Not that kind of cruising… but I’m glad I got your attention! Cruising as a vacation is one of the more frugal ways to get away… provided you pay attention to how things are run on cruise ships!

I just got back from a 7 day cruise on the Carnival Triumph sailing from Miami with stops in Ocho Rios Jamaica, Georgetown Grand Caymans, and Cozumel Mexico.

I’ve been on 3 cruises, all on Carnival Cruise Lines and enjoyed myself every time… at least based on what “I” thought a cruise should be about… meaning laying about reading, being entertained, and getting my fill of good food.

As an aside, Carnival Corporation, based in Miami, gets high marks for catering to GLBT folk and for coming out in OPPOSITION to Amendment 2 saying it would be unfair to both their employees and guests AND gave money to help fight it. Other cruise lines were against it too but none to my knowledge quite as vocal as Carnival.

On board ship in the Daily “Carnival Capers” that is left in your room you will find usually a notation on where the “Friends of Dorothy” can meet… seems to be the Wine Bar on board that is usually just outside the Disco. On my trip it was 10:00PM every night.

The “Carnival Fun Ships” as they are called are the budget (c’mon… you really had to ask???) side of the company. Carnival Corp owns 7 cruise lines that run the gamut of price ranges from Inexpensive (Carnival Fun Ships) to Ultra High End (Seabourne).

If you have sailed on any of the following you have sailed on Carnival:

  • Carnival
  • Holland America
  • Princess Cruise Lines
  • Costa (Italian Line in Europe)
  • Cunard (Yes, they own the Queen Mary)
  • Windstar
  • Seabourne

So how is this frugal you ask??

Well, let’s start with the cost. For the cost of your cruise you get a nice stateroom, all the food you can eat with room service included, and entertainment galore.

What you DON’T get is Free Alcohol unless you are attending the Captains Reception, Past Cruisers Reception, or the free Champagne they provide at the Art Auctions to try and get you to part with your money.

Nor is the casino or the shops free and shore excursions are a hit-or-miss IMO as to the price they charge.

There are all sorts of little things that EVERY cruise line uses to try and increase the amount you spend… I’ll take my recent trip and give you an accounting (rounded dollars) along with some tips.

$499 = Base Price of 7 Day Western Caribbean and Mexico… always book several months in advance unless you can go on the drop of a sequin… sometimes some spectacular deals show up when they have had major cancellations (it happens!). If you can sail on sometimes less than a week’s notice you can go super cheap.

$129 = Trip Insurance… may seem unnecessary but it also includes a very good medical portion that will pay for hospitalization and up to $30,000 to get you home on a MedEvac flight if by some chance it’s needed. And since most US based Health Insurance is not valid outside the country I erred on the side of caution.

$130 = Single Supplement… yes I may be a cheapskate but I like a stateroom to myself so I shelled out for the privilege of same… besides I’m told I snore and on a vacation… you never know…

$63 = Fuel Surcharge… can’t get away from it from anyone nowadays.

$76 = Port Charges and Taxes.

Grand Total = $897.

Now the Nickel and Diming…

Three of us drove from Orlando to Miami.

$45 = Round trip Gas
$25 = Round trip Tolls on the Florida Turnpike
$140 = Yes you read it right $140 to park the car in the Port of Miami garage for a week… $20 a day. This is the rip-off.

Grand Total = $210… my share = $70.

NOTE: When you check in you will be asked for a Credit Card or Cash Deposit… this is tied in to your “Sail and Sign Card” which on Carnival is your Stateroom Key, On-Board Charge Card, and Pass On and Off Ship in Port. It also goes into a slot on any of the machines in the casino so you have NO idea what you’ve spent until the itemized bill is put under your door about 6 hours before you dock at the home port. And since you don’t recognize it as a “Credit Card” you can overspend drastically if you’re not careful… and since its your Room Key you ALWAYS have it on you.

Once you get on the ship the first thing you need to do is buy a “Fun Ship Fountain Card”. This lets you have all the soda you want on board just by flashing the card. Coffee, Tea, Lemonade, Orange Juice, Fruit Punch are all Free in the buffet Restaurant… Carbonated drinks are not. And DO NOT touch the drinks left in your room unless you want to pay for them. They are NOT included on the Fountain Card.

$47 = 7 day Fountain Card

$70 = Gratuity for ships staff automatically added to your card ($10 per day) they tell you about it up front and also how it is divided and you have the option of increasing, decreasing the amount or changing the percentages but the $10 per day is an automatic charge.

So…

Cruise $897 + Travel Expense $70 + Fountain Card $47 + Gratuity $70 = $1084 for 7 days… $155   a day for Accommodations, Food, and Entertainment… not Bad, less than the cost of a single day in any Disney Resort just for the Room alone… but not everything I’m afraid.

It’s the extras that usually blow a person’s vacation budget so… “How Do You Cope With Or Minimize The Extras??”

Alcohol… let’s just say from my first cruise I was “told” that a crew sock, a large Zip Lock freezer bag and all rolled up into a suit jacket in the middle of the suitcase (Checked Baggage Only) is a wonderful way to protect breakables… at least others have told me it works.

I did buy a bottle of wine on the first night for myself and the 7 others at my table in the Paris dining room… the main formal dining room on the Triumph.

$23 = Bottle of Wine.

Stuff for Sale on the Ship… I have generally NO use for any of the things they sell on the ship… Jewelry, Watches, Perfume, Duty Free Liquour, the Art Auctions… so no money spent here. Nor do I go in for the temporary tattoos, the Spa massages, the “Drink Of The Day” mug, Specialty Cafes on board where they charge extra for coffees and chocolates, the wine bar, etc.

Shore Excursions… I really haven’t found any I cared for so I didn’t go on any… I prefer to get off the ship and wander around on my own looking at the city… though Carnival has gobs of them… most under $100 per person. There is one advantage to the ship sponsored shore excursions though… the ship will NOT leave port until all of them have returned since they sponsored them if they left you behind they are responsible for getting you home… on this cruise one of them was over an hour late so the ship was an hour late leaving Cozumel.

It was fun watching them run down the pier from my seat in the South Beach Club Restaurant on the 9th deck of the ship… the Cozumel Marathon it was named that night.

The only thing I spent money on was in Ocho Rios Jamaica on a Harley Davidson Shirt at the Harley Dealer for my brother for Christmas… it’s a real Hoot… the Harley dealer in Jamaica with three locations selling everything BUT Motorcycles… they’re not legal in Jamaica… motorcycles can’t be over 600cc and no Harley is that small.

$32 = Shirt

In Cozumel I took a taxi to downtown to mail some postcards and took a Donkey Cart back to the ship… a nice pleasant ride that let me take some nice photos and have about a 35 minute conversation with the driver.

$7 = Taxi to Downtown Cozumel
$5 = Postcards and Postage
$30 = Donkey Cart back the Seven Miles from Downtown.

In reality one doesn’t need get off the ship in any of the ports of call.   First, you are not in port very long, usually 8-12 hours and you are limited as to how far you can get from the ship. Second, I’ve found that all the shops that are close to the pier and are “recommended” are all the same from port to port… one Jewelry store has a shop on the ship and on every Island in the Caribbean… gimme a break! And all the same merchandise is available in EVERY port. So it’s the walking and looking at the city that is more fun for me. And photos are better souvenirs.

Photos… Carnival has professional photographers everywhere on ship taking pictures of you and you can’t get on or off the ship without getting one taken with someone dressed as a local.   They make a killing in the photo gallery and they can develop your pictures on board overnight… Pricey but not for me… Memory card to Sam’s Club this week for my own photos… $0 spent on photos on ship.

Extra Gratuities upon leaving the ship.

Housekeeping is amazing on Carnival… they call you by name usually by the second day, keep the Ice Bucket in your room full. I never did find where the Ice Machine was, and if I left my room for more than 20 minutes I would come back to everything spiffed up and any used towels replaced and the bed fluffed.

$50 = Extra to the 3 Housekeeping staff.

Formal Dining room.   The Paris is the one I dined in at night. The wait staff was very attentive and knew us by name by the second night. You get anything you want off the menus and in whatever multiples you want as well… say 3 Shrimp Cocktails and BOTH the Chateaubriand and Prime Rib… no questions, no extra charge.

$20 = Extra Slipped to the Waiter

Head Waiter “Mr. V your Maitre D”who did a remarkable Go-Go Boy dance on one of the tables during a quick break for entertainment by the dining room staff for us.

$20 = For the Maitre D.

So now for a Grand Total.

$1084 = Base Cruise
$23 = Bottle of Wine
$32 = Shirt in Ocho Rios
$7 = Taxi in Cozumel
$5 = Postcards and Postage
$30 = Donkey Cart Ride
$90 = Additional Gratuities

$1271 or approximately $181 a day… still less than the cost of just a room at any 3 star or better hotel… especially after you add taxes, gratuities, etc.

As you can see though the “Extras” have added just a little   more than 1 1/2 times the actual “price” of the cruise to the cost… remember the cruise was “only” $499.

Of the $772 extra I spent $493 was discretionary… the Insurance, single supplement, wine, shirt, taxi, postcards, donkey cart, extra gratuities… If I wanted to be REALLY cheap I could have forgone them and reduced the Grand Total to a meager $778… barely over $110 a day… but even us cheapsters need to splurge a little bit!

As you can see as long as you “Control Your Spending” a Cruise is one of the Cheapest Vacations you can take. Mine: $181 a day and I had a wonderful time.

Do you have to buy a lot of souvenirs at the ports of call? No!

The memories and photos are the important things and you can also keep a journal about what you did and what you saw and your impressions. Photos and the written word will bring back all the memories as you relate them to your friends in years to come.

Cruising Tips:
You MUST have a Passport if you don’t have one you should get one anyway.

Call your Credit Card companies and ask them if they charge a fee for overseas transactions… some charge as much as 5% on top of the charge. Pick two cards that don’t have them and let them know that you will be out of the country between this date and that date and what countries you will be visiting. This will ensure (hopefully) that the automated fraud systems don’t freeze your card because a charge authorization request comes in from overseas that does not fit your normal spending profile.   It would not be any fun making expensive long distance calls to get your card freed up so you can buy Aunt Lilly that tchochke you saw in Cozumel.

Go to the Web and look up www.cruisecritic.com and look up your ship. They also have a section for Gay and Lesbian Travelers and a unique (though hit or miss because it depends on people finding the site and adding their name) thing called the “Roll Call” where you can put in your name as being on such and such a ship sailing on this date so you can meet up with other GLBT folk.

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF BRINGING AN ACTIVE CELL PHONE OR WIFI ENABLED COMPUTER ON BOARD THE SHIP. It is $6.99 per minute for phone calls and $9.99 a minute for the satellite uplinks and they are billed to your provider so you don’t see them until you get the phone/ISP bill. The cell phone is automatic… if Mom calls you while you’re in the Gulf of Mexico and your phone is turned on… WHAM! Right in the Pocketbook.

Pick a cruise line that fits your style. Carnival has two Dress Nights for the Formal Dining Rooms… if you want to dress up every night think Holland or Cunard.

For lots of activities… Carnival… they have kids and young adults on board but not in massive numbers like Disney Cruise lines so they have lots of activities late into the night but you can still go to sections of the ship… including at least one pool… that is Adults Only…and they have Adult Only Entertainment as well.

For Best Value… Carnival. If money is no object short of a private yacht… Seabourne.

Always take the Late Seating at dinner… most parents with kids are at the early seating so if you want to eat without kids in attendance pick the late seating… second show in the lounge is always better too… IMO. You also don’t have a delay between the first show and the midnight show to deal with.

So what about you? What has been your experience with cruising?

Photo credit: stock.xchng.