Clint Osterholz is a comedian and young gay urban nomad who has lived in a number of cities in North America. He knows a thing or two from experience about how to move on a budget. We posted Part One of this series last month and he’s back to share a few more ideas. These are his words’¦

Well, well, well. Look at the hayseed who left behind Podunk for the shimmering lights of the big city! It looks like you followed all my directions so you’re here, you’re happy, you’re healthy, and your wallet is practically bursting at the seams. First of all, ditch the wallet because they’re no longer in vogue here. Second, prepare to part with some of those hard-earned Elks Lodge tips. Third–and this is most important–get ready to break some conventional rules.

This series has assumed that, thus far, you don’t have a career that you mind parting with or that you are much of a planner. It’s a safe assumption. Many twinks and baby dykes strike out on their own to find fortune from smaller areas that aren’t conducive to their desired career arc. It’s not to say that you can’t be an actor in Billings, but you probably have to find some other job to supplement your income. We’re continuing with that theme because, frankly, there’s too much advice out there on how to move when you’re a grown up with a big fat paycheck and a house to move into.

I moved from Albuquerque to Boston with (I kid you not) 160 lb. of luggage and a cowboy hat, and with no job or apartment. Quite a contrast from what MSN Money was able to provide in terms of information, let me tell you. I found plenty on moving with colicky babies and how to meet new soccer moms, but nothing on how to find a cheap apartment in an unfamiliar city while your life’s belongings are stowed away under padlock and key in a six-person hostel room.

Tip #1: Hit the Hostels
Rather than a pricey hotel, try staying at a hostel while you conduct your apartment search. The cost difference is massive, and it’s a smart move–you’re not the only one in a hostel doing apartment hunting. It’s a mecca of students, international cuties, and y-gunners trying to find a pad in their new metropolis. You can even enroll for annual membership to save even more money on your stay. The only caveat here is that you can only stay for two weeks, so you’ve got limited time to find an apartment. If the housing market in your city is tight, don’t even try this. You might end up settling for a terrible place for far too much.

Super tip: You can even find a roommate among your fellow hostelites. Use good judgement and don’t instantly pair off with the first dude who says he has first/last/security, but do keep your eyes peeled.

Tip #2: Ditch the Brokers
Brokers will claim up and down that they can find you a great apartment in the city. While this is true, there is a massive price tag attached. They will often charge you up to half a month’s rent for their services if not more, which means that you’re out a lot of cash for having someone do what you can on Craigslist for free. That’s right; how do you think brokers get their leads? Some do have an in at some very exclusive apartment complexes, it’s true, but you are not making any money at this point. Why would you want to get a place based on theoretical income? Overestimate your rent and underestimate your earning potential right now. It will pay off. If your housing market is tight, however, a broker can be your best friend. They can act as a proxy for you to find you a place, but remember–they cost.

Super tip: The Internet is your friend. You can find apartments online through Craigslist so you can skip the broker fee altogether. Then you can rent directly from someone instead of going through a conduit who, again, charges you for doing something you can easily do for yourself.

Tip #3: Divorce Yourself From Fantasy
You have, like your gay brethren and sistren before you, fallen under the spell of unrealistic expectations. TV and movies depict witty singles in ridiculously large apartments, and it rubs off on your brain after awhile. Your first city apartment will not be like the one on Friends. I’m sorry. You can, however, still find a fantastic spot in or near the city. Don’t get hung up on having New York City on your postcards home; if Yonkers has cheaper rent and you can get to the city in a reasonable amount of time, take it! You still don’t have a job! You need to pretend like you have to live solely on your savings for an indefinite amount of time.

Super tip: Find roommates. Two-bedroom apartments are usually priced marginally higher than one-bedroom apartments. Sharing resources is the smart thing to do here. Again, be smart–don’t live with best friends, fellas or fillies you’ve fooled around with, or psychos. But then, maybe you want to be like me and make all your mistakes the stupid way. No, really, don’t.

This ought to help you land a place fair and square in your city upon a hill. If you followed my tips to the letter, you ought to still have a fair bit socked away to aid you in your job search. Which, incidentally, is the next thing I’ll be addressing. In the meantime, get out there and find you an apartment! And if you find a rent-controlled place in Hell’s Kitchen, remember your old pal Clint, yeah?

More about Clint Osterholz
Clint Osterholz is a comedian/young gay urban nomad (or a y-gunner for short) who has lived in Knoxville, Albuquerque, Boston, and New York City. His mom is an accountant, which makes him half-accountant and thereby somewhat good with money, budgeting, and finances. He lives currently in New York City with The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary.