How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift?
‘œSomething old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.’ ‘“ Old English Rhyme
‘Tis the season for weddings’¦ especially if you live in California and know a lot of gays and lesbians. Until the court’s decision came into effect on June 17th, I hadn’t been invited to a wedding in years. Of course, I’ve accompanied Jeanine to a few, but she’s from a sprawling Italian family and you need a chart (and there are charts!) to actually figure out how she’s related to that fourth cousin once removed.
But I haven’t been invited to a wedding of the friend-variety in years. Literally, I think it’s been a decade. I suspect it’s a product of age. I’m forty-one and most of my straight friends got married off years ago’¦ in their late twenties or early thirties.
Point being, I’m a bit rusty with the social graces of nuptial gift giving. But with the legalization of same-sex marriage in California, it’s time to brush up’¦ starting with how much is the right amount to spend on a wedding gift. I did some Web research and SmartMoney magazine tipped me off on the smart amount:
Some say it should reflect the estimated cost that the couple spends on your behalf for the reception meal. Of course, if you’re shipping the gift ahead of time, this can be tricky. Calling the bride and asking whether chicken Marsala or prime rib will be served can be awkward.
The Knot recommends spending between $100 and $150 for weddings in New York and other big cities, and $75 to $100 nationwide. But those are just basic guidelines. Your budget should ultimately be a personal decision, based on how close you are to the couple and how much you can afford to spend.
Hmm, that still seems too subjective. For example, what happens if I need to spend money on transportation and lodging to attend the wedding? According to Craig Smith of Gay Celebrations, the hot destination-wedding is the Four Season Biltmore in Montecito and I know those charming cottages will set you back $800 a night (not to mention, there’s a two night minimum). I’m sure the grooms will negotiate better rates for their guests, but still should I factor in this expense when it comes to how much I spend on the gift?
And then there’s the topic of the gift registry! I won’t ramble off on that tangent, but instead point you to this most excellent post with some ideas about how the marrying types can make sure guests feel like they are more than ATMs.
So how about your thoughts? What’s the right price to spend on a wedding gift? Feel free to comment below. No gift-wrap required.
I think it depends entirely on how much you’re making and how well you know the person. Really…how much do you want to give?
I wasn’t surprised that my friends who were just out of college mostly gave token or smaller gifts, whereas Micah’s friends who were 5 years out.
I don’t think there should be a number, since everyone’s circumstances are so different and the nuances of relationships are so difference. A gift is expected more as a practical and symbolic way of helping out the new couple as they begin their life together (or that’s what it should be). Whatever a person thinks is the proper expression of that is probably correct.
I try to guesstimate cost of food/bar, cover that and add in a little more, per person going. Many weddings I attended have been paid for by the couple, not the parents, so they don’t need to be entertaining me on their dime. And, I always either buy a gift off registry or give $. Some may think it’s tacky, but one person’s fabulous is frequently another’s yard sale.
The main thing is to reflect the couple in the gift given, if it is a gift rather than cash.
We usually opt to give something we’ve made- my partner does awesome crossstitching and I am a quilter. She will do a nice crossstitched piece for the couple and tries to carefully choose colors, themes that go with their decor. Or I will make a nice thick quilt for them.
There have been more than one instance where more quilts were requested later by the couple- as they tend to be used often in front of the tv at night in our cold CNY winters. I’m always happy to give knowing its something wanted- so I’ll gift it for the next Xmas or birthday.
Mrs. Micah: The problem though is what I think is proper might not be considered proper enough by the couple. That’s why I was looking for a rule or guideline. Kind of like those tipping calculation charts that people used to carry around.
Chicago Rob: We think alike!
DivaJean: Hmmm, what do I need to do to get one of your quilts?
Here’s an anecdote for you. This last weekend, I went to my niece’s wedding. It was an 8-hour drive (I carpooled with someone else), two nights lodging, and a $100 gift card at the store the couple was registered at. Roughly $350 expense. Would you believe, near the end of the scheduled reception (in a hotel), the groom collected a fist of cash from many/all men (“Gary, I need money”) in order to extend the party an hour.
Uh, can I have that gift card back?