Are Non-Holiday Gifts Better Appreciated?
Some people scorn those who hate gift giving. Another group resents those who expect a gift. And then there’s Joel Waldfogel, an economist who has dedicated his life to the study of gifts. His research asserts we are all incompetent gift givers.
Waldfogel explains, ‘œOn average, a dollar that people spend for themselves creates nearly 20 percent more satisfaction than a dollar that someone else spends on them. Put another’”depressing’”way, gift-giving effectively discards 20 percent of the gift’s price. So, of the nearly $100 billion spent on holiday gifts each year, one-fifth is effectively flushed down the toilet.’
So we waste money on holiday gifts’¦ no surprise or argument there! But are we any better at giving birthday, wedding, anniversary, [insert special occasion] gifts? You tell me.
From my perspective, I want to cling to this idea we are wholly incapable of giving a gift that will be truly appreciated by the receiver unless it was 1) specifically requested, as well as a surprise, or 2) handmade.
If I could be emperor of the world for a day, I’d abolish any form of gift giving that involves the purchase of a gift. Here’s why, based on personal experience and observation:
1. Surely there must have been one occasion in which you or your gift receiver wondered, ‘œWhy the hell did he/she get me this?’
2. Even the most grateful person on the planet must have felt some bit of disappointment when not getting a gift from a family member or long-time friend. [This of course excludes periods of financial stress for the gift giver- though sometimes this is not even acknowledged.]
3. You know there’s been at least one time in your life when you or your gift receiver thought, ‘œHmm’¦ I spent more money on their gift.’
I’m probably leaving out numerous other points that make gift giving such a minefield. But perhaps I’m being too harsh. Do you think non-holiday gifts are better appreciated than holiday gifts?
I think there are many people who share this view on gifts.
I couldn’t be without gifts. But I’m mildly annoyed that two close people didn’t get me a birthday present, I’ve had numerous ‘not exactly desired’ presents, and I have given and received presents from differing price brackets.
If I was emperor for the day, I’d probably spend my time improving something other than gifts. Like making decrees on musical taste.
In a moment of kismet, I realized my desk calendar has an awesome quote for today:
“To give and then not to feel that one has given is the very best of all ways of giving.”–Max Beerbohm
I prefer to be a happy giver. I am a very hippie-chick, earth mother type. Stuff and things have their ebb flow to me and from me. I like to be the one who gets the perfect gift for family members- and I would rather give a perfect small something than a big, wrong thing. If people don’t get it or want to complain about how someone “got more”- I never hear it. If I did hear it, the riot act would be read on the spot- not harbored for future use.
Ha! You brought back the memories of how my maternal grandmother would give this Queer boy (me) a football every year for Christmas and a one dollar bill in my birthday cards. Hated the former (she just could not understand that I despised football) but, how I loved that one dollar! I would plan out how many “things” I could buy with the money – ten boxes of junior mints anyone?
Well anyway – I am not so sure I see “holiday vs. non-holiday” as the best way to view the issue.
I see the world divided into 2 very distinct camps. Those that see gift giving as drudgery, obligation, waste of time/energy/money as those who see it as fun, a challenge (what gift would really spin her wheels) and a way to express kindness, humor, thanks and love. I adore giving and receiving gifts but have come to appreciate those who see the world through a different lens.
Like other things in life, we can not always change what happens to us (including gifts we receive, gifts we feel we “have to buy”) but we sure can manage our emotional responses to the situations.
– jj
Hmmm. Plonkee must have some of the same loser friends as me because I too have 2 close friends who didn’t bother to get me a birthday gift. Of course the question then becomes is no gift better than a crappy gift? I had a partner who spent the first 2 years of our relationship giving me soap – sure it was scented and from boutiques, but c’mon, we’re talking about SOAP. The whole “It’s the thought that counts” is a lame cop out to make people feel better about the sorry gifts they receieve.
Holiday gifts are definitely better appreciated. Everyone is in a good mood during the holiday season. The holidays are for everyone. Birthdays on the other hand are about 1 specific person, a day where that person gets to be special. It’s hard to be special without a gift – then it’s like any other day. Weddings are somewhere in the middle. They’re about a specific couple which has a certain expectation for the quality of gift received (after all they’re shelling out a small fortune to feed & entertain you at their event) but they also have gift registries so they’re sure to get something they want.
Gift giving would be so much easier and more appreciated across the board if everyone had an Amazon wish list and got people what they wanted.
Bina: “Gift giving would be so much easier and more appreciated across the board if everyone had an Amazon wish list and got people what they wanted.”
Then where would the surprise be? If we all had a wishlist, then we could buy our own junk.
I don’t like getting gifts, but I like giving them. I don’t like getting them because I feel obligated to return the gift in-kind. I don’t remember people’s birthdays, and as I age, I get more and more people in the “gift loop”. It’s just getting overwhelming and a bit silly.
Plonkee: To expect a gift from anyone is selfish (this isn’t meant to be a cut on you specifically). You should NEVER expect a gift from anyone, cause then it feels so much better if you do get one. Yes, I understand the disappointment, but I’ve actually told my family that I don’t want gifts anymore, but I’ll still keep giving them.
I don’t mind if people don’t give me gifts, but I don’t care for generic impersonal gifts that didn’t involve any thought — why bother giving a gift at all? I would love to get a handmade gift, but I rarely ever do.
There is this book “The Five Love Languages” that might explain why people like plonkee find gifts so important, while others don’t. There’s a lot of Christian stuff in it, but the basic idea is applicable to those of any religion or none: people have different ways of receiving/giving love. Somebody whose “love language” is words of affirmation might be annoyed that their partner is always giving them gifts and yet not telling them how much they mean to them, etc. — but that’s because their partner’s love language is gifts, not words. The other languages are acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.