It’s been six months since my big gay divorce and I’m doing so well that sometimes I forget how recently it was and how profoundly it shook me. My finances, like my social-life, self esteem and grocery-shopping schedule are still being worked out, and all in their own time. In many ways it was a long time ago ‘“ it was in the dead of winter, it was before the UCLA conference where I presented a paper, before Christmas and my 31st birthday, before some of the friends I see almost daily were leading ladies in my life, before weeks of below zero temperatures, before we knew whether Obama would be our next president or not. But when I stare down my dwindling bank account near the end of the month I have to remember that six months wasn’t so very long ago. It can take awhile to build a whole new financial life, I am doing a fine job of it.

In my previous post I recounted a few splurges. Despite some judgmental comments, I had money in my savings account for two great new summer dresses and did some shifting around to compensate for a few nights out with new friends. I don’t categorize these as anything close to ‘˜bad life choices.’ On the contrary, I think it’s important to stretch out, try things, and reinvent one’s priorities after such a big life change. Maybe eight months ago saving to have a baby was one of my top priorities, or a new bike for my ex was a shared high priority. Determining my new priorities, however is as awkward and exciting as adolescence. Do I want to save for a vacation with my friends? Do I want to overhaul my wardrobe? Take more dance classes? Contribute at the same rate to my long-term savings account?

Maybe when you’re in a relationship a night in with good wine and thai food delivery is simply IT. Maybe when you’re young and single in a big city with fantastic friends a few nights on the town where you pass on the PBR for some decent beer is a better way to spend money. Maybe I just realized that there are way too many live music and theater opportunities than I can handle, but am certain I want to handle some of them. Maybe I want to take someone out.

The beauty here is that these decisions are all mine. It’s my money and my future. And I love advice. I regularly solicit it from my parents and my older sister. My sister is particularly good at advice and encouragement when I call in tears convinced that I’ll always be poor, am terribly irresponsible, and other irrational thoughts that usually spill over after a late fee from the dvd store or something equally unremarkable. In moments where I wonder how I’m going to make it to the end of the month I look back at the live music I saw, the night out with a friend, the thai delivery with just me, the promise of a new crush or the growing stockpile in my savings account and remind myself it’s been six months, and lately I feel better than ever, and that’”that is priceless.

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Martinique Miller writes a personal finance blog with her two sisters, called Thrifty Sisters where they share their struggles and success with finances. She also writes the Lesbian Relationships column for The Chicago Examiner.

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