question: should you hire a wedding planner or not?
At the risk of getting a barrage of e-mails from wedding planners who are about to lose your business, I’m going to advocate in favor of planning your commitment ceremony without the aid of a wedding planner. Stephanie Pedersen, The Keep it Simple Guide to Planning a Wedding offers several arguments in favor of hiring a wedding planner: They may be willing to negotiate their price. And they can tap into discounts that you may not be able to get because they can guarantee vendors repeat business. But could a friend or family member take on this role?
Erin and Gayle from Tucson planned their commitment ceremony on a budget of $800. They knew it would mean doing a lot of work themselves, so they decided to get their friends involved.
We didn’t hire a planner. I have been organizing big events for years for work or activism, and I just transferred the skill sets to a new type of event. The people who helped us organize were called the “inner circle” (since they sat with us on the innermost circle during the ceremony which we modeled after the Quaker tradition), and that included seven close friends and my sister. We met regularly beforehand over dinner and wine to plan everything. We walked through everything, and I can’t tell you how important it was to have so many people involved because there were things I never would have thought of (such as asking the local elementary school if we could use the parking lot). Even with all of us and the small size of the event, it was still a lot of work.
The actual ceremony was beautiful. There was a monsoon that morning, and there was a rainbow over our house while we were setting up. I couldn’t make it up if I wanted, it was so gay. I can’t remember most of the morning because I was so nervous, but when we went outside, it was so nice to be enclosed in a circle of people we loved.
Bronwyn and Toni from California took a similar approach.
We did the planning in about 5 months. I kept track of everything in a binder to keep things in a central place. I wrote things down and took notes as I researched on the internet. At the time, there was not a lot out there about two women marrying, but I’m not afraid to make heterosexual planning ideas fit into my own. I’m also not afraid to think out of the box. Our friend served as the “minister” I guess you would call him – he performed the ceremony, and I am very grateful. We wrote our own vows and made it personal. Only intimate family and friends were at the ceremony, but there were more in attendance at the reception. We lit a candle, had a toast, danced, cut the cake . . . the whole charade. I loved it! I have nothing but great memories. The love of our friends enabled us to do the wedding on a budget. My budget is grand for some and nothing for others. For me, the way I stayed sane and within cost was the love and assistance of our friends.
Encouraged by the examples of other queer couples, my partner and I have opted to plan our wedding ourselves. We have a lot to do before our special day on May 2nd, but our mothers have offered to help make decorations and take a couple of trips to Costco to get the food. My best friend is flying in the week before the reception to help us get the backyard ready. Another friend is helping with the photography at the ceremony as his wedding gift to us. I was really nervous when we first got engaged that we would have to coordinate everything by ourselves, but I have been pleasantly surprised that everyone seems to want to help.
If you decide to take the DIY approach, check out Gayweddings.com to find gay-friendly wedding vendors in your area. It’s the only online wedding resource specifically for gay and lesbian couples.
What about you? Did you hire a wedding planner, or were you able to take a more DIY approach with your wedding? We’d love to hear how you were able to pull it all off.
My husband and I were married last summer on a shoestring budget. I think we spent $160 on wedding bands, $30 for a marriage license, and $50 for the city clerk to perform the ceremony. All of our married friends had fairly traditional weddings, so ours kind of stands out for its simplicity.
I would imagine that people would save lots of money on similar services if they did it themselves, maybe not everything, but at least some of it.
Instead they can save money and not have to work so much harder to pay off that ridiculously expensive wedding.
Hi Mark – congrats on your wedding. That’s amazing that you were able to do it all for under $400. Wow!
Tom – great point. Why get yourself into massive debt for something that is only one day out of your life together?
I’m getting married on May 16! It will be on a boat which has been an easy and friendly way to say “we can’t fit you into the guest list. The boat is too small.” that’s definitely saving money. our max is 65.
My friend the landscape artist is in charge of the flowers. Two friends are helping with the minimal decorations. The rest has been my doing..and it’s almost done. I am so thankful we’ve had a year-long engagement.
Congratulations, Moorea. That’s so exciting. I think a wedding on a boat has such a romantic tone. And it’s so unique. Wow!
Serena: By the way, great start with this series!
I wonder how gender plays into this particular topic. When I interviewed Craig Smith of Gay Celebrations (a same-sex wedding planner / events coordinator) for Ten Money Questions, he indicated that gay men are his typical client. Although this doesn’t really make sense to me since gay men are usually good at throwing parties and entertaining… I’m not sure why they would want to spend/waste the money on a planner.
Great question Nina. I would venture to guess it’s because men have more disposable income than women.
Hey I’m getting married May 16th too! One thing Moorea (my fiance) left out was that we are also downloading all 100 our favorite songs and making playlists on our i-pod (with a friend to “man” it during the ceremony) instead of getting a band or DJ so the music budget is only ~$100 and we have a good excuse to stack our i-pod! She and a friend of ours will also be sprinkling in at select times for live performances!
Congratulations, Karolyn. The iPod idea seems to be popular these days. Greta and Ingrid, who we featured last week, did this for their wedding. And my partner and I will be doing it for ours, too. But I don’t want to give away too much from next week’s article.
As a wedding/event planner, I actually agree with much of what you say. I don’t think it is necessary to hire a planner for a wedding, especially if you are on a budget. There is something very lovely about an event brought together by friends and family. The one thing I think it might be helpful to hire someone for is as a coordinator on the day of the wedding. If you have a friend or family member you trust to do the job, and if you don’t mind that they will be working all day while everyone else is enjoying themselves, you can certainly get away without hiring a professional. But for a few hundred dollars, you can have a little peace of mind and let your family and friends enjoy themselves.