Beating bad money habits: are you a moderator or abstainer?
Does anyone have any bad money habits? Most people can list a few’¦
When we’re trying to modify bad behavior, is it better to abstain or moderate? We’ve all heard ‘œeverything in moderation’ is typically the best policy’¦ or is it?
Gretchen Rubin at The Happiness Project makes a great point about this over at her blog:
Often, we know we’d have more long-term happiness if we gave up something that gives us a rush of satisfaction in the short-term. That morning doughnut, that impulse purchase, staying up too late watching TV.
A piece of advice I often see is, ‘œBe moderate. Don’t have ice cream every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, you’ll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan.’
I’ve come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the ‘œmoderators.’ They do better when they try to make moderate changes, when they avoid absolutes and bright lines.
For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation ‘“ and failing. Then I read a line from Samuel Johnson: ‘œAbstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.’ Like Dr. Johnson, I’m an ‘œabstainer.’ I find it far easier to give something up altogether than to indulge moderately’¦
If moderators try to abstain, they feel trapped and rebellious. If abstainers try to be moderate, they spend a lot of time justifying why they should go ahead and indulge.
People can be surprisingly judgmental about which approach you take. As an abstainer, I often get disapproving comments like, ‘œIt’s not healthy to take such a severe approach’ or ‘œIt would be better to learn how to manage yourself’ or ‘œCan’t you let yourself have a little fun?’ On the other hand, I hear fellow abstainer-types saying to moderators, ‘œYou can’t keep cheating and expect to make progress’ or ‘œWhy don’t you just go cold turkey?’ But different approaches work for different people.
At Queercents, Andrea Cecile has been trying to modify her behavior in her Turning Spenders in Savers series. As someone who gets caught up in the emotional rush of the purchase, I doubt that abstinence will work for her when it comes to shopping. Moderation will likely be the key to her long term success.
On the other hand, there are ways she’s trying to strike a balance between spending and saving. Eliminating the use of credit cards is one thing she’s trying to add to the abstinence column. ‘œI know my personal transition from using credit/debit cards to cash helped guide me toward being a better saver. Sometimes, slower IS better.’
Or perhaps, just stopping the behavior altogether. What works for you? Are you a moderator or an abstainer when it comes to beating bad money habits? We’d love to hear your comments below.
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
I wouldn’t have a definitive answer for my money habits, but as a former smoker, I can attest to the moderation v. abstinence mindset. I tried quitting several times before I was finally successful. The first failed attempts were in the abstinence mindset. The idea of never having another cigarette again made them all the more desirable. Now I take a moderation approach – I can have a cigarette every once in a blue moon if I want one. But I don’t even want one anymore. I’m guessing if I were to apply the same logic to spending, it would be a moderation approach.
Serena: That’s a good comparison. I’m the opposite and haven’t really mastered the moderation part (specifically with food). For example: I can’t just add 1 French Vanilla creamer to my coffee, I feel compelled to add 5 and therefore it’s better for me to just remind myself that I take my coffee black.
With money though, I’ve never had the same compulsions and since I don’t really enjoy shopping (consuming), well, that’s an easy one to limit to the necessities. I suppose if I did struggle with overspending, then I would probably need to employ the abstinence method based on my overeating tendencies.
Very interesting question. I bet there are people who could use this viewpoint to become more successful in many areas of life, just by discovering whether moderation or abstinence works better for them.
For me, it seems different strategies work at different times. To kick a really bad habit, I need to abstain, at least for a limited time. With quitting spending and quitting animal products (veganism), I’ve been able to practice moderation after a period of abstaining. Now I can have the occasional splurge as long as it’s cash–not credit–and I won’t go nuts. Same with the occasional curry I know has a bit of shrimp paste. With smoking, that didn’t work once, so I’ve decided complete abstinence is probably the only way to stay quit. I’d still love to have a cigarette from time to time, but I’m afraid to in case it gets my habit going again.
Moderators and abstainers speak different languages and probably come from different planets. As a moderator, if I know I can have what I want at some point, then I can do without most of the time: if I thought I could never have it again I’d just have to binge!