Mark_Gary

This week, Queercents interviews Gary and Mark in Southern California. They discuss the balance between saving & spending and how they have managed their money over the years.

How long have you been together?
Gary: Mark and I celebrated our 9th anniversary of togetherness on June 23.

How did money first come up in your relationship?
Gary: I think on our fourth or fifth date, Mark asked if we still needed to bother taking turns at paying for dinner, etc. I think we were both getting tired of keeping track!

Mark: We never really discussed money in great detail. Gary is the conservative one recording bills that we are jointly responsible for in Quicken. Most bills are split 50% with personal spending in separate accounts.

Checking and savings accounts: Joint or separate?
Separate.

What is your worst habit around finances?
Gary: I spend too much on dining, relative to my attitudes about other kinds of expenses. For example, I rarely consent to spending $100 for a show/theatre ticket, but I frequently spend that much on a couple of weekend dinners without hardly noticing.

Mark: I would have to say saving. I have two 401k accounts but could contribute more toward my personal savings account.

Do you rent or own and how do you divide the bills?
Gary: We have owned a home together in Aliso Viejo for 5 years. We split home expenses evenly. I manage most of the bills, and then keep a running balance for Mark.

Mark: Own primary home in Aliso Viejo: 40%/60% and own secondary home in Palm Springs: 50%/50%

What is the best gift your mate has ever given you?
Gary: I think the best gift Mark has given me was a handheld PDA (personal digital assistant) several years ago. I had always thought PDAs were more trouble than they were worth. But once I started using it, I was hooked. I can’t live without a PDA now.

Mark: The gift to allow me to bargain shop as a sport which makes me happy

Did your parents ever disagree about money? How did they handle it?
Gary: My mom managed the bills. Both of my parents were pretty thrifty. I think in later years my mom wanted to be a bit more indulgent with going on trips, for example, but my dad was resistant. For the most part, I don’t remember them openly arguing about money much.

Mark: No, my parents never disagreed about money at least in front of the kids. We always had what we wanted (spoiled?).

What is your most significant memory about money?
Gary: I suppose buying my first home (a condo in Laguna Hills, CA) is my most significant memory. I was 23, and it just seemed pretty scary and “grown up.” I had inherited some money to apply toward the down payment.

Mark: Spending too much of it in my early 20s. I acted like I had an unlimited resource. I look back and wonder how I could afford a condo, car, traveling, etc. on such a small salary (credit cards?).

What is success?
Gary: Within the scope of money, I think success is being reasonably comfortable and financially secure. I feel successful because I know I could financially handle being laid off, and because I have a solid nest egg growing for retirement.

Mark: Success is feeling very content about your personal and professional life. You always strive for different goals but they do not overwhelm you like they did in your 20s.

What would you do with your life if money were not a consideration?
Gary: If money were not a consideration, I think I would live quite leisurely. Lots of reading, daily exercising, modest amounts of traveling. I would probably also do some volunteering and take classes.

Mark: We do pretty much everything that we want to now. I think that everything would just be on a much grander scale.

What’s been your worst disagreement around finances?
Gary: Mark is the spender and I am the saver. We know that, so we rarely find ourselves in a bad disagreement. We usually negotiate. Years ago, before we were living together, when he wanted me to buy a new sofa at my old condo, I conditioned the purchase on his coming out to his parents and introducing me to them. To my surprise, he promptly came out to them and I met them within a few weeks, on Father’s Day no less. A new sofa (of his choosing, naturally) arrived soon after!

Mark: We really don’t disagree about finances.

What are your plans for retirement?
Gary: Our current plan is to retire in Palm Springs, probably sometime in our sixties. I’ll probably work part-time, perhaps as Mark’s assistant, if he decides to work for himself as an interior designer. Ideally we would like to have a coastal summer home in addition to a Palm Springs primary home. Who knows, since retirement is still about 20 years off.

Mark: We would like to retire in Palm Springs but also keep a coastal home. We would also like to continue to buy investment property for the future.

How do you pamper each other?
Gary: I bring him Skittles or Jelly Bellies when I come home from an errand. Don’t forget, I’m the big spender.

Mark: We pamper each other by visiting our vacation home in Palm Springs at least twice a month even in 100+ degree weather.

About:
Gary grew up in Glendale, CA and graduated from University of California, Irvine, in 1987. He is 41 and works as a computer programmer in Irvine for Realigent, Inc. and develops Web applications for the real estate industry.

Mark is 44 years old and Japanese. He was born and raised in Orange County and attended Villa Park High School. He has two Bachelors degrees: one in Business Administration and the other in Interior Design. Mark has been in Medical Sales for over 15 years.

If you would like to be interviewed for future installments of Money & Mates, then please contact nina -at- queercents -dot- com.