Jen and L
Queercents interviews J and L this week: they are young and in love! J and L talk about the ABC’s with money and this makes them wise beyond their years.

How long have you been together?
J: 1.5 years
L: We’ve been together since October 2004 — so, I guess about a year and a half?

How did money first come up in your relationship?
J: Hmm. I have never thought about this. Well, my girlfriend had never had a job until about a month into our relationship. She hadn’t needed to and focusing on her school was more important. It was then when I can remember her saying things about not being good with money, and how her parents never really talked to her about money. I had not gotten serious about managing my finances at that point. I don’t think we really sat down and started talking about budgets, savings, and retirement until we brought up the idea of getting “married” and her moving in before then. I think what really jarred me was wanting to give her a nice ring and needing to save up for it….then I realized I needed more of a emergency fund before I could consider a ring. We are very open and talk about everything, so once the money issue came up, we could talk freely.

L: Probably the first drink she ever bought me! I had been in relationships where paying the tab was a huge deal; she was probably the first financially secure person I had been out with. I was pretty impressed by her grown-up job and grown-up car and her swanky apartment. Yes, it worked.

Checking and savings accounts: Joint or separate?
J: Right now we have separate accounts. We are about to open a joint savings account. We will also most likely open a joint checking account in the near future, once we are both paying bills on the same living situation.

L: Right now, separate. I have my own checking and savings accounts, but I keep talking about getting a joint savings account just so we have something official with both our names on it. Of course, I bring this up once a month and forget about it, so we haven’t done that yet.

What is your worst habit around finances?
J: We love going out to eat! I think my main problem is spending too much money eating and drinking out.

L: Ohhh. I am a bad girl with money. She tells me it’s not nearly as bad as I think it is — I do save — but I have a hard time not spending money. Right now, I’ve been in a job I hate for awhile, so I rationalize things I want with “I’m so miserable working that I should at least spend the money I make on whatever I want.” Now, let me clear up the proportions I’m talking about: a twelve-dollar trip to Goodwill or a four-dollar loaf of bread or an Icee or a bubble tea. Not a three-hundred-dollar pair of shoes or anything, but it still makes me feel guilty. I need a budget so I know exactly how much money I have, and can stop feeling bad.

Do you rent or own and how do you divide the bills?
J: We rent right now. We don’t really divide any bills at this point. After she gets out of school and has her loans paid off, then we will split things. The only bill we split right now is the grocery bill and that is done 50/50. Depending on her job situation after culinary school (and after her loans are paid off), we have talked about spliting rent on more of a sliding scale. I don’t see much point in having her put money towards the rent when she will have loans that could be paid off in short time…but I guess if she paid me then I could pay off my loans faster…ahhh it is a vicious cycle!

L: Right now we rent; right right now, I have an apartment and she has one, too. The plan was to live separately for a year. That didn’t work out. I’m trying to find a subletter, but in the meantime, I’ve got rent to pay and so does she.

What is the best gift your mate has ever given you?
J: I have this small, little, blue capsule on my keychain that unscrews. There was a message in there when she gave it to me. The note says, “I love you”. I always have it with me, since it is on my keys and I love looking at it.

L: You mean besides her attention? Hmm. Probably my KitchenAid 12-cup food processor. I love it! It saves my hands when making pie crust and scones.

Did your parents ever disagree about money? How did they handle it?
J: I don’t really remember much about my time living at home, but I don’t think they ever fought too much about money. Oh, wow…I just now remembered something. Dad loves hunting and fishing and didn’t get to do it very often, but we moved to a place that had lots of rivers and such. Well, he wanted to buy a boat. Now, not a big huge boat that catches the fish for you, but a simple little motorboat (used) that would replace his little, metal, 50 buck boat. Mom pitched a fit (with a new pair of shoes on, I’m sure). He got the boat, though. I don’t know how they handled things like that. Those conversations usually took place in their bedroom. I think sometimes you just have to do what you want.

L: Yes, mostly because of my mother’s seeming inability to pay the bills on time, even when the money is there. They still don’t really handle it or talk about it, as far as I know — she’s still the one that keeps the checkbook. She won’t use the online register of all the transactions — she calls up on the phone and listens to them, then writes them down.

What is your most significant memory about money?
J: Realizing the biggest mistake I had ever made. I took out student loans when I shouldn’t have. I was in one of those horrible horrible relationships where someone just wears you down until you hardly recongnize yourself. These were college days and she encouraged me to take out student loans to help “us” by…when I was quite fine. Then, I graduated and had to pay these loans back…telling my parents that I needed a little help until I had a job was hard. Oh well, you live and learn. It hurts every time I make a payment, but sometimes I wonder if I would be on the same financial path withouth that. I don’t know if I would have paid much attention to finances if I hadn’t gotten into a little bit of trouble early on.

L: Probably what I’m most proud of: I saved everything from birthdays, Christmas, and odd jobs for two years to buy my dog in junior high, a purebred Rhodesian Ridgeback. He was a dear dog, very beautiful and sweet but very stupid.

What is success?
J: Being happy and being able to rely on myself and working towards your goals. For me, I work to live. I do have work goals and financial goals that I work towards, because I know that my job is what will get me what I want, financially and will allow us to live a life with less worries. I enjoy the days off, the afternoons and evenings with my girl…that is life for me. If we are not happy, then I haven’t been a success.

L: Financial success? Not having to worry about money. Ever. Being able to have what I want when I want it (little things), and being able to save for what I want (bigger things).

What would you do with your life if money weren’t a consideration?
J: I certainly wouldn’t work as much. I wouldn’t mind working or voluntering on a smaller scale. There definately would be a lot of traveling and camping going on. There are so many places I want to go. I love to be outside running around and would love to have more time than the weekend can give.

L: A few years ago, I would have said, sit around all day and read. Now, I’m pretty sure I would have to work. I would do just what I’m doing now — go to pastry school, get a job making pastries — only with less debt and more Icees involved. And I would just buy the books and the clothes I want, without waiting for them to show up at Half Price and Goodwill — no, I probably wouldn’t be able to bring myself to pay full price then, either.

What’s been your worst disagreement around finances?
J: I don’t really think we have had any disagreement around finances. She trusts me to make good decisisons and puts in her part and we talk about things very openly.

L: I don’t know if we have had one. I’m so paranoid about spending money — though I think I spend too much anyway — and I clear anything bigger than $25 with her, generally, so there’s not too much fodder for disagreement.

What are your plans for retirement?
J: I started a 401k with my first job out of college and now have a 403b with my newer job. I will continue to put money away for retirement so that we won’t have to worry as much as we would if we started way later. As far as what we will do? Ha. Well, I think that would involve living somewhere else…Seattle? Colorado?, staying active, and being madly in love.

L: I don’t have any. I know, that’s horrible. But I’m 23. I’ve had two “real jobs.” I have very little savings, most of which will be gutted by the time I start school again in July, and I’ll be in debt then, too. So I haven’t even gotten to the point where I have the luxury of worrying about retirement.

How do you pamper each other?
J: If I get my hair played with then I am one happy camper. I think we really listen to each other and are tuned in to how the other person is feeling and try to give them what they need. It could be going to play Ms. PacMan, a foot rub, or spending an hour in bed talking and giggling before turning out the lights.

L: Dinners out. Doing little things that need to be done for each other. She brings me sweet things and I do the laundry, she buys me flowers and sometimes I buy her flowers, too.

About:
L: I’m 23 years old and taking a leave of absence from graduate school in literature to go to culinary school for pastry. I grew up in Houston, went to undergrad in Chicago, and now live in Austin. I love my dog and my car, but my girlfriend most of all. Jen is 25 and the lead programmer for a local university’s distance learning program. She grew up in Mississippi and Tennessee before coming to Texas and meeting me. She’s smart, funny, and a darn good cook. Jen recently started My Young Guns to track her financial progress and our goal to save to buy a house.

If you would like to be interviewed for future installments of Money & Mates, then please contact nina -at- queercents -dot- com.