The biggest unknown in your financial future isn’t the market’s performance, it’s how long you’re going to live.

Financial advisors have dubbed this the longevity risk. Thanks to advances in health care, the average life span has been extended and poses a new threat to Baby Boomers: outliving your money.

How much do you need to save by the time you retire? Fred Yager at ConsumerAffairs.com writes, “There are a lot of ‘guestimates’ but the low end number seems to be around $450,000. Anything lower than that and it becomes a real struggle. To live really comfortably, you need close to $1 million in savings.”

So how best can you predict your life expectancy? Hatch mentions a site called LivingTo100.com:

This free site can — by posing 40 questions about your habits and health history — predict your life expectancy, giving you a better sense of your post-career financial needs. I logged on, took the test, and learned that I can expect to live until the ripe age of 95. The site also provides advice on how, with a few changes (like flossing daily to lower my risk of heart disease), I can extend my life expectancy to 98!

Of interest to couples, a long-term relationship (married or not) can make a meaningful difference to your lifespan. A 21st-century catch-22 comes in the form of added years of life if I reduce weekly hours at work — but if I work less, how can I save more to pay for those extra years of retirement?

If you’re near retirement, most people should focus on preserving wealth and making it last. Create the proper balance between risk and potential reward and your investments will provide a steady stream of income throughout your golden years.

Have you ever considered how long you’ll be sticking around? Try the calculator and let us know what you learn about your lifespan.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

AARP has developed the online Prism Network to make lesbians and gays feel more at home within the organization. It’s a great idea. AARP, for instance, is offering members a free membership for a spouse or partner. Here’s the link for the AARP Prism Network.

Last year, Newsweek discussed issues faced by many aging gays in Invisible And Overlooked:

“In many ways, this population is a mirror opposite of what the mainstream aging community looks like,” says Karen Taylor, director of advocacy and training for the New York-based Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Elders, or SAGE, the nation’s oldest senior network. “The average senior in the United States lives with one other person; two-thirds of LGBT seniors live alone. If you don’t have those informal support networks built into your life, then everything else becomes a bigger issue. Who forces you to go to the doctor? What happens if you fall?”

As this community grows, in both population and visibility, those questions are becoming harder to ignore. Over the next 25 years, persons in America who are 65 and older are expected to grow from about 12 to 20 percent of the total population, and various estimates indicate that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered individuals will comprise 7 to 10 percent of that senior population. Meanwhile, like the Baby Boomers of all stripes, aging gays and lesbians are radically redefining what it means to be a senior—and how they fit into the larger community.

Other groups for LGBT seniors:

• Old Lesbians Organizing for Change
• Prime Timers
• Transgender Aging Network

Photo credit: AARP.

My parents have always been very private about their finances. That said, in high school, I learned how much money my dad made on an annual basis and over the years he continued to be open about the amount. He turns seventy soon and still works full time as a real estate appraiser. Even with the ups and downs in real estate prices, his income has been fairly consistent during the last ten to fifteen years.

But that’s about as much as I know. Everything else has really been off limits. For example, how much debt they carry, how much they have saved, the value of their life insurance policies (or if they have kept these current), the amount they still owe on their home, what other investments they have, what measures are in place to make sure my mom cared for if my dad dies first, or what happens when my dad can’t work anymore.

We’re all in the dark: all means me and my three siblings. I’ve asked and no one knows any more than what I’ve gathered. Quite frankly, I probably know the most because I share a lot about my personal finances with my parents and tend to pick up things about theirs in the conversation. I’ve made my own conclusions and those conclusions worry me.

I’ve tried being more direct with my parents and I get brushed off. I’m sure they understand my intentions are well-meaning, but they both have a sense of pride and perhaps, discussing their financial state seems like role reversal. I get the sense they’re not ready to relinquish control. It’s not like I want to get involved and start balancing their checkbook… I just think at this stage their adult children should be more in tune with the numbers and the plan in place. Or my fear is that they lack a plan and we could offer some guidance.

There was a really good guest post recently at Consumerism Commentary about How to Help Your Parents With Their Finances:

Most parents will never admit to you that they need help keeping track of their finances. Admitting help is a sign of giving in and succumbing to their elder age and for many seniors is a hard pill to swallow. Down the road it may be a necessity to assist them in their finances, but it’s not too early to start the money discussions today.

Usually it will take some sort of medical emergency before both parent and child realize that they both need to be on the same page with the financial situation. I’ve seen client instances where suddenly deceased parents left their children to sort through the financial mess that’s left behind. It’s the equivalent of setting out on a long hiking trip without compass and map, having no clue where to begin or where you are going. If you think a parent is in need of help, start looking for signs. If they start complaining about misplaced bills, bouncing checks and unpaid electricity bills, it might just be time to step in.

The author, a financial planner, offers some great points, but these depend on your parents being ready and willing to talk about it. Mine just aren’t there yet. If you have helped yours with their finances, I’d love to hear how you were able to get them to open up about needing assistance or just willing to share details about their current state.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Note: That is not a photo of my parents. My mother would have been horrified if I had used a real one… um, remember, they’re private.

1. How does the film challenge the stereotype of LGBT elders as a largely affluent group?
Ten More Good Years follows four LGBT Elders who represent the vast majority of our community in that they are NOT wealthy. The common belief is that queer older adults have lots of disposable income. The truth is the average annual income for LGBT seniors ranges between $16,000 – $22,000. As a result of antiquated federal laws an policies many LGBT elders, the groundbreakers of our civil rights movement, are finding themselves in situations similar too, if not exactly like, those presented in Ten More Good Years.

2. What did it cost to make your film? How did you raise the money?
Initially I set out to raise the money to make Ten More Good Years by applying for Grants. This process can be daunting and takes a long time for approval. I began the project without Grants and began racking up credit card bills. My first purchase was the camera. At the time I was working at a restaurant on Cornelia Street in the West Village called Po. I had been working there for quite some time and had made a lot of friendships with the regulars.

One of the regulars was a doctor, who happens to be straight. He asked me one evening what I was up too outside of the waiting job and I told him I was in the process of making a documentary on LGBT aging and the unique challenges that our Elders face. He asked me to meet him the following day for a drink. When we met he told me that his parents owned a nursing home in the Bronx and he grew up working there. He said that he really appreciated the fact that Elders were on my radar at all, gay or straight. He then asked what I needed to really get started and then wrote me a check for $25K. The true production of the film began then.

He and I became business partners on the film and remain business partners now with our company LookOut Films. Over the course of the next three years we both invested more and more money, most of which for me has been on credit cards. The documentary was later accepted by The Film Forum Sponsorship Program. As part of this program donors could make tax deductible donations toward the making of the film and still can if they are interested in helping with the distribution of the film. So far I have been able to raise around $20K from supporters, close friends and family. Last December Frameline in San Francisco approved Ten More Good Years for a finishing grant of $5K. At the end of the day the film cost somewhere between $150,000-$200,000 to produce and distribute from start to finish.

3. How do LGBT elders experience financial discrimination?
To sum this up concisely I’ll borrow from a recent article written in Aging Well Magazine. The results of many of these examples can be seen throughout Ten More Good Years.

“Banned from legal unions and marriage, LGBT couples do not benefit from the legal rights automatically conferred on married couples. For example, surviving partners are not eligible to obtain Social Security survivor benefits or Social Security spousal benefits that allow the surviving partner the right to one half of the spouse’s Social Security benefit if it is larger than his or her own benefit. Medicaid stipulations that protect the assets and homes of married spouses when the other spouse enters a nursing home or long-term care facility do not apply to LGBT partners.

Inheritance of a shared home or assets and benefits such as annuities are not protected for same-sex couples. However, there are ways around some of these restrictions. For example, signing a jointly held mortgage or designating a same-sex partner as the beneficiary of an annuity or retirement plan via a will can direct assets to a same-sex partner.

Economically deprived non-spouse beneficiaries can take advantage of the Pension Protection Act, signed into law in 2006, which allows receipt of a rollover from a 401(k) retirement benefit or withdrawal of money from a partner’s retirement fund in case of emergency. Surviving same-sex partners can also transfer the deceased partners’ retirement funds into an IRA account for use over their own life times.

Recent data reported by the Human Rights Campaign state that “Internal Revenue Code § 2056 exempts amounts transferred to a surviving spouse from the decedent’s taxable estate. For same-sex couples who are legally barred from marriage, this exemption is not available, creating an inequity in taxation.”

The Family and Medical Leave Act that guarantees family and medical leave to employees to care for parents, children, or spouses does not provide leave to care for domestic partners or domestic partners’ family members. Domestic partners of federal employees are excluded from the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program and from reimbursement for expenses incurred by a domestic partner.

The federal Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act does not require employers to provide domestic partners with the continued coverage guaranteed to married couples but rather only to “qualified beneficiaries” (spouses or dependent children).

Older adults in general are legally protected from ageism in the workplace, yet LGBT elders can be terminated from employment on the basis of sexual orientation without additional cause and without recourse. This threat increases the likelihood of invisibility, isolation, and financial insecurity.”

– Florence Gelo, DMin, NCPsyA, is an associate professor in the department of family, community, and preventive medicine at Drexel University College of Medicine in Philadelphia.

4. Did you find that lesbian women are less financially prepared for retirement than gay men?
I did not find there to be a huge difference between elder men and women. Because of the fact that women make less money than men the financial statistics are obvious; elder women have less money than elder men. The inability for LGBT seniors to collect Social Security or Pension Benefits from a deceased partner applies to both Gay women and men. What is different in large part is due to the AIDS pandemic. So many men lost partners, and without the financial support of their partner after they passed, many men wound up in financial situations that they did not plan for. Many of these men found themselves unable to pay rent and wound up in shelters. After losing so many friends and so many from their “family of choice” depression set in.

When you have financial instability and depression working together you have a recipe for disaster. I think that the elder population of today are still dealing with the ripple effect of HIV. Nobody prepares for an unforeseen epidemic. Many women came to the aid of gay men and spent their own dollars to fight AIDS when the government would not. This generosity helped to bring queer men and women together for the first time according to AIDS Activist and Lesbian Feminist Ivy Bottini. Today I think a younger generation of the LGBT population, both men and women, are not saving for retirement. We are living day to day and finding ourselves more and more in debt.

5. What have learned from your own parents about retirement?
My parents live in a different world than I do. My mother will be retiring soon and told me that she feels very secure. I just spoke with her the other day about how if my father dies she will receive his pension benefits which are wonderful because he worked for the city of Los Angeles for so long. If she dies first he will receive her SS because she made more money than he did. Either way they are set and don’t need to worry about where their next check will be coming from in the event of one or the other passing.

Their reality is different than mine. I know I need to save for my retirement and I would like to be in a situation where I could save money for retirement, but the fact is I simply cannot at this time in my life. I live in debt and at the moment have to think about how to pay that off first. I’ve learned that Social Security would be nice to fall back on but I doubt it will be there for me when I am ready to retire anyway. Save, save, save is what I’ve learned in a nutshell.

6. While making the documentary, did you meet a lot of LGBT elders that still have to work out of financial necessity?
All of the elders that I followed in the film still had to work to make ends meet and they ranged in age from 64 to 87 year old.

7. How does housing play into the aging equation?
If you are an elder LGBT person you grew up in a time when tolerance towards homosexuals was almost unthinkable. Gay men and women where thought of as mentally ill, often times institutionalized, given dishonorable discharges from the military and forced to serve time for it, abandoned by family, friends and co-workers if found out. Men and women lost jobs because of their sexuality and arrested for dancing arm in arm. These same people overcame these challenges and made it possible for me to be answering these questions for a queer publication affiliated with a queer television network. They are truly heroes.

Yet, when they reach an age where they need to move into assisted living facilities or nursing homes they must then reintroduce themselves to the very same people who discriminated against them when they were younger. Most of these bigoted people have not changed their minds about homosexuality and in their elder years are no less apprehensive about expressing their disdain for queer people and queer culture. So, housing does indeed play into the aging equation because after all these years of hard work to get our community this far they deserve the right to feel comfortable, out and proud where ever they reside. No one should ever have to go back into the closet.

8. Are you a full time filmmaker? If not, how do you fund your daily life so you can make films?
I am a full time filmmaker now. I have been lucky enough to find small film jobs to help pay the rent and cover the minimum payments on the credit cards. I will be starting on a new documentary in November and am now raising the money to make that film so that I don’t find myself further in debt. I’m very excited about this next project and hope to have it finished by the summer of 2009.

9. How should younger gays be preparing differently for retirement than their straight counterparts?
SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. That’s the best advice. Put a little bit aside every month if possible, cut back on the non-essentials and think about the future a bit rather than focusing on the here and now all the time. There is nothing to fear in aging, but there is a lot to fear in aging without money. I think I’d give the same advice to anyone these days, straight or gay.

10. How much does it cost to purchase the film online?
Currently the film is available for home use and educational use. Home use versions can be purchased two ways: one is via download for $9.95 and the other is available on DVD for $29.95. Educational use DVD’s come with a educational guide that is written to coincide with scenes from the film and the prices vary depending on the institution purchasing the film. Any type of purchase can be made online at TenMoreGoodYears.com.

More about Michael Jacoby
Michael Jacoby has been involved with the film industry for twenty years. As a child growing up in Los Angeles he was exposed to the craft on a daily basis. He began making films as a boy on his father’s Super 8 and fell in love with acting around the same time. His love for both filmmaking and film acting grew. He graduated from UCSB in 1992 with a Bachelor of Arts in Film. Following his college education Michael moved back to his hometown of Los Angeles and went to work for IRS Media as a Production Assistant and Script Reader.

In 1995 he moved to Barcelona, Spain. With a desire to immerse himself in a different culture he rented a room with a Catalonian, took Spanish classes on a daily basis and took up acting once again by working with La Agencia as a commercial talent. After a year and a half in Spain he returned to Los Angeles.

Michael began working as a Production Coordinator for The Wow Factor in 1998 and within the same year moved to New York City. He began studying acting again at William Esper Studios and upon completion of his studio program he promptly landed his first lead role in the feature “He’s Different,” a role on a nationally syndicated television series called “Hack” and two national commercials followed shortly there after. Michael also began working as a voice over talent represented by Access Talent.

Today Michael has merged all of his passions together. Three years ago he started his own film company called LookOut Films, Inc.

Read other Queercents interviews in the Ten Money Questions archive.

My half-sister is fifteen years younger and I’m not sure she’ll be in a financial position to provide assistance when its needed. The good news is that my dad’s financially stable and already in a comfortable retirement. My mom, not so much—she’s self-employed, smokes and has no health insurance. I thought I’d collect some insight and wisdom from QC readers on this issue.

Is it okay to criticize your parents for not being financially responsible? Clearly I wouldn’t tell a friend or stranger how to manage their money unless they asked me or were reading my thoughts within the contents of a blog. But if their savings decisions have a long term impact on me then it seems like I should have some input.

For now whenever I get a birthday check from my mom I slip in into a CD.

Is it rude to ask if there’s life insurance or inheritance? Personally I’m not banking on it being there. However given all my parents’ relative age disparities, life insurance or windfall could really help out with retirement and medical expenses if they should come up. (I should mention the rather morbid tidbit that all four of my biological grandparents died of cancer.)

If you have to have these conversations eventually… then when is the best time? There’s no two more delicate personal topics than money and mortality. Having this discussion between healthy independent adults just seems a little strange and creepy. But when the conversations go from uncomfortable to urgent it’s possibly too late.

Is it our responsibility to take care of everyone 100%? Double parental medical and senior care expenses could derail my own agenda for retirement so I need to start thinking about what care I’m realistically able to provide. Unlike my parents I don’t have a next generation to look after me which puts me even more on my own, not to mention the potential diminishment of social security.

There are resources on this blog. Nina has written about long term care insurance, for example—but I’m interested in readers’ opinion as well.

I should mention:
There is an upside to being gay and gray. I realize it’s kind of a depressing post so I’ll leave you with one comforting thought: In spite of our understandable fears about growing old, studies show that gays and lesbians adapt better to Aging than straights. We’re better at building support networks outside of our families and better at dealing with stigma.

How much of your financial strategy accounts for the care of others? How would you feel as parents? Let me know in the comments.

When not fearing for the uncertain future, Mike occasionally updates Broken Cupid, a dating blog for single gay guys.

However, I’ve recently discovered some hidden costs of having an only child. Of course, in the wash, it’s still cheaper to have only one—and cost is still not the main factor for anyone I’ve ever met in determining family size. But here are some costs to think about, prepare for, and maybe even save for if you’re going to have a single-child family.

1) Lessons, Play Groups, and Underwater French

I always planned to enroll my child in a few fun, enriching activities. I didn’t want to be one of those pushy type-A parents forcing my infant into underwater French lessons at six months to ensure she got into Harvard down the road. But I did plan to put her in a few classes in various art forms, sports, etc. when the time came. Well, with a single child, the time comes sooner rather than later, and with greater frequency, for a couple of reasons.

First, your single child needs and wants to be around other kids. Play groups are fine, but when they’re really little, kids don’t really play together, and do better with some structured activity like music or dance where they can do what’s known as ‘parallel play’—doing the activity beside other kids. These kinds of classes also help only children get over the stranger anxiety—fear of other kids and grownups—that is common in babies and toddlers. So at about one year, when it became clear (and was recommended by our pediatrician) that my daughter really wanted to be around other kids more, we signed her up for some play-based, age-appropriate music and dance classes. The parents join the kids, so it’s a bit of a coffee klatch.

I was a bit skeptical about such things at first, but my daughter loved it. Her motor, language, and social skills all zoomed forward. The total cost of these classes, which run for 6-10 weeks at a time, will be about $600 for a year. Not a huge expense, but while I’d probably sign any kid up, as I now see how beneficial these kinds of low-pressure, play-based classes can be, I wouldn’t probably do quite as many of these kiddie classes at this early an age if my daughter could get some of that playing/socializing/learning from interaction with a sibling. But since she can’t, we’ll be underwater basket weaving in French for many years to come.

2) Frequent Family Flying

Another expense: frequent flying to visit extended family. This is both costly, and exhausting. (I am in fact contemplating with terror a trip this very weekend to a Bat Mitzvah in Boston.) Again, we would have done some of this regardless of the size of our family, but because our daughter has no sibs, we really hope she’ll connect with her cousins and other extended family members. For “queerspawn” (the kids of lgbtq parents), this can be particularly important, I think.

We want our daughter to have a sense of being part of not only our little nuclear three-person unit, but also of both our extended families. In our case, our families represent two different races, ethnicities, religions, and cultures, and we hope she’ll connect to both. So we’re spending the time—and money—to facilitate this. We particularly hope to foster deep relationships between our daughter and some of the wonderful men in our family—none of whom live nearby!

3) Sickness Unto Death

Finally, there’s the unpleasant subject of illness and death—mine, and its economic and emotional impact on my daughter. I’ve been watching my parents deal with my grandparents’ illness, care, death, and associated costs over the last several years, and I’ve seen how much they rely on their siblings for emotional and financial support. Coping with a sick parent can be extraordinarily draining, emotionally and financially.

However, while no amount of money can duplicate the emotional support of a sibling, I can actively and responsibly plan for my retirement, as well as possible long-term medical costs, and make sure I’m well-insured in the event of my death. This is far easier for middle-to-upper-middle-class folks like me, since my job offers good benefits. I would probably do this sort of morbid planning anyway, but I especially hate the idea of leaving my only child without the proper resources to deal with my passing, be it tomorrow or in forty years.

Moreover, I’ve seen firsthand how an extended illness can eat at a family’s resources, so I’m doing everything in my power to keep that from happening to ours. Again, I’d do this planning regardless, but knowing that my daughter won’t have a sib to share the burden with makes me want to lighten that burden any way I can.

Can you folks think of any other stealth costs of raising a single child? How did you cope with them (the costs, not the kid!)?

Photo credit: stock.xchng.

Sam’s training motto is “fitness through inspiration, not intimidation,” which reflects his belief that total health is available to everyone, regardless of his or her present condition. He also thinks that muscle is currency. If that’s the case, then you just might want to make a deposit at the Bank of Sam. These are his words…

Years ago, I was in a relationship with a very muscular, worked out guy who was adored by all of our friends for his Adonis-like physique.

James (not his real name) spent hours in the gym each week working every muscle group to failure. Even my friend Paul who rarely gushes over anyone told me that he “had the best body of anyone he’d ever seen.”

His diet was strict. His collection of bodybuilder photos numbered in the thousands. He supplemented with amino acids and protein drinks several times throughout the day.

I was fascinated with James because he had the body that everyone, including me at the time, wanted. Perfectly rounded muscles, bubble butt, six-pack. “I love muscle,” he’d say. I was in the weight room twice a day, seven days a week, just to keep up.

One night at the dinner table, I asked him to explain how it was that he spent so much time and energy on his body. He reflected, and very serious look came across his face.

“Because” he said, “Muscle is currency in the gay world. It opens doors to people, places, and experiences you never would have otherwise.”

Muscle is currency? His theory was at once compelling and troubling to me. Yet, the statement has stuck with me over the years as I’ve evaluated it to see if it held up against situations and circumstances.

It seems true that for a man, masculinity is equated with the development of one’s body. The bigger or more developed your muscles, the more of a “man” you are.

The belief surrounds us. A glance over any magazine rack proves this: every cover of the major fitness magazines feature ripped, jacked-up men with chiseled abs, 16-inch arms and 50-inch chests. Straight male friends have privately expressed to Bronson and me their growing frustration with the vainglorious male imagery that permeates popular culture, from the underwear aisle at Macy’s to posters for feature films like The Dark Knight, 300 and Superman. For women, it’s all about being that size zero. Thin is in. The more slender her thighs, the more desirable she’s thought to be.

Beauty is considered valuable—men and women, gay or straight. Maybe that’s the actual currency. But what if true beauty was taking care of yourself — taking yourself to a place of “optimum” health.

Isn’t it beautiful to be able to take your grandchild for a long hike in a national parks, and have endurance and flexibility enough to do so?

Or how spectacular it must be to ride your bicycle from San Francisco to Los Angeles to raise money for AIDS, being able to pedal each of the 570 miles all the way to the finish line.

I say: beauty is finishing a yoga class, a tough hour in the weight room, or a triathlon. Beauty is fitting into jeans that you haven’t worn in years.

I say: true beauty is optimum health. It may not get you on to the cover of a magazine, invited to a pool party, or make you a celebrity—then again, it just might.

More about Sam Page
Sam Page is the 33-year-old man behind Sam Page Fitness, operating three private training studios in Southern California. He was co-founder and publisher of HERO, a national magazine for gay men. Post-publishing, he appeared as the lead in Ronnie Larsen’s stage play, “My Boyfriend, the Stripper,” then directed by Wash West in the GayVN award winning mockumentary, “The Hole,” and finally, a centerfold in Playgirl. An ex-Mormon, Sam’s health & fitness writing is syndicated worldwide but always appears first on his blog, PeaceLoveLunges.com. He happens to think the hottest man in the room is his husband.

Sorry Charlie, but the woman is dead, the meds won’t help.

OK, perhaps that is a little harsh and sarcastic, but it does leave you scratching your head wondering who is paying attention to what in the place?

For normal expenses and debts, a person’s estate is responsible for them even after death. However, personal family members are not necessarily responsible for the debts if the estate does not have the assets to pay for them.

A great question on Caring.com “Am I responsible for my father’s nursing home bill?”

A person’s debt does not die with them. What usually happens is that all creditors are notified when a person dies — and the outstanding debts are ranked in a hierarchy set out in state law and paid off from remaining estate property. If there is not enough property to satisfy the creditors at the tail end of the list, for example, they are simply out of luck and out of pocket.

The fact that you were authorized to act for your father in his power of attorney does not make you personally responsible for his debts. About the only way you would be responsible is if you signed on as your father’s personal guarantor when your father entered the nursing home, so you would be wise to get a copy of the nursing home contract and check out whether you expressly took on this obligation.

That is the normal scheme of things. However, what I’m talking about are plain and obscene billing snafus. In the same breath that my father told me about being billed for my grandmother’s medication which was apparently administered to her two days after she died (besides the obvious, how do you administer meds to an empty room??) he told me of a friend of his whose aunt just passed in the hospital. The hospital billed them for X-rays performed several days after her death. Hmmmm… and we wonder why medical claims and the cost of insurance has skyrocketed? We only know about these charges because my father is diligent about checking every little line item on everything (yes the apple does not fall far from the tree). What about all the folks who don’t check their bills or balance their checkbooks? Do those erroneous charges just get paid, not questions asked?

While we can sigh and say it is a sign of the times, apparently it is just a continuation or worsening of an existing problem. I found this NY Times article published in 1992 (you got that right, 16 years ago!) . But the advice remains sound:

After the professional work has been completed by a doctor or hospital, the bill should be scrutinized for mistakes and for services that were not provided or ordered. It may be difficult for lay people to read the bill, though, not only because of the codes, but also because of obscure medical terms and abbreviations.

Regardless of the reason, ask for an itemized listing and explanation of the charges so you can review them for reasonableness. When you cannot understand a listing or are confused about the treatment received, insist that the hospital’s billing office or doctor’s office staff decipher the bill.

The advantages of examining medical bills go beyond any dollar savings from your own pocket. The big picture is that erroneous charges paid by an insurance plan eventually come, fully or partly, from the participants in the plan. So, directly or indirectly, patients have a big personal stake in trimming medical bills that contain erroneous charges.

Although I would say erroneous charges like the ones my family experienced are even harder to catch. Immediately after someone dies families are often knee deep in grief, burial arrangements, and simply attempting to take it day by day. Checking the bill for services provided post-mortem is not at the top of the list.

I did learn while talking to an elder law attorney last week at a networking event that there are services you can hire to help you navigate all this and ensure you are not being taken for a ride. It is worth considering.

It got me to thinking – if or how this might be additionally compounded for an LGBT couple. My uneducated hunch is that it doesn’t matter what the legal status of your relationship is, an executor simply administers the estate (the myriad of legal and financial inequities we face come in at that point not by discriminating against WHO can do the administration). I’m not sure though.

I would love to hear your stories and experiences with this sort of situation both in general and how it may have different because you were LGBT. Looking forward to your comments…

Photo by: miguelb

When I was seventeen my dad gave me a checking account. In spite of the $100 opening deposit that gift didn’t go over so well. It was a smart idea to try and teach his son about managing money, however I saw through it immediately. It was like being given a neck tie, a symbol of the grey oppressive adulthood that lay before me.

That was not the last time I received money from my parents, but those times (especially in college) were rarely cause for celebration. There were a few other times after college (and student loans) I legitimately needed help, but that was nearly four years ago. And still every year like clockwork, the money comes on Christmas, birthday and sometimes even Easter. They’ve been politely offering to buy me a housewarming present from IKEA for the last year.

For those of you who haven’t read my bio, I’m thirty two years old, living on my own and working as a business analyst. I make relatively good money and as you’d expect from a personal finance blogger, I manage it very well. So when my dad hands me a couple of twenties when I visit or my aunt sends a fifty dollar check, I’m a bit mystified as to how I should feel.

While free money is good, I don’t have the most exciting plans for it. A large chunk of my personal savings is windfall money I put aside immediately rather than spend. It’s just the sort of responsible thing my dad wished I would have done when I was seventeen.

Still it’s a little embarrassing to my inner adult, like having my mom start cutting my steak for me in a fancy restaurant. While we go through many developmental milestones on our path to becoming independent adults, the relationship with our parents is sometimes slow to change. They still remember us in diapers.

I’ve never been a big fan of the old “oh you shouldn’t have” vs. “oh but I insist” dialogue. If someone makes a move for the bill at a restaurant, I don’t try to tackle them. I generally trust that when people offer to do something it’s because they want to and I accept graciously. After all I’m lucky to have supportive parents who are in a position to offer their financial assistance.

But for the sake of discussion… At what age would you say we’re too old for parental handouts?

Recently, I heard from Lea Abdnor, the Executive Director at Women for a Social Security Choice in response to my post about how gays and lesbians are Denied Social Security Benefits. In case you forgot, families of gays and lesbians (upon the death of a spouse) are denied the same benefits of heterosexual Americans, even though we contribute equally to Social Security throughout our careers.

Abdnor writes, “You are SO right about Social Security penalizing gays and lesbians. I’m straight but I’ve complained about this for years! ‘Legal’ spouses who don’t work a day in their life, and pay zero in Social Security benefits are granted FREE an additional 50% on top of his/her spouse’s Social Security benefit. A relic from the old ages.”

“If the system allowed workers to put part of their 12.4% taxes in a personal Social Security IRA that the worker OWNED, then the assets in the account (which could be considerable over a working career) would be inheritable.”

“I’ve never been able to understand why the gay and lesbian community hasn’t been screaming in support of those protected accounts. It wouldn’t preclude working for legal ‘marriage’ status, but personal accounts are a whole lot more likely!”

I have to plead ignorance on Social Security reform but Abdnor’s comment gave me good reason to research and then post here on the topic. What I found is that gay liberals typically don’t like the idea of Personal Retirement Accounts (PRA) because it falls under Bush’s reform plan.

But there are two sides to every coin so hear me out. According to the libertarian Cato Institute, “Andrew Lee, an undergraduate student at Claremont McKenna College, writes that Social Security reform is an issue that the typically left-leaning gay population should consider supporting. Same sex partners stand to gain significantly from a system of personal retirement accounts since under such a plan, individuals get to choose who receives survivor or dependent benefits.” If you want to read his thoughts in entirety then click over to the San Francisco Chronicle site. He makes some valid points.

Back in 2004, Mike Hill wrote a brief but compelling piece called, Social Insecurity and why queers should push for PRAs. He writes, “A bitter cat fight has broken out between two leading gay rights organizations over whether or not to support a social security privitization initiative which would, as a part of the reform, allow same-sex couples the same access to the system’s benefits as heterosexual married couples. The left-leaning National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is against this, because they are reflexively against any social security reform, while the centrist Human Rights Campaign is likely to come out in favor of such an initiative.”

“I don’t care who proposes social security reform — whether it’s Noam Chomsky or Pat Robertson — on this issue, they would have my support. I am 32 years old, and every year thousands of dollars – money I will never see again, since social security will be long since broke by the time I retire – are sucked from my paycheck to pay for Cadillac hood-ornament polishings for wealthy seniors.”

“Social security reform cannot come too soon — it is my money, so let me save it as I wish. I should note, I am not some anti-tax zealot. I know taxes pay for a civilized society, and I even accept the need for welfare for the truly needy. But social security is not welfare, and it is not a tax which benefits society as a whole. It is a special-interest subsidy for the elderly, including many who are quite well-off. I believe the program should be rolled up…pay people back what they put into it (and no more) and phase it out over the next decade or so, to be replaced with a system where people get to choose where their retirement savings are invested, and where they money is kept in their own names, in private accounts.”

Interesting! The problem is: none of the Democrats are for PRAs. You can find out where all the candidates stand (both Democrats and Republicans) by clicking on this link.

Social Security aside, Dan Woog argues that today’s same-sex partners still fare better than preceding generations (due to changing governmental policies and the policies of private employers) in his article: Retirement Issues for Gay/Lesbian Couples.

He writes, “Until recently, private savings vehicles like 401ks varied enormously between same-sex and married couples. In August 2006, however, Congress revised the Pension Protection Act of 2006, giving same-sex couples (and nonmarried heterosexual partners) much fairer – though still not equal – treatment.” It’s a start.

So back to PRA’s – what do you think? Should we or shouldn’t we? Comments encouraged.