And So It Stands
The CA Supreme Court voted 6-1 to uphold Proposal 8 while maintaining the legality of mine and 18,000 other couples’ marriages. Talk about mixed feelings. This was the only thing I was going to be able to write about today…regardless of the outcome.
As I spoke with people at various parties over the long weekend here in Florida, I was amazed at how few were even aware that there was a decision pending from the CA Supreme Court. They were unequivocally supportive once they were told of the case and the ruling expected today. One person asked “are there financial ramifications to your marital status and lack of recognition in Florida?”. Um. Yeah. And by the way, the financial and legal protections are what all the fuss is about! We don’t just like marching and carrying signs. We’re not seeking approval or recognition from yours or anyone else’s God. Its about the rights.
Kate Kendal says in her blog post today…
We must now use that strength to reverse Prop 8 at the ballot. As we band together to realize that goal, the more than 18,000 married same-sex couples must be our ambassadors. They must help others regain the equality that now only some of us enjoy. We must also call on fair-minded Californians to stand with us, come to know our families, and undo the damage caused by Prop 8.
This has to be about more than California now. If there is one positive outcome to Proposal 8 and similar initiatives around the country is that they are galvanizing us on a national level. Let’s all be ambassadors in the pursuit of equality. My experiences over the weekend tell me we have some work to do in Florida. Better get to it.
Carol, I think Yasmin had a damn good response to the Prop 8 decision over at The Bilerico Project. I won’t echo her arguments here, but I agree that the marriage battle is a time and resource suck. I think the strategy is flawed for several reasons.
Women’s suffrage was initially fought on a state by state basis. It took 80 years for women to win the right to vote. Three generations of women dedicated their lives to the suffrage campaign, and it wasn’t until the campaign focus shifted to the national level that women’s rights started to gain some real traction in this country.
I think this is an apt analogy for what we have been doing with marriage equality. Until the DOMA is overturned, state battles don’t mean shit. We need to learn the lessons of history if we want to win. I think the focus on marriage is a failed strategy for much bigger reasons than the federal v. state focus. I don’t believe in the institution of marriage, period (for gays or straights). But if you want to win equality, you need a national strategy, not a piecemeal solution.
Hey, Carol,
I agree with Serena (natch) about the time and resource suck of gay marriage. I also think this whole conversation about gay and lesbian rights around marriage ignores the fact that the single people and unmarried couples get the short end of the stick. I think it’s great that people feel like they’re supposed to be ambassadors for gay marriage, but marriage hardly seems like a fair solution given that lots of people a)don’t want any part of the institution and b)being married won’t help you with the basic forms of inequality, such as employment discrimination.
In the end, I have to wonder: what are gays and lesbians galvanizing for, exactly? Why marriage? Why not employment non-discrimination? The right to have and adopt children and maintain custody without every birth being one more occasion to get a lawyer to draw up airtight agreements? The right to basic health care, regardless of marital status?
Serena and Yasim…yes of course to all you say. There are many different forms of inequality. I couldn’t agree more that healthcare should not be associated with marriage, that adoption rights and nondiscrimination are as, or arguably more, important than marriage rights. Personally I’m more concerned with age discrimination w.r.t. employment at this stage. But what do we call that contract whereby we are able to define our legal “next of kin” for all the protections afforded that relationship? How do I state that this is the default person I want at my side in the hospital, this is the person to make all sorts of decisions on my behalf in the medical and financial realms, this person with whom I jointly own property should be able to continue to own that property (without reassessment) should something happen to me, this is the person that is the default beneficiary, etc. Marriage is, legally speaking, a property arrangement. So maybe it would be better to fight for “property agreement” rights.
Many of these things can be contracted for independently but not all. Further, the vast majority of people who do not subscribe to Queercents cannot articulate these issues but they do have at least a vague notion that the institution of marriage comes with a lot of stuff. Marriage is just a convenient term. I’m not fond of it either. But I do want the ability to explicitly define my closest relative (could be a cousin or a best friend for that matter) without having to undertake a careful, step by step, costly document preparation project.
As for the social commitment/acceptance portion of our show, well that is really personal. I did find it valuable to state my lifetime commitment intentions in front of my family and friends. Many choose not to make these commitments at all or, if they do, choose not to ceremonialize them. They should be afforded all the same “property arrangement” rights.
Carol, I agree with what you’ve just said. Here’s my “solution.” I should be able to designate whomever I want to be my next of kin and to be at my side in the hospital. The playing field should be totally leveled so that everyone has to draw up the same documents – gay, straight, single, married.
Your concession that marriage is a property arrangement is precisely the reason that I oppose the institution. I am not a piece of property. Yes, my partner and I recently celebrated our commitment to one another. But no contracts were drawn up giving us legal recognition of our relationship. I kind of like the fact that we exist outside the sanction of the state.