Fending off the Consumer Economy: Expecting a Newborn Baby
‘œYou will always be your child’s favorite toy.’ ‘“ Vicki Lansky
I had a meltdown last weekend at Babies R Us. We were there doing research on the things needed come December. This is when our baby arrives. We’re adopting (in case you aren’t current with our two year fertility saga) and December is when the birthmother is due.
Friends, neighbors and family members have offered to host three separate baby showers. The sheer enthusiasm about our pending parenthood is quite sweet, but the concept of a baby registry is completely foreign to me. Hence, the trip to Babies R Us to get the lay of the land. And that land, my childless friends, is bizarre.
First of all, 90 percent of this world is composed of plastic (see Jennifer’s post on how to minimize the plastics found in the lives of our young children!). Second, it taps into the consumerist culture that personifies many Americans. Susan Gregory Thomas, the author of Buy, Buy Baby: How Consumer Culture Manipulates Parents and Harms Young Minds expressed some notable things in a Salon.com interview last year including:
Noam Chomsky said it best when he said the consumer economy takes our concerns, commodifies them and sells them back to us.
This pretty much sums up Babies R Us! New parents beware.
Before entering the store, we printed Mombian’s list of essential Baby Gear to keep us focused on the basics. It was an excellent guide. And as Susan Gregory Thomas emphasizes:
Life itself is very stimulating — children don’t need a lot of this extra stuff. Just being with your parents and getting to relax and hang out, or even just sort of sitting in the bouncy seat and watching your mom type on the keyboard as she does her work, or going to the market, or just taking a nap and cuddling, is all the stimulation a baby needs.
Ok, I get it! We need the bouncy seat, maybe the Baby Bjorn, a good stroller, a car seat, a Pack & Play (which can double as a bassinette in the first couple of months), and a crib. But most of the stuff located in the other forty aisles just taps into the fears of new parents.
We left without buying a thing. As I said, we were there doing research and once we were armed with a baseline on prices, we went home and I spent the rest of the afternoon doing searches on Craigslist. I’m certain some mothers would be horrified at the thought of buying anything second hand for their new baby’¦ but Jeanine and I are in total agreement that second hand is fine and preferred for things like nursery furniture.
So we made our first few purchases and I’m proud to say, a week later, we couldn’t be more pleased with our decision and the results. We bought a Pali crib from a nice family in Laguna Beach. The crib is Italian-made, aesthetically in line with the rest of our home furnishings, and was less than half the price if we had purchased it new. Total cost: $350 and this included a high quality mattress (which would have set us back another $100 at Babies R Us!). Of course, I first read up on the ins and outs of selecting a baby crib.
We then went to the consignment shop and bought an antique rocker for $150. Next on the list is a mahogany dresser that will act as the changing table. After all, does he really need furniture specially made with blue bunnies stenciled all over it!?
What do you think? About our consuming culture and raising consuming kids? About new vs. second hand? About marketing to young parents? About what is the right amount of money to be spending on preparations for a newborn? The philosophy behind the baby registry and baby showers? My new parent preparing mind wants to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
Hi Nina,
Welcome to the baby universe!
It sounds like you’re doing a good job of being cheap and green, and of avoiding the siren songs of Buy Buy Baby.
One suggestion: I found the Baby Bjorn to be a total waste; it seems designed for the flat-chested, and gave both me and my flat-chested partner terrible backaches. My daughter much preferred a sling, as did our backs!
Though we avoided buying all the plastic gizmos, we did find the Gymini Tiny Love play mat to be great fun for our daughter throughout her whole first year. It’s less plasticy and hideous than most, and you can opt out of the battery-powered lights & music component and still have a great play mat.
My other tip is after you pass the newborn stage, try bringing your baby along when you shop; you’ll see which toys he responds to, and which he ignores. And he’ll still be too little for the “Mom, I WANT it” drama.
Oh, I’m already nostalgic for those days of trolling the aisles of the baby stores, trying to figure out what she would actually need (which was very little, as it turned out).
Congrats!
What you need:
Diapers, burp cloths, warm baby clothes.
One very good sling that you enjoy. The Baby Bjorn is inappropriate and dangerous at certain ages depending on the baby’s neck control. Get a ring sling from Maya Wrap or Zola wear or a Karma baby sling.
A Yoga ball (forget the rocker – babies love to be lightly bounced and you can roll back and forth on it for a rocking motion as well).
We’ve literally never used our pack n’ play. We have one because we inherited it and guests have used it for their babies but we’ve never used it. Our babies sleep with us so we don’t need a crib either. If you’re having a home visit for the adoption, you have to have someplace the baby sleeps but that can be a bassinet or a borrowed crib.
A few baskets for the dishwasher to hold the nipples. A drying rack (if you want and have space).
A good digital camera and video camera so you can blog the heck out of your bundle of joy.
What you don’t need:
900 cute outfits for every day.
A diaper genie.
Most everything else.
Oh Nina! I am so excited for you and so proud of you for not buying into the frilly plastic crap and going second hand too!!! I’m planning to get pregnant next year but we can’t seem to sell our teeny tiny house in this market. We may be raising the baby completely without a crib or bouncy and possibly with us in a double bed- We just can’t fit anything else in here!
Nearly everything I had when my son was a baby was second-hand, either bought at yard-sales or hand-me-downs from friends. Some of the nicest newborn items I had were actually borrowed from friends who weren’t quite ready to give the items away, in case they had baby #2 or #3 of their own, but they were perfectly happy to lend me the bouncy seat and bassinet and pram-style stroller for the few short months a newborn actually uses these.
Because my son was born unexpectedly nearly 2 months early, I hadn’t acquired much more than the basic items on your short list by the time he was born. I never did reach the stage of strolling through Babies R Us to get whatever accessories they think new parents should buy or put on a registry. And interestingly enough, I never really felt I was lacking anything.
Feed them, change them, love them; babies’ needs are profoundly basic!
I wandered into a Babies R Us once, and it scared the ever-livin’ daylights out of me.
I’ve been to too many 1-year-old kid parties where the kid takes the totally awesome electronic-pastic-whiz-bang toy, tosses it across the room, and spends the rest of the afternoon amusing themselves with the box.
I recently met my 2 month old goddaughter, and gave her a giant stuffed pillbug. What her ‘rents don’t know is that the pillbug is secondhand.
And finally: Mazel Tov! May your joy be unfettered and unending!
But it seems that Babies R Us provided you some value – since you used it as a point of reference to guide your Graig’s List purchases? Also, I wonder if Craig’s List will reach out to you if your second or third hand items are ever recalled?
Jennifer: Thanks for the kind words and yes, I’m doing my best to avoid the lull of Buy, Buy Baby! Funny, but I have a couple of friends that swear by the Baby Bjorn. Jeanine and I worked on our baby registry last night and it was hard to make our selections after we started reading the user reviews. I think we pretty much figured out that every baby is different. So yes, our baby might love the Baby Bjorn and my back might hate it or vice versa. Uggh…
Debra: Okay, okay… so everyone here hates the Baby Bjorn. Thanks for point out a few alternatives. I’ll definitely check them out. And I like the yoga ball idea too. Although, we already have the rocker… but it looks cute in the baby’s room!
Moorea: Thanks for the warm wishes! You’ve become my second hand role model and inspiration.
S: “Feed them, change them, love them; babies’ needs are profoundly basic!” I love that and will make this my mommy mantra!
Mary Sue: We think alike! Thanks for confirming that I’m not crazy for feeling crazy at Babies R Us.
Dave: Good point about the recall issue… but you sound like a plant from R Us corporate? I’m fine going second hand for certain things…
oneofhismoms has a great baby wearing run down.
but as others here have said, avoid the bjorn. though it’s straightforward to use (my parents love it for that reason) it kills your back. our baby hates the ring sling. for now, the moby wrap seems to be working best for us.
absolutely agree with getting second hand stuff. babies grow out of things so quickly, and like or dislike their gear in very individual and idiosyncratic ways. that chomsky quote is great, and dead on.
Nina,
First of all, congratulations!! You are in for a wonderful, crazy, completely unique time.
As to your topic, I have a one-year-old and I share your confusion and revulsion with the baby-industrial complex. It’s the same consumerism that drives much of American mass culture, but with babies there are so many more fears and hopes that are exploited by marketing.
My partner & I read some of the baby lit. like Parents magazine because there is some good content, but as for the consumption-oriented “lifestyle” stuff, we just try to laugh at it. It’s like “women’s magazines”. I just view it as not part of the reality I choose to live in.
Find the other parents in your neighborhood — they are a great resource. My neighborhood has a Yahoo group for parents, and free stuff is being given away there all the time.
a few other thoughts:
— re. Dave’s comment, is the store really going to “reach out” to you if there is a recall? If you fill out the registration forms then the manufacturer might notify you. But the store? We got 2nd-hand car seats (from friends, so we knew they had not been in a crash) and just checked the model/serial numbers on the govt. site to make sure they were ok.
— We didn’t get a baby monitor because we had the cradle in our bedroom, and now the crib is next to our bedroom. (one benefit of a small apartment)
— If you stay in hotels when you travel, you can usually get a pack-and-play in the room instead of bringing your own.
–For carrying the baby, you might want to wait until you have him/her home, then try out different carriers that you borrow from friends, and get something you, your partner, and the baby all like.
Practical things to put on the registry (don’t worry about requesting cutesy things, you will get them as well!)
–boxes of diapers (not too many newborn-sized; they grow out of them quickly), wipes, formula. It sounds prosaic, but that is where you will spend the most money.
–Soft drool bibs, and plain cloth diapers (cheaper than the official “burp rags”)
–Sleep-sacks are great for bedtime. Definitely do *not* get the crib bedding sets. You need a thin, waterproof matress pad and a bottom sheet. No bumpers, blankets, pillows, etc.
Regarding Dave’s comment about recalls: from what I’ve seen, most children’s product recalls happen within the first couple years a product is on the market. Personally, I would feel safer buying an item 3 or 4 years old (after checking on the manufacturer’s website whether it’s ever been recalled ) than buying a new item which hasn’t been market-tested long enough for recall-worthy problems to appear. Also, Consumer Reports publishes a list of product recalls every month. Buying one big-ticket item (like a crib) used rather than new would save you enough to subscribe to Consumer Reports for a decade, and you get all of CR’s other financial and product guidance as well.
Some manufacturers also allow you to register an item on their site, so they would notify you directly of recalls, regardless of whether you purchased the item new or used.
Sn: Thanks for that link to the baby wearing post. Great reviews and now of course, I’m rethinking the Baby Bjorn.
Theresa: Ahh… I can already tell it’s going to be “a wonderful, crazy, completely unique time” and the baby is still a few months his arrival. Those are wonderful tips you’ve listed. I’m sure I’ll be referring back to them!
S: Thanks for the rebuttal to Dave’s comment. Your points make perfect sense and the crib is definitely more than three years old. The family we purchased from used it for both their kids and they looked to be about four and two. And now, as you suggest, I can subscribe to Consumer Reports for a decade!
I am childfree but try to be a good friend to those near and dear to me who have chosen to become parents. My standard baby shower gift is a mammoth pack of diapers and/or wipes–the Sam’s Club size. My parent friends all assure me that this is a terrific gift b/c those are 2 things that every parent needs–and in massive quantities! Thanks for yet again making me feel good about these choices, and congrats on your impending parenthood!
Nina, I think that The Right Start (with a location on Newport Blvd convieniently near you…)has a number of slings that they will let you try with the baby…
As a mom of two, my humble opinion is that you need very little of the Babies ‘R Us gear. Too much clutter, too much plastic, too much garbage. My advice would be to pick up what you need AS you need it as opposed to stock-piling everything you MIGHT need in advance. Craigslist rocks. Milk it. Recycling/reusing baby gear is the way to go indeed. Most of the gear only gets used for a month or two anyway. And, beyond diapers, every baby is so different as to what they like that a lot of second-hand gear is essentially unused. All parents end up learning as you go.
As for registering, my vote is to register for cord blood banking. Hopefully, there’s never a need for the blood, but storing it is a form of health insurance and you only get one chance.
We initially thought cord blood banking was out of our price range, but we set up a gift registry at CBR and let our family and friends help defray the expense by contributing. Also used the $250 coupon from
Since you have so much support from family and friends (3 showers! wow!), it might be relatively easy to make this gift possible for your little one.
Best wishes.