Queercents

Freedom of Choice: For those who believe in women’s freedom of choice about pregnancy, it’s time to think about women’s freedom of choice in birth. Though there are more birthing choices are available than ever before (hospital, birth center, midwives, home birth), there are 11 states where it is illegal for a midwife to attend a home birth and everywhere women are still regularly pressured into birthing in the hospital by partners, mothers, friends who do not trust that a woman can make the right individual choice for her body and her baby. Though a mother might feel more comfortable and in control at home, the prevailing ignorant thought is that if you don’t birth at a hospital, you are a bad mother putting your child at risk for the sake of your own comfort and preferences.

Health Benefits:
The medical community has a lot to say about why a hospital birth is safer but they have not officially published any comparative studies as to why it might be safer. Hospital birth is definitely safer for mothers who have had before-birth pregnancy complications and are considered High-Risk. However, there is no known added risk of birth complication if a normal low-risk mother births at home, and in fact many studies show that the risks decrease at home. Read the rest of this entry »

We didn’t have much cash to start with, but we just couldn’t wait. And then it happened on the first try.

I’m 6 weeks pregnant but I didn’t get a blood test to confirm our pregnancy. Two weeks worth of intuition and symptoms, two pee-sticks and a missed period were enough for me. I don’t have a problem with needles, I just have a problem with unessesary tests- even if they only cost a $20 co-pay. The co-pays add up fast. Some of our friends and family won’t believe it yet because “you need a doctor to tell you.” How I feel about what doctors know and don’t know is a different post entirely.

All of my intense symptoms, rapid weight gain and our knowing that I released both one egg before our insemination and one egg from the other ovary right after means we could be having twins. I’d like to know right away, but our portion of the intra-vaginal ultrasound which could tell us right now would be about $60 ($300 if we had no insurance). We’re not totally broke, I’m just totally cheap. So I decided to only have an affordable test to check the HgC hormone in my blood. Only if it’s high will be go for the ultrasound.

I’d really like it if we can keep the ultrasounds down to two throughout the pregnancy- one at 20 weeks to find out the sex and to check that everything is great and possibly one 1 or 2 weeks before our due date to check on the baby’s position, etc. With a midwife feeling my belly weekly at that point, that one may not be needed. Read the rest of this entry »

Two of my favorite local small businesses have signed on as supporters of the “3/50” movement. The point is to save local small businesses by spending $50.00 at three different independent stores each month. That’s a total of $150/month to make a huge impact on your local economic recovery. The 3/50 website reminds us:

“If half the population spent $50 a month in locally owned independent businesses, it would generate more than 42.6 billion in revenue. For every $100 spend in locally owned independent stores, $68 returns to the community through taxes, payroll and other expenditures. If you spend that in a national chain, only $43 stays here. Spend it online and nothing comes home.”

Of course I then wondered if we gays can find $150/month in LGBT–owned storefronts.

This does not mean we have to buy “new retail items.”  It can include used, consignment and antique items. It could include store-front businesses which provide a service like dog washing and grooming. This is the way I go since I am still on my “Buy Nothing New in 2009” kick. Read the rest of this entry »

In my last post, I lamented the fact that my wife and I are temporarily postponing starting our family due to the recession and the cost of sperm. If you have romantic ideas about buying sperm from a lovely bank and getting knocked up, you may not want to read on for fear of bursting your bubble.

The industry is one of zero regulation and very little competition. When it comes to big, emotional life-dreams, they could probably charge anything they wanted. It’s really hard to put a price on a baby, on life itself. While I’m livid that a little vial of the stuff we need is $500 a pop- we would likely even save up and buy sperm if it was $1000 a pop.

Supply and demand doesn’t factor in on this one in the usual way. There isn’t actually a lack of donors. There is, however, a lack of healthy, motile sperm that can survive a freeze. And there are even less donors that have viable pregnancies reported using their sperm. When you’ve found a donor that has the physical, mental and emotional attributes that you’re looking for, and you know his sperm works- you get attached and you’re probably willing to pay anything. That’s when you have your “If These Walls Could Talk Two” moment like Ellen DeGeneres and Sharon Stone and you’re crying “If only you and I could make a baby on our own! Why don’t you make sperm, Goddamn-it?”

It is not uncommon for the sperm shops to make only “washed” (tinkered with and sometimes twice as expensive) sperm available when it’s coming from a donor with known pregnancies. We would be buying unwashed sperm right now and doing with our midwife or at home if it was only available- but this is how the industry takes the most money it can from us. Whoever owns California Cryobank is making a killing. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve succumbed to the recession. I had a sign on a corkboard in my office for seven months that said “I will not participate in the recession” and I just took it down. I finally have admitted to my little femme-housewife-wannabe self that the recession has affected my wife and I in these ways:

1. Less income for both of us.
2. Can’t sell the little house, so we can’t buy a bigger one- which means…
3. Have to put our baby plans on hold which is also because we can’t afford sperm! (more on sperm in my next  blog).
4.   Can’t afford a two-seater kayak for summer fun. Not even a used one.

My optimism, however, got me through our gorgeous wedding this month, that although decidedly frugal has left us with a little bit of debt which makes our skin crawl and makes us even further aware of the recession. My optimism about finances and the economy meant that I didn’t drive myself crazy with worry all the way through wedding planning, I didn’t skimp on any of the details which were important to us, and those are memories that last a lifetime. Read the rest of this entry »

Oh my dear femmes, and the femme-curious: What makes a femme? I’ve been writing this column trying to say a lot of things about class politics and eco-feminism through the lens of being a femme, but there are many other queer femmes out there who have been writing beautiful and challenging things and here is your chance to read them,  in the Femmethology Volumes!

According to Sassafras Lowrey in “Can you See Me Now”:

“I have also been disappointed in the femme spaces I have been in where there exists an unspoken link among materialism, consumerism and femmeness. As a femme with few financial resources and anti–capitalist politics, that link bothers me. Of course, I love cute dresses and heels as much as the next femme, but I don’t think that my femmeness can be proven by how many Prada bags I own or how much my outfit costs. The idea that femme identity can be bought alienates poor and working-class femmes and people who see capitalism as one of the main roots of oppression in the U.S. and around the world. When femmes buy into the idea that is sold to us in the mainstream media and U.S. consumer society that femininity is something that is quite expensive and must be bought, are we really subverting the sexist and heteronormative ideals of femininity?”

And according to Maria See in “Outfit Separates”: Read the rest of this entry »

For my first interview for Queercents, I decided we could use some advice about trusts and estates, how to make sure our families, partner and charities can benefit from our money should we pass away. And what about if our deceased partner’s family tries to take what is meant for us? An ideal person to answer these questions just happens to be the love of my life.

Karolyn Hicks practices Trust and Estate Law and General Civil Litigation in Seattle with Stokes, Lawrence, Velikanje, Moore and Shore. Last year she won “Outstanding Young Lawyer of the Year Award” from the King County Bar Association. Karolyn was on the board of directors for the WA state ACLU for 5 years and has done pro-bono work for queer non-profits and our neighborhood free legal clinics.

Is having a will or trust more important for LGBT people?
Usually, but it depends on how you want your estate divided when you die. These are generally considered domestic matters which each state decides for itself and each state’s law is different. That being said, some general statements can guide you. For example, generally if you are in a same-sex relationship and registered as such in a state where same-sex marriages, civil unions, or domestic partnerships are recognized by the state, then your spouse and/or children (if any) will inherit your estate without the need for a will or trust. Read the rest of this entry »

Fun is not a word usually associated with an economic slump. But if you’ve lost your job or your savings or your business is slow, you have a choice to make. You can stay in bed and mope or you can stay positive, get creative and make the best of your time. Below are some ideas I’m currently living by and imparting to my life coaching clients. In between job searching, resume sending and marketing schemes you could:

- Get affordable vocational training, or certifications to beef up your resume.

- Learn to cook, sew, knit, paint, draw, and take digital photos. Anything you’ve been meaning to try that’s affordable to learn and practice.

- Use your gym membership! Make your health and fitness a priority if you already pay for it. Go every other day or more if you have new time on your hands.

- Hike trails, jog your neighborhood and talk to your neighbors, climb the tallest stairs you can find. Use your bike or kayak. Join a sports team. This is your free (or very low cost) gym! Read the rest of this entry »

Last week, I cut off seven inches of my hair and my partner cut hers butch-shorter than I’d ever seen on her. We shocked one another- and neither of us are used to it yet, but we both had a strong urge that “it had to be done”. And then the other day I was watching a news segment on how haircuts get shorter for men in the recession as they strive to look more clean-cut to land (or keep) that scarce job. I began to wonder if the same was true for women.

I thought I was personally just tired of finding random bits of fuzz and food in my long femme mane, but maybe there was something economically subconscious going on.

As the stock market fell in ’29 and a depression fell over our nation, women’s haircuts got very short (and men’s even shorter) and their skirts got longer- though more sleek with less fabric.

I happened to have asked my stylist who works mostly with women how business was doing in the recession. She noticed that business was wonderfully steady, noting that a “freshening” haircut would not be something women were not willing to give up in hard financial times. We all know haircuts give us a confidence boost, and these days that’s something most of us could really use. Read the rest of this entry »

This year I joined some of my friends on Facebook to buy “Nothing New In 2009”. It’s not a piece of cake- even though it’s been easier for me since I already buy most things second hand. I’ve been able to pay off old student loans faster; but if you’re a spender, taking the pact this year could actually save your precarious financial life! It’s near February but it’s not too late to be a radical.

It’s a challenge worth taking even if you’re not yet in the financial toilet. You can come up with an average amount you spend per month on new items and sock that much away into an emergency savings account, or pay off more of your debt each month. For me it’s also a very eco-friendly and spiritual challenge. I’m not imploring you to be a monk here. Services and entertainment are definitely a great place to spend your money if you have it, just no more stuff!

I am always thrifty, and still I estimate that I have already saved over $300.00 this month. (And that does not include the ($1000) business project expenditure I creatively talked myself out of.)

As an organizing coach, I have asked my clients and readers to shed the things you don’t need and so this next part may seem counter-intuitive. Read the rest of this entry »