Walter Smith blogs at DaddyHunt.com and speaks from experience when it comes to money and matrimony (or in his case the legal and financial ramifications of merging assets). These are his words’¦

In all the recent excitement around gay marriage, civil unions and domestic partner registration the last few years, some of us might have forgotten that these unions, while they can be sacred spiritually and emotionally, are at their core legal agreements and, as such, should not be entered into lightly.

In that vein, I offer you ‘œDomestic Partnership in California: A Cautionary Tale’¦‘

After 6 years of living apart in a joyful and exciting relationship, my partner and I decided to move in together and register as domestic partners in California in 2004.   Up ‘˜til then, I had always lived by the adage, ‘œif it aint broke, don’t fix it.’   But it seemed to us that it was the right time for us to take these next steps.

He had inherited a large sum of money.   I was at the beginning of a new career.   So we could save expenses by moving in together and I could focus on getting my career off the ground while he took a year’s sabbatical from work before deciding on his next steps.

For me, I admit, the domestic partnership was almost an afterthought.   We should be covered in case one of us ends up in the hospital, I thought (visitation rights!).   We would have legal protection under the law as a couple! Hooray for legal protection!

Was I naïve?   Yes.   Because my partner had a great big secret he wasn’t telling me and it got bigger and bigger until it destroyed our relationship earlier this year.

This cautionary tale is not about trusting the man you love or believing what he tells you, because, quite frankly I doubt I’d change any of the things I felt about him or the way I trusted him.   I loved him completely and with that love came my trust and respect.

No, the cautionary tale is this. When I spoke to lawyers about dissolving our domestic partnership, I learned the true legal implications of signing what seemed like a simple document in 2004.   (It was one page.)

California is a no-fault, community property state, which means everything I own (including retirement accounts funded before I met him, all my earnings during the time we were together and all my savings during the time we were together) are community property and he could (if he wanted) claim half of them.   Furthermore inheritance is not community property so all of his money remains his and his alone.   And since his one-year sabbatical turned into four years, he has no income or savings that would be considered community property.

Additionally, since I now have a full-time job and he still is not working he could ask for spousal support.

And then there are debts: any debts incurred by either of us during the time we were together are community debts and should he default on, say, a personal credit card, that credit card company could come after me for payment.

Now, I must confess that my ex has been fully cooperative and is waiving any rights to any of my money and has agreed to full legal disclosure of all debts, but legally, he doesn’t have to.

And that one page form we filled out four and a half years ago?   It’s now going to take pages and pages of legal forms, lawyers, legal fees and at least six months for the ‘œdivorce’ to become final.

So be smarter than I was. I’m not saying don’t get married or don’t register as domestic partners.   But educate yourself before you do anything.   Consider talking to a lawyer before you make any legal commitments. Do it together.   Make it part of the excitement around getting married or registering.

If you live in another state and got married in California (or Canada or Massachusetts’¦), you should see what legal implications there might be.   If your finances require it, you might want to consider a prenuptial agreement.

Despite my experience, I remain a romantic at heart and believe in the power of love, truth and commitment. But remember, you’re committing not just your heart and your spirit, but your financial self too.

Check out lambdalegal.org for more information.

More about Walter Smith
Walter Smith is a writer, editor and producer living in San Francisco.

Photo credit: daddyhunt.com.