Partners and Money Attitudes

My partner, Surfgirl, and I come from quite different backgrounds. She came from a home that had a nanny/housekeeper and even rode to school in a limo for a time. Getting the car of her dreams was not hard as she was the youngest girl and had her dad wrapped around her finger. I, on the other hand, knew that if I wanted something beyond necessities I would either have to figure out a way to get it or just give up the thought of acquiring it. My mom stayed home and was the ‘housekeeper’ and the phrase, “save your money if you want it;” was most commonly heard after asking for something.

Though we both had backgrounds that were rich in experiences we would not give up, our attitudes towards money couldn’t be bigger than the Grand Canyon. When we got together that huge chasm became evident almost immediately. I had a credit card in my name, but a healthy fear of debt was instilled in me. She on the other hand, was used to very nice things, and so the art of balancing on a thin wire between what I grew up with and what I thought I needed, began.

3 years later, I filed for bankruptcy. I had gotten a taste of satisfying my impatience and it had landed me in hot water. Even after the bankruptcy it took another 3-4 years before our bad habits really started to break free from us. Some months were great, other months, not so wonderful.

Ultimately, it was a learning experience that we were willing to open our eyes and learn from. We had to or we would be back into bankruptcy court, dealing with even worse credit scores. Though I won’t say we are perfect when it comes to our finances, we are a world away from the people we were when we first met.

Growing up in opposite sides of the financial spectrum has taught us both. For Surfgirl, she has learned to put things off and wait for better deals, shop around and not buys on impulse, she has learned that value can be found at yard sales and thrift stores as well. I also have learned that hoarding money doesn’t bring the happiness I thought it would, that the world won’t end if you have ‘spendy’ day as long as you stay in budget and that cheap isn’t always the best value.

There are definite improvements that we can make, but ultimately, as long as we are willing to learn from each other’s ‘financial personalities’ and improve, there is nothing that we can’t do together.