As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So at Queercents, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our favorite money columnists were gay? Would their advice be more relevant to our lives?

We think the answer is yes! And as such, this is our weekly series called In Search of Gay Money where we reprint their advice by swapping out pronouns and a few other words to make it seem like everyone is queer!

Partners gone wild! Why solo play is okay

By Jean Chatzky and Queercents

Sharon Green, loving partner and mother, had reached her breaking point. She was fed up with shuttling kids around, the cold weather, the clutter of the business that she runs from home, the suffocating sameness of the suburbs.

So she made plans to get out of Dodge for a few days — and onto the Vegas Strip. She booked a $595 plane ticket, two nights at the Venetian and restaurant reservations. Then Green kissed her partner good-bye.

That’s right. This was no romantic getaway but, rather, a weekend with her friends.

‘œIt was fantastic,’ says Green, 42, who lives in my town outside New York City. ‘œWe ate. We walked around. We talked and talked and talked. And, of course, we talked about them’ (the partners in their lives).

Did her partner mind? Not a bit. A few months earlier she and two friends had spent a few days golfing in Wisconsin.

Think of the Green’s travel habits as a kind of parallel play: partnered couples deciding that, once in a while, it’s okay to have hobbies and take trips separately.

But while many relationship experts encourage independent activity, it invariably raises financial questions, among others. When one partner spends money on a weekend in Vegas, basketball tickets or a dinner with friends, does the other get an equivalent splurge?

More partners are maintaining separate bank accounts, and I believe one reason is to make parallel play easier. It’s all intriguing, but for partners the financial awkwardness can be tougher to overcome than any initial feelings of doubt about traveling solo.

Reassure each other: This is okay.

At first, parallel play can seem weird, particularly the part about separate bank accounts. Doesn’t that threaten the ‘œequal partners’ notion of a relationship?

It doesn’t have to. The trick is to talk about what a separation in finances and activities means — namely, that it’s a way to keep a relationship fresh while indulging an interest your partner might not share.

Remind each other that taking a trip with friends or having a solo hobby is ‘œnot about philandering but about coming back rejuvenated to our partners, our work and our kids,’ says Marybeth Bond, who runs Gutsytraveler.com, a travel site designed specifically for women.

Strike a balance.

You may agree that an annual circuit party weekend with the guys is fine; it doesn’t eat up too much time or money. Just be sure to leave money in the budget for joint vacations too.

Open separate accounts.

Ruth Hayden, a Minneapolis financial consultant who teaches money courses for partners, believes all couples should maintain separate checking accounts. (For the record, I agree.)

‘œI need to have the ability to pick up a cup of coffee without it impacting you,’ she says. ‘œYou need to have the ability to pick up a cup of coffee without it impacting me.’

There are two tactical ways to approach the separate-accounts method, Hayden notes. The first is for you and your partner to have your paychecks deposited directly into a joint account, then move a prenegotiated sum into each of your individual accounts. The second is to have your paychecks deposited into the individual accounts, then move a percentage into the joint pool. Either one works, but considering that covering your monthly nut — mortgage, groceries and so forth — is more important than martini night, the former might be easier to manage.

As for the negotiated sum, the amounts don’t necessarily have to be equal. Things can get difficult when one partner’s wants are more expensive. If one of you prefers to rough it while the other likes five-star spas, you might agree that a 60-40 split is okay.

‘œThe key is to think about the trade-offs,’ says Hayden. ‘œWhat is it going to take not only to keep each of you happy individually but to make for a happy relationship?’

Negotiate inequities.

Neither banking system addresses the fact that very few partners earn equal paychecks. Frankly, that shouldn’t matter. If one partner is the sole or majority earner, does that mean they should be able to dine on steak and caviar with the gang while the other orders takeout with a friend? Of course not.