The Egg Drop PostEva blogs at The Egg Drop Post where she’s narrating her path to pregnancy. ‘œLike the eggs in an hourglass, these are the days of our lives.’ Jeanine and I share her pain. Along with the squeeze on our savings. I asked her to give us the lowdown on her expenses and it’s a surprisingly familiar story. These are her words’¦

Paying the Price for My One and Only

While trying to get pregnant during the past year and a half, from time to time, I’ve written about the quest of the perfect donor sperm. Nadia, my partner, and non-biological mom in this equation, has been the fiscal conservative throughout our journey. I’m the starry-eyed optimist. Together, we make a pretty good pair, but due to a lack of foresight, we’ve had to use at least six different anonymous sperm donors. Unlike many lesbian couples, when we first began this madness, Nadia and I did not purchase and store a supply of donor sperm that would last throughout the many ups and downs of our quest. If we had to do it over again, we would do things differently.

Typically, things went down like this’¦

After a negative pregnancy test–when Nadia and I were ready to re-order sperm vials from our donor of choice–we often discovered that he was either retired or sold out. We’ve fallen in love with more donor profiles than we can count on one hand but, unlike many of our friends, we never dreamed it would take over eight cycles to get pregnant, so we always purchased exactly what we needed for the cycle at hand.

To store vials at our sperm bank, we would have to purchase a six month supply and pay for storage. The vials are around $500 each and the storage adds up. Being the eternal optimist, I never thought that kind of financial outlay would be necessary on top of everything else. I mean, in January when we were doing our taxes we realized that we had already spent more money trying to conceive than we had predicted–over $10,000 on blood work, fertility tests, doctor co-pays, donor sperm, and shipping costs. This outlay does not include the money spent on acupuncture and Chinese herbs. What can I say? Nadia and I like to keep our bases covered; drawing on fertility treatment from both western and eastern medicine and that comes with a price tag.

Over the past year and a half, the donor selection process morphed over time. Originally, we were interested in finding an anonymous donor who looked like Nadia and, believe it or not, someone who shared our values. Right off the bat, we found the perfect guy, Mr. South American. Oh, we were so naive back then and so in love. We only purchased two vials and when I needed more, we found out he was long gone.

What a let down on top of a negative pregnancy test!

After that, with each new cycle, it seemed as if we had to pick ourselves up and move on to a different donor, which was crazy making at times. One would think that we would have learned our lesson over time, but given the fact that I see the glass as half full and given the fact that Nadia doesn’t like to waste money, we’ve had to regroup and review new donor profiles on numerous occasions. I’m proud to say that all of the donors had one thing in common though, high sperm counts.

Even though I compromised many of what once were essential donor traits, there was one attribute that I insisted on having: a history of pregnancy. Nadia and I vacillated on the open and closed donor decision, race, height, and even donor IQ, but we both agreed that we needed someone with a positive track record. During this past year and a half, I’ve had South American social justice activists, African American guitar playing smokers, White engineers and construction workers, but during our last cycle, Nadia and I settled on the One, an East Indian donor.

Having been through the egg drop drama six times before, we decided to stock up on this one. We bit the bullet and purchased a six month supply with storage fees. If things work out, we will sell our sperm back to the sperm bank at half price. So ‘œMr. Storage Guy’ is the One; he could very well be the biological father of our child. We will use him for our upcoming in-vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle. We’re very lucky because this procedure will be covered by Nadia’s health insurance so we won’t have to pay the $7500 our doctor charges for the procedure.

As for our donor choice, it’s a bit odd because neither one of us is East Indian. We both, however, feel that we will add an extra dimension to our family. Our child will definitely be raised as both South American and Caribbean American by virtue of her parents but she will also have a biological connection to a culture we know nothing about. It’s going to be quite an adventure.

And even though it’s been costly, frustrating, and heartbreaking at times, I still can’t wait.

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Eva started The Egg Drop Post, a blog about life, liberty, and the pursuit of pregnancy, in March of 2007. Since then, she and her partner, Nadia, have spent over $10,000 in fertility treatments. They hope to get pregnant through in-vitro fertilization in the fall.

Photo courtesy of Mahadev.org & Vaishnodevi.com