Are You Putting Yourself on Sale?
I’ve recently started reading (the audiobook version) Suze Orman’s Women & Money book. You can expect I will expound upon what I learn as well as my vast opinions in the coming weeks. Most recently I wrote the post “Don’t Put Yourself on Sale” over at my Coaching4Lesbians blog. In it I talk about the key ways Suze says women devalue themselves by putting living their lives on the sale rack:
- Not negotiating for a better salary
- Reducing our rates for customers that say they can’t afford the products/services we offer as business owners
- Bartering even when we would prefer the cash and/or don’t want the service we are bartering for (or worse yet, bartering in unequal shares ” hour for hour even if our hourly rates are different)
- Giving our products or services away because potential customers balk at the price or say they can’t afford what we offer
- Not asking for a raise when we deserve one
- Volunteering our time and expertise when we can’t really afford to be doing so (volunteering itself can be great and rewarding, but if we do so at a detriment to ourselves financially or otherwise, it is not helping anyone!)
I thought this was a great way to frame how we as women often devalue ourselves financially. That got me to thinking – how else do we put ourselves on sale even if it isn’t directly tied to money? How often do we put our personal well-being, self-worth, and value on sale? What impact does this have?
As I thought of this I instantly thought of ways women, especially lesbians, often put themselves on sale.
- Not being honest or authentic about who we really are.
- Hurting ourselves and our relationships when we deny that they exist by dancing around the question or making up stories to avoid coming out. Even the little subtle dishonesty by ommission counts and I know more than one relationship that has gone south because the partner feels disrespected or not valued because her other half doesn’t acknowledge that she exists.
- Saying “yes” when we mean “no” to obligations, offers, careers, volunteer requests…you name it
- Overbooking our schedules to within an inch of our sanity
- Ignoring our intuition
- Disregarding our true feelings and what our body and spirit really want to tell us
- Beating ourselves up with negative self-talk or other self-abusive behaviors (overindulging, addictions, unhealthy lifestyles, etc.)
- Staying in careers or relationships that don’t serve us
- Not speaking up when we have something to say
I’m sure there are other ways but these are just the ones that pop off the top of my head. When we behave in this way we are telling ourselves, others, and the world that we don’t deserve more. We say “it’s ok, I’ll settle for a little less” or “I don’t want to make waves so, I’ll hide in the corner on the sale rack”.
While these examples may not have a direct, quantifiable financial impact like the examples Suze states in her book, I believe they have a huge impact on life quality and even on our financial health since our relationship with money, is after all, a relationship built on our own personal opinion of ourselves.
Where in your life have you been putting yourself on sale? What is one thing you can stop or start doing right now to start appreciating your own value?
wow, Paula, thanks for putting Suze’s idea about ‘putting ourselves on sale’ out there. i say so because we suffer much of this in the lesbian community. lesbian and rich – seems almost an oxymoron!!! 😉
suze’s thoughts do bump up against the anti-capitalism present in some sectors of the lesbian and/or feminist communities.
so what is your typical lesbian to do? i say each of us needs to feel free to do what is right for herself w/o outside pressure. entrepreneurial lesbians must not be ostracized for asking for what they are worth. we must learn how to bring in enough to not only survive, but to put something away for a rainy day!
let’s not forget that many entrepreneurial lesbians – paula and myself included – are growing sustainable businesses that provide great value to the lesbian community. each of us has a visionary plan for providing lesbian women with opportunities to find more enjoyment in their lives (yes, we’re worth it!), and create success on our own terms.
This discussion comes at a time that I have finally gotten to where I have literally demanded a pay scale increase after ten years at the company where I work. And I got it.
thank you for telling the straight truth. my philosophy is that i am a good hard worker and i deserve to be rewarded. i work for money and that should be the reward my employer gives me.
i have also been self employed and when i raised my prices my customers balked but i told them that they don’t work for nothing and neither do i nor my staff. i believed that i always gave my customers value for their dollar. who needs a customer that can not afford your services?