My best investment ever
My best investment is not the traditional sort of realized gain, but rather, the investment of time, love, and attention.
The investment was the decision that my spouse and I made before we started a family that one of us would stay home with the child until he was old enough for school. Dana and I were each raised in families with stay-at-home moms, and that was what we both wanted for our child. The problem, of course, was we both had careers, and since we started our family rather late in life, each of us had climbed halfway up the proverbial ladder. Who would jump off?
And how would we live on just one income? We had always had two, roughly equal, incomes. Having one of us stay at home would mean a significant change in our lifestyle. From “2 incomes for 2 people” to “1 income for 3 people.” Hmmm… Not favorable math.
The decision was one of the heart, not of the head. The math does not work out on paper, and giving up several years of salary is certainly our most expensive investment ever.
It was the right decision for us. Becoming parents changed our priorities. While I still enjoy the challenges of my day job, I can’t wait to get home at night and hear about what he discovered today. And Dana has discovered that paper mâché really can be more fun than reading global banking marketing analyses.
Living on half of our previous income has forced us to focus on what really matters. Now we actually talk (gasp!) about what we should spend our money on. Luckily, we agree on almost all financial matters. We travel and dine out less frequently. We had already acquired a houseful of furniture and stuff, so we hardly shop at all these days. Old Navy, IKEA, and Legos get our few discretionary dollars. Most of our friends are two-income families, so it can be tempting to keep up with the the Joneses. But we reign ourselves in. Sometimes we splurge, but we prioritize saving for retirement and education over the immediate gratification of water parks and Nintendo. We also hope we’re setting a good example for him, because someday he’ll have to make his own choices.
Having a stay-at-home parent is not the right option for every family, and I would fight to the death to defend the right of a woman to choose to continue her career. Quality daycare may be difficult to find, but it does exist, and it’s a better option for those who think staying home would be unbearable — better for the mum and better for the child.
For us, having a parent stay home was the right choice. We liked the arrangement so much that we continued it even after he began school. It’s great for him to come home after school to some activity Dana’s cooked up — even if it’s just helping with the shopping.
We celebrated today with a wonderful, if exhausting, day working in the garden, after watching “Toy Story 2” over breakfast. It just doesn’t get much better.
Happy Mother’s Day. Or, as it is at our house, Happy Mothers’ Day.
Photo credit: stock.xchng
Great post, Helen. I’m sure the other parents reading this can relate.
Helen: Before Sam was born, a post about the book, The Feminine Mistake generated quite a few comments (including one from Dana) on the topic of stay at home parents. The author believes that women (since it’s typically a woman) are giving up more than just “several years of salary.”
As many of the commenters pointed out on that post… it’s a complicated choice and one size definitely does not fit all. It’s nice to hear that you’ve figured out a formula that works for you, Dana and your son.
It sounds like your family had a terrific Mother’s Day!
I don’t think it’s a good investment, actually. It’s the kind of expense that investments (and work) are for.
And about the long-term impact, many workers don’t get promoted/pay raise etc. while they’re off, so that lost year translates into being locked in behind for the whole rest of your career – quite expensive in the end.
I think the work of raising kids and the world of paid employment are messed up enough than worrying about justifying our choices economically. If it was only about the money, no one would ever have kids.