Queercents

What are your values? How about your financial values? Are they queer? Or just, you know, sensible?

I’ve been thinking a lot, during these sleepless nights of new parenthood, about all the values I want to transmit to my daughter. I know she’ll eventually forge her own—hopefully not in diametrical opposition to mine!—but I hope I’ll at least give her a solid foundation on which to build her own ideological home. (I’m also in the process of moving, so forgive all the house metaphors.)

As I jotted down some of my financial values, it occurred to me that many of these are informed by my experiences, identity, and ethics as a queer person. Others seem more universal. So here’s my highly opinionated, completely non-objective, utterly personal list of Fink Family Financial Values. What about your financial values? Are they ‘queered’ in some way by your experiences or values as an LGBTQ person?

1) Create and maintain financial independence.

Sweetie, here’s the scoop: don’t rely on a partner, a parent (ahem), or any other external source. Don’t debt. “Compound interest is the most powerful force in the universe,” said Albert Einstein. Indeedy. Read the rest of this entry »

Gas prices are hitting four bucks, airfares are sky-high, the economy is crashing to the ground, and the kids are bleating, “When are we going on vacation?” With a recession looming, many folks are scaling back their vacation plans this summer. But we all need a break (remember the sage wisdom of Madonna and the Go-Gos!), and vacations can be terrific bonding times for families. So here are some tips on how to save money on family vacations.

1) Hunt for deals on the internet… and the old-fashioned way.

Everyone probably knows about the major sites for discount hotels and plane tickets (Expedia, Hotels.com, cheaptickets.com are three reliable ones). Start there for big-ticket items, but once you know where you want to stay, also do a Google search for “discounts –hotel x” or even “discount code-hotel x.” I found a 15% discount for a hotel in NYC this way!

Once you’ve done all you can with the internet, get off the computer and on the phone. Call the hotel/airline/theater. There are two reasons for this: first, sometimes the hotel/airline/theater itself simply offers lower prices than those published anywhere on the internet. Second, once you have a human being on the other end of the line, you can see if they’re open to price reduction. Which brings me to #2: Read the rest of this entry »

Thanks to global warming, it’s already hit 80 degrees a few times here in DC.

My daughter loves being outdoors, but with skin cancer rates rising nationwide, and with her inherited bad skin-cancer luck (three of her great-grandparents and one of her grandparents have had skin cancers ranging from the benign to the quick killing sort), I’m concerned about protecting her. I’m also concerned about putting expensive, toxic gunk all over her…that might kill her more readily than the skin cancer that it’s supposed to prevent!

To put it bluntly: sunscreens suck. By the EPA’s own definition, sunscreens are chemicals that protect skin by absorbing and/or reflecting UVA and UVB rays. PABA, the most common chemical in sunscreen is a known carcinogen, as are many of the other common ingredients found in sunscreen. Sunblocks, on the other hand, are made of ingredients that themselves simply block, reflect, and scatter the sun’s rays, without any chemical reaction. But many products labeled as sunblock really aren’t—they contain PABA or other chemicals. As I noted previously, skin products aren’t monitored for safety the way food products are, even though new scientific evidence suggest that they may be absorbed even more directly into the bloodstream. Read the rest of this entry »

Here are a few updates that might be useful to those of you who have been reading this column.

In a previous post, I expressed my angst about having purchased onesies from Steve and Barry that were made with child labor.

The good news is that you can go buy those Steve and Barry/Sarah Jessica Parker-inspired onesies that I told you about. According to this report, they do not rely on child labor. And they’ve lowered their prices! So snatch up some of those groovy green and purple stripey onesies I told you about with a clean conscience. And maybe pick up some of SJP’s latest designs for yourself, if you’re so inclined (her dresses are a bit too Desperate Housewivesy for me, but I did pick up some cute metallic ballerina flats and relived my high school bunhead days).

In another post, I talked about the potential hazards of BPA leaching from plastic baby bottles. Read the rest of this entry »

Several of my friends just became new parents. They’re overjoyed and overwhelmed… especially by the costs! Here are some ways that you can help a friend who has either adopted or given birth to adjust and cope.

I’m directing these tips to queers WITHOUT kids, as it can be confusing to figure out how to help your friends with kids (I found it so, at least), and how to maintain your friendship in this transitional time.

Some of these suggestions are inexpensive (or free); some involve biggish bucks, but all can be modified to fit your budget and taste.

1) Give a new baby a gift of diapers in the correct size, bottles and formula (if they’re not nursing), or another necessity as specified by the parent. No, they’re not as cute as onesies, but it’s the every day necessities—diapers, bottles, and formula—that really run up the bills. The big-ticket items such as strollers are easy to find used, but that’s obviously not possible for diapers! Find out what brand/size your new parent friend uses, and buy whatever amount you can afford. You’ll be shocked to see what $100 worth of diapers looks like! Then, put a bow on it or make some cute wrapping, and voila—a terrific gift that shows that you understand the not-so-glam needs of new parents. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s raining here in DC. It rained yesterday. And I’ll bet it will rain tomorrow. My one-year-old is going stir-crazy; usually, we spend as much of the day outdoors as possible. It is on days like this that I question my commitment to a t.v.-free household!

But motherhood is the Queercents invention of ingenuity. Realizing that we faced many such rainy days in our family’s future, my partner and I started brainstorming for fun, cheap, creative, t.v.-free ways to entertain our kid, both at this age, and older ages. Of course there are always museums and so forth, but I’m most interested in stuff that you can do in your home, for free, without schlepping/parking/paying. So here goes: our five cheapo rainy day projects. What are yours?

1) Become a published author: make a book.
Use the situation at hand as the theme: what would your kid rather be doing on this rainy day? Going to the moon? Surfing in Mauii? Surfing on the moon? Read the rest of this entry »

So we’ve just gone on the market for a nanny. It’s an odd business, finding a substitute mama for your baby. What is it that you’re paying for, exactly? Skill? Sensitivity? A clean driving record?

All that, and something more. Something priceless. Something bordering on the impossible: piece of mind.

There’s no formula for how to find a good nanny, but here are some tips that I picked up along the way, that I think are particularly relevant for queer families.

1) Be clear about what you want, and what you’re offering.

Find out what the going rates are for the best quality nannies in your area, and offer exactly that. Don’t be cheap, but don’t try to buy quality and loyalty, either.

Be crystal-clear about your expectations. In my first email or phone exchange, I make it clear that my household is a queer, nonsmoking, no-t.v. household. I also explain that I will be home much of the time when the nanny is there (I am a writer), but that I need the nanny to leave me alone as much as possible. Read the rest of this entry »

Are you an anti-materialistic parent like me?Do you eschew gifts—giving and /or getting them—for kids’ birthday parties? Well, you’re part of a trend. Lots of parents are trying to deescalate the birthday wars, and are opting out altogether from the tradition of giving and getting gifts at kids’ birthdays.

I respect that. I can understand why a parent might not want to encourage mindless materialism. We want our kids to find value in experiences, not just objects; doesn’t the whole gift-giving birthday frenzy undermine that? Why not do away with birthday gifts and instead either ask for donations to a favorite cause (which in my daughter’s case would be the Save a Binky Foundation) or simply enjoy the day without gifts?

Well, on this one, I’m old-fashioned. I like gifts: getting them, but most of all, giving them. And I think the best gifts are neither expensive nor materialistic. They’re expressions of our feelings toward the recipient, whether we make them ourselves (which I prefer) or buy them. And I think you can raise your kids to be antimaterialistic and still enjoy giving them gifts. Read the rest of this entry »

Buried in this week’s headlines about the election, sex scandals, and so on, was this item: “Toxins Found in Leading Organic Brands”. Upsetting, no?

New tests show that known (and utterly inorganic) petrochemical-based carcinogens, which are particularly harmful to babies and children, were found in a shockingly wide range of skin and beauty products labeled and marketed as ‘organic.’

Some of these products are even marketed specifically to babies! Here’s the complete list, and the results of the study.

According to the results of the study, “the California Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) classes 1,4-Dioxane as a leading contaminant of groundwater and suspects it to be a kidney toxicant, neurotoxicant and respiratory toxicant.” Yikes! Read the rest of this entry »

It’s finally spring, which means… it’s baby shower season. I’m up to my ears in showers; I have four friends who are so pregnant they’re about to pop, and one who just adopted.

Though I’m not a fan of most over-commercialized holidays, I love the ritual of honoring someone on the brink of parenthood. And it’s often the last chance to have uninterrupted adult time with them (of either the coffee klatsch or XXX variety) for… oh, eighteen years or so.

But though I love the spirit of the baby shower, I don’t embrace its commercialism (and underlying assumptions about gender, parenthood, and all the rest). So no, I’m not a fan of pink or blue onesies, prefab baby books, puerile joke gifts, or cookie cutter “you’re special, new mom!” sentiments. I strive to make my shower gifts memorable, meaningful, eco-conscious… and cheap. Read the rest of this entry »