Dating on a Budget: Writing is for Lovers
A really good friend of mine will not date anyone that does not share her cell phone carrier. In my mind, that is a little extreme. Luckily, cell phone companies have jumped on the family and friends bandwagon whereby one can call certain numbers without affecting the cost of the monthly bill. But the requirement of a cell phone in a relationship is a little far fetched.
I have seen too many people use it as an electronic leash. Others use it for emergency purposes and still others use it for everything imaginable: talking, texting, photography, email, weather, directions, etc. On talk shows, I often see people talking about making dates, having intimate conversations, and even expressing undying love and affection through text messaging. This phenomenon has to be my biggest pet peeve. Love notes in 160 characters or less is the biggest joke around. It just isn’t enough space to type a well formulated thought. This little convenience is robbing relationships of much needed communication.
I know there are many reasons for the lack of hand written and face-to-face communication in relationships. Some people are just shy. Some are easily enticed with knowing they can’t say much. And it’s easy to blow off a text message as, “Sorry, I deleted it on accident. What did it say?” Furthermore, only the bare essentials are input on the screen. I love you has been reduced to “luv u” and “luv u 2”. It’s a little disheartening. How are relationships built if nothing is ever said? How do you know if that “I Love You” is romantic or platonic?
The lack of communication caught up with my relationship in February 2006. For Valentine’s Day I introduced a notebook. It cost me less than $2.00. The purpose of the notebook was to infuse more meaningful dialogue into our day. Less, “I hate my job” and more ” I love you because…”. I wrote in it and passed it on to my girlfriend. It serves as a private space just for us to write what we want to write. Over the years, it has captured love notes, frustrations, disappointments, artwork, music, and successes. It has served sometimes as a jumping off point for lovely conversations. (She admittedly hates to write.) Think of it as a diary for your relationship. Imagine the dates you will share time and time again; reading and sharing your thoughts with your partner. Think of how your relationship will grow.
Don’t fret if this is something that you don’t think you can keep up with. We don’t write everyday. And I think I do more of the writing. But, it has definitely made our relationship better. It came about in a stressful time and has journeyed with us through the best of times. That $2.00 was well spent; much cheaper than the “professional help” that was contemplated and more in-depth than any text message could ever be.
Photo Credit: Stock.Xchng
Tamara, I am with you on texting – and IMing. But I have to say, when my partner and I were in the early stage of our relationship, IMing was the key for us because we didn’t live in the same city, and neither of us had the kind of cell phone plan that allowed for unlimited talking on the phone. BUT – I think that too many people rely on text-based interactions and somehow assume that they’re building a relationship that way. The face to face was way more important for us than IMing.
I love your idea of the notebook. I also think that post-it notes are a good way to do the same thing. Shannon and I are always leaving little notes for each other in different places – the inside of the medicine cabinet, on the nightstand, on the laptop screen. Call me cheesy, but I’ve saved all of these notes. I like to leave them where I found them so that I can discover them all over again some other time. A pack of post-its is really cheap and you can find cute ones in the dollar bin at Michael’s or Target. Who doesn’t want a little “I love you” throughout the day?
Tamara — the notebook idea is terrific. What a creative way to bring a little imagination back into a relationship.
I confess to IM’ing my partner across the room. I could send a paper airplane, or even, gasp!, speak, but we both still find it funny. ‘Course in the old days of UNIX the way to find someone was to ping them, or better yet to finger them.
(I’m not making that up — to ‘finger’ is a real UNIX command, and it would come up in casual conversations at work. I was astonished that no one seemed slightly embarrassed or giggly at saying it. ‘Course maybe I was thrown off by the glare from their pocket protectors.)
Serena: I love your idea of the post it notes. My gf always puts little notes around for my birthday. I love them because I find them all day long. She even used leftover sentence strips from a summer camp one time. Those were really cute.
Helen: I would have giggled. LOL.
I hope everyone takes advantage of a notebook, email, or IM type communication versus using text or Twitter. Get some quality convo going outside of the bedroom 😉
I love your notebook idea and I may start my own soon. My partner and I use a dry erase board. We like to say its for messages but what we really use it for is notes to each other. Little I love yous and hope your day goes well and don’t stress about “it” kind of stuff. And heck every now and then an actual message that the other needs to see gets written on it! My goal is to start photgraphing our notes for one year and then make them into a collage. But I can’t figure out when to start the photos. . .
this is so cute. i think i’m going to cry. my partner and i just broke up recently. i wish i could have shared a notebook with her 🙁
Candirn: A dry erase board is a great idea. Start the photos now! LOL. Why wait any longer? You could also start on your anniversary, birthday, etc. and use it like a timeline.
Lynn: Darling cry! Don’t hold that stuff in. But what are you going to do about it? Actually that’s exactly how our notebook got started. The tears streamed down my face and I handed it off… Good luck hon!
I love the idea about the notebook, me and my girlfriend write emails to each other all the time about our feelings whether good or bad but the notebook idea would be more personal. When I was in highschool I did something like this with an ex, but it meant nothing. I enjoy when receiving text messages from my baby, It makes me smile. It’s just the new communication for the world; but I would not mind bringing some old flavor back to our love.