Mommyhood is currency in the straight world.
At Queercents, we have discussed how muscle is currency for gay men, how thin is currency for women (although issues around body image are catching up with men), and how an advanced degree is social currency for anyone that schleps their way through grad school. But here’s a new one: there’s currency in being a mommy.
I’ve recently noticed that whenever I’m out walking Sam in his stroller, children always look at me and say hello. I would often run or walk the same route and went unnoticed before his arrival. My closest mommy friend said that I’m now considered ‘œsafe adult’ in the eyes of children. I know it’s a strange observation, but all it took was a babe at my side. My friend indicated this is just another perk of the mommy club:
I swear you get grace for things like bad parking jobs, returns without a receipt’¦ you are a frazzled and overworked mommy’¦ you can’t be held accountable to normal standards (when it suits you’¦).
Fantastic! I like that’¦ someone to blame for my shortcomings, a diversion from my personal flaws, someone to always go fetch’¦ those are other perks of mommyhood, thanks to a quick google search. Or how about this one: the weird bond you now share with total strangers because they get ‘œit.’ They’ve been up all night. Their favorite shirt has been ruined by ever present spit up. And as one new mother wrote, ‘œThey’ve seen their baby smile at them and know nothing else in the entire universe can even begin to compare with that.’
Yes, I’m spending my mommy currency just fine! And that’s just the story close to home. Work has its own perks. But not in a ‘œhow many concessions people with kids get vs. people without kids’ way as Penelope Trunk wrote in her Take Your Child to Work Day should be cancelled post.
Jeanine and I haven’t missed a beat with work since Sam arrived in December. No maternity leave since we adopted and that family leave-thingy’¦ would you take family leave in this economy? Nothing about my work life has changed. As usual, I spent a week in Europe and another one in China since his arrival four short months ago; and while those weeks away made me feel a bit more like traditional daddy, Jeanine said my business trips allow her time to bond with him alone. Apparently, I’ve become dominant mommy’¦ causing comments from her family like, ‘œwho would have guessed that Nina was so maternal?’
But back to the real work perk’¦ I’m now part of the parent club with work people. I find this is especially true with the dads. Dads love to talk about their kids with working moms. Before Sam, my personal life always seemed off limits. Not because of anything I was trying to hide’¦ I just found that men typically don’t pry’¦ especially when you’re over forty. Men never ask if you’re married, but they’ll ask if you have kids. It’s been fun telling guys that I’m a new mother, because all of a sudden you have this ‘œthing’ in common with the dads. And it’s just as peculiar to me as the mommy club strolling around our neighborhood on weekends.
But it’s currency that I have enjoyed spending. What about you? Whether you have kids or not, do you think moms and dads leverage parenthood? And if so, to what extent?
Photo credit: stock.xchng.
Leave a Reply