I recently went through a big gay divorce, which makes for lots of great posts about finances, but hasn’t made for much emotional motivation to write about them. I’ve been healing very well, though and learning plenty of lessons on single life in the thirties with a career – and it’s quite different from the last time around. One of the chief differences is how damn fast the money goes.

I carefully planned a budget for my new life. I was meticulous. I factored in everything even money for a cab I might take home one night when a few drinks convince me that waiting for the bus or train in the cold is ridiculous. So I rented an apartment in my price range and assumed I’d feel like I had more money that I did as part of a pair. After all, I had a career and my ex had been a student. Sure, her student loans helped grease the tight areas of our budget, but I was eliminating all the plus-one costs. The last time I was single I was in graduate school and working at Starbucks and living in a cheap studio apartment. I was sure that with a career and without a graduate student that my post-divorce life would feel positively worry-free.

So I acted like it was. I met friends for drinks and ordered bottles of wine. I met friends for dinner. I ordered in Thai because I was just too low and too busy adjusting to my new schedule without shared responsibilities to go to the grocery store or cook. And the end of the month came too early. Every month.

The security deposit for my new place and outfitting it set me back. I went from zero credit debt to… well… let’s just say that’s my little secret. Yodlee helped me figure out that I spent over $300 on eating out, drinks out, buying lunch at work in one month. It was fun, but the stress was not fun at all. So last month I decided I wouldn’t eat out at all. And I didn’t. I bought a sandwich or a latte when I was out of town visiting my sister, but my total dropped by almost $300 in a month. I wish I could report that I ended the month with cash in my checking account that I could lavishly spend as a reward for my prudence, but that didn’t happen. The difference that I could be proud of, though, is the fact that I was finally able to contribute to my savings for the first time since the divorce. I was proud of that, even if the end of the month still came just a bit early.

This has been a long post because it’s been a long time since I reported. There is plenty more where this came from. A new life makes for all kinds of financial situations and decisions and I’ll be sharing all of them in detail – and I can say that there are a few tricks up my sleeve.

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Martinique Miller writes a personal finance blog with her two sisters, called Thrifty Sisters where they share their struggles and success with finances. She also writes the Lesbian Relationships column for The Chicago Examiner.

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