How to Go Shopping with Kids… Without Blowing Your Budget (or Losing Your Mind)
What parent hasn’t given in to that plea, when you know a tantrum will follow if you say no?
Shopping with kids can be challenging. They’re bombarded with materialistic messages; they aren’t developmentally capable of understanding the concept of delayed gratification; and they want, need, have to have the latest toy craze, bubblegum flavor, or tchochke by the checkout counter. Marketers are smart’”they know kids are easy targets, and direct their advertising bucks toward little grabby, grubby hands. It’s enough to make any parent throw up her hands and open up her wallet.
But I believe that every time we go to the store, we’re modeling the values about money, materialism, thrift, and value that we want our children to absorb. So here are some tips that will help you resist even the whiniest whines.
1. Make a list before you go to the store’”and get your kids to help you.
Kids love to feel included; if they help you make the shopping list, they’ll feel part of the enterprise. You can also better negotiate their needs (‘œNo, we’re not going to buy a Barbie today; she’s too expensive’) in the calm, controlled environment of your home than in the public chaos of a store.
Kids can also participate by helping to find the items on the list. Don’t cave; really stick to that list. Once they get used to it, they’ll know that if it’s not on the list, it’s not going in the shopping cart.
2. Make a slush fund for every shopping trip.
This might seem in direct contradiction to item #1, but if you allocate a small amount of what my grandmother calls ‘˜mad money””money that they can spend on anything they want—it will give them an outlet for their desire to buy everything and anything. The slush fund can be stretched or shrunk to fit any budget; it can be as little as a penny.
But stick to your guns: if you say it’s a penny, don’t let your kids wheedle a nickel out of you. See, even the slush fund is a teaching tool: splurges have budgets, too.
3. Bring (healthy) snacks.
Often, when kids get really demanding and needy, what’s really happening is that their blood sugar is low. A healthy but tasty snack (peanut butter and apples, crackers, nuts, etc.) serves two purposes: it will raise their blood sugar and stabilize their mood (nature’s Prozac!), while distracting them from Barbie/bubblegum/whatever they’re demanding.
Don’t use the snacks as bribes; simply present them. This will also keep you from wasting money on junky store-bought snack foods.
4. Let no mean no.
I know it’s hard. It’s embarrassing when your kid is having a meltdown in Aisle 4 because you won’t buy him a lollipop, just one lollipop. But you don’t want to let your child manipulate you with his acting out. Try to distract him, but don’t cave. If you give in this time, next time, he REALLY won’t let up.
5. Don’t make shopping be the center of your day’”or theirs.
Shopping is part of life; we all need to buy stuff, and children often find the carnivalesque atmosphere of stores exciting. The colors! The stuff! The people! There’s nothing wrong with having an enjoyable shopping trip with your kids.
However, don’t make it the main event. Take your kid to parks, museums, play dates, nature centers, sports and performance events (many are free). This will encourage your child to find pleasure in diverse, active experiences. You don’t want consumerism to be their main hobby! Use a trip to the park as a motivator and distractor when you’re in the store: ‘œNo, Susie, we’re not going to buy that Barbie, but we ARE going to visit the ducks after we finish shopping!’
What other tricks do you have for making shopping with kids more manageable?
Jennifer: Since I’m not a “shopper” Jeanine uses a variation of number 3 on me: bring healthy snacks! She tends to bribe me with food if she wants me to spend a few hours with her at the mall on a Saturday afternoon. Yes, food definitely stabilizes one’s mood. I’m sure it works magic on children.
This is a useful post with some great tips for shopping parents! Thanks.
Thanks, Nina!
The old ‘bribe ’em with food’ trick works on all ages, I think…
When I was about 16 years old, I realised why my younger sister seemed to always be getting things she asked for at the grocery store when things I asked for were shot down instantly: she asked one parent, got a ‘no’, then asked the other parent, who would often slip the item into the cart.
I am ashamed to say I exploited this trait for several years after I learned about it.
Now, as I work a second job as a cashier, I see this going on a lot with parents in my line. Once, after a furiously whispered argument and the item wound up on my belt anyway, I asked the parent if they were certain they wanted the item.
The parent went red in the face. “Not really…”
“I can make it disappear,” I confided.
The parent shot a glance at the kid, distracted by something or other with the other parent, and nodded. I quickly put the item in the go-backs bin. “I’m sorry about that,” the embarrassed parent said. “I didn’t want to just leave it out there.”
“No need to be embarrassed,” I reassured the parent, and had to repeat that several times.
Folks, there is NO SHAME in saying you don’t want something, even at the checkout lane. As a matter of fact, it’s preferrable to just leaving stuff in odd places around the store!
One of my tricks is not to make spending money be the main part of shopping. Supermarkets can be great places to teach colors, numbers, and letters. I agree that over the course of a week, shopping shouldn’t be the main event, but on some days, it is. We can at least deflect the consumerism with some learning games.
And re: making a shopping list: I sometimes make a list with pictures and words so my son (who is just starting to read) can help find things. It’s like shopping bingo.
Great suggestions, Mary Sue and Dana!
I think my mom used the ‘just slip it out of the shopping cart’ trick on me!!!
And I LOVE the idea of using the supermarket to teach colors, numbers, and letters,
and using pictures and words for ‘shopping bingo’. Brilliant!