‘œThe things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man [or woman] who’ll get me a book I ain’t read.’ – famous introvert, Abraham Lincoln

ThrivingWelcome back to this discussion of the thriving introvert. I introduced the concept in Part 1 of this series to rally and convince all you introverts that successful networking and self-marketing can become a part of your repertoire with 1) consistent practice and 2) keeping in mind that networking is all about showing people that you care about helping them advance. Now it’s time to dig in with the how and where introverts can network effectively.

Let’s start with the easiest methods and work our way up to the ones that require more work.

Blog Commenting

How is this networking? While the New York Times recently declared blog commenting the new call in talk radio, they also uncovered the mechanics of how to make a name for yourself by providing value to the lives of other people online. Allen Salkin’s article explains how one blog commenter became a world-renowned portrait photographer with his frequent and standout commenting on MetaFilter; a frequent Gawker commenter got a job promotion with his witty quips; and a high school football fan / expert turned commenting on message boards into a side-gig paying $20,000 annually.

Who knows and who cares if the referenced commenters are actually introverts? Point is: blog commenting opened several professional doors for these guys because they contributed their time and energy to an established community with interests similar to their own — all from the comfort of a solitary space and a computer.

Go ahead and share your nuggets of wisdom, witty remarks or valuable tips on the blogs you read. I can assure you that the next time a reporter asks me for an interesting person to interview, I’ll refer some loyal Queercents commenters.

Start Your Own Blog, Or Write For One

Blogging is a great way to introduce yourself to many people without getting crushed by a crowd. Better yet, you get to tell people exactly what you want them to know about you. It’s your chance to show the ideal you that gets clouded by the anxiety that small talk in social situations will provoke.

Peter Alexander wrote an article for Entrepreneur about Why and How to Start a Business Blog. The advice applies equally as well for marketing yourself. Alexander explains, ‘œUltimately, a blog can be a highly effective and low-cost marketing tool for differentiating your business from the competition and encouraging customer loyalty. All that’s required to be a successful small business blogger is planning, creativity, commitment and, most importantly, something worth saying.’ Introverts have plenty worth saying.

Rather than start my own blog, I decided to show off my writing chops on Queercents to get my name out there. The results have been outstanding! I’ve received a couple of paid writing assignments; interview requests; a handful of linkthroughs from big sites; spoke to a couple of prestigious newspapers for potential news stories (though I wasn’t quoted in print — hey, it still counts for something); and my resume actually gets acknowledged for jobs in online media for which I never would have been considered until I started blogging. I’m not yet a full-time professional writer, but slowly and surely I’m getting there with each post I write.

The contacts I made for professional writing before blogging: zero.

If you’re an introverted blogger like me, your name is probably out there, but you might not be taking full advantage of the contacts you make by maintaining those relationships. Keep reading to the end to find out how to avoid making that mistake.

Make the Large Gathering Smaller and Use Some Trusty Conversation Starters

Just about every resource I read confirms that you don’t have to meet a roomful of people to network successfully. There’s nothing wrong with going to an event with a list of people that you’re hoping to meet, people you’ve heard of by name, reputation or association, and then getting to know them.

Even if you don’t have a list of specific people in mind, instead of meeting a large group of people superficially, come up with a target number of people you’d like to meet meaningfully. Feel free to use Donna Gunter’s 10 conservation starters for your target group. They each probe deeper than inane questions or commentary that teach you nothing about a person and vice versa. Her questions from ApprovedArticles.com are:

‘œWhat is the product or service your business provides?

Tell me about your ideal client and how I might recognize him/her.

What projects are you working on right now?

How did you decide to go into this business?

What do you find most challenging about (your industry) these days? [I fill in the industry name in with banking, computer maintenance, financial planning–whatever is appropriate to the person with whom I’m speaking.]

Tell me about your community involvement. In what other professional or civic organizations do you participate and what role do you play in the organization?

How is [some current event] impacting your industry/business right now?

What do you most enjoy about what you do?

I’d love to hear one of your client success stories–how did you make a difference in the client’s life or business?

Who would be a good referral for you at this point?’

Of course you have alternatives to scripted questions. If you’re the type that loves a rule of thumb, here’s one by Ivan Misner at Entrepreneur: “A good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses each proportionally. A good networker asks questions and gets to know the other person. And once you know the other person, it’s much easier to solve one of their problems or ease one of their concerns.”

All these tips sounds lovely, but we introverts know how hard it is to initiate conversation with a stranger. Could it be that we avoid initiating because we’re afraid of sticking with the conversation?

John T. Carlsen explains, ‘œOne of the most important networking skills introverts can learn is recognizing when a conversation has no more potential. As an introvert, you probably have a natural tendency to become fully attached to another person or immersed in a conversation topic very quickly, often before the other person has even started to engage.’

Carlsen suggests that you, ‘œWork on increasing your awareness of how a given conversation is proceeding. As soon as you become aware that it is becoming awkward or coming to a close, or when you have started to run out of things to say, excuse yourself to get another drink or to use the restroom. No one will question your need to do either of these, making the disconnection more natural and smooth. Actually, the other person will often feel relieved as well that someone took the initiative to free him or her from this unproductive social interaction. In any case, always remember to finish with ‘˜I enjoyed meeting you. Thank you for a nice conversation.’ This leaves the other person with a good impression of you and leaves the door open to a future, possibly more productive, interaction, even later at the same event.’

Taking the graceful way out of a conversation is far less draining than prolonging and analyzing a conversation in real time. Come up with ways how you would like someone to wrap up a conversation with you, and try to use that method on someone else. Knowing there’s a safe escape makes getting into conversation and networking far less dreadful.

The Introvert Mafia

As a kid growing up in New York, I often heard all kinds of people say, ‘œWe take care of our own,’ and it always creeped me out. Over time I’ve learned that what seemed sinister about the saying as a kid actually makes a lot of sense as an adult.

Introverts are greatly outnumbered in the population, so we have to jump through some more hoops than extroverts to make professional connections and get our name out there. Why not help each other out?

If you see a normal looking person at a large gathering or conference who has an expression on their face like they’re ready to jump out the window, he or she is probably an introvert like you. Talk to them! All of us introverts have our own professional connections of some sort, and we all want to advance somehow, so let’s pool our resources. Odds are in your favor that an introvert would be happy for the company of another introvert at a large gathering. And for all you know, more people will want to come up to you and join your conversation and expand your network.

Volunteering

Ivan Misner adds, “Volunteering offers a great opportunity for meeting new people, many of whom could be future clients. Other people have become great networkers by joining their children’s PTA, coaching in a sports league, working on a fundraiser, or even coordinating or speaking at a political event for a local or national candidate.”

Never Eat Alone

I’ve given you plenty of methods to try on your own, but the most important part of networking is maintaining the relationships you make. Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi is one of the leading books on the subject. Trent at TheSimple Dollar wrote a great review that you should check out to see if this book could work for you.

But just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you don’t know how to maintain relationships. You’re probably a loyal, thoughtful friend, and you probably already know how to maintain friendships quite well. Could maintenance of networking relationships be much different?

I’ll let you know once I read Never Eat Alone and try out some of my own techniques for staying in touch and deepening my relationships in my growing network. Once I learn some more on the subject, perhaps I’ll write a post titled The Thriving Introvert’s Guide to Maintaining Networking Relationships. Until then introverts, practice your networking!