Pressured to Spend
I wonder how many of you get pressured to spend money by (actually well meaning) friends and relatives.
Lets start with a bit of background. I’m retired but am back to work because I got bored out of my mind in a very short time period….and they have semi-reasonable health insurance and I have to have WAGES to keep contributing to my IRA’s plus I’m a LONG way from Medicare.
BUT…and its a big one….even though I am just a driver BECAUSE I worked my butt off for decades I am more “well off” than just about everyone at this company’s branch, including the General Manager.
Even though I try to keep it more “low key” it still tends to show up, particularly in my personal effects. I will NOT make any apologies (nor loan out) any of my Fountain Pens or apologize for digging out real sterling silverware just like I use at home to eat with because I hate plastic disposables. I worked my butt hard to be able to acquire these things over the years and am not going to hide them or apologize for owning them.
So more back to the point. There is a small group of us who go on cruises (one of them more than the rest of us) and they are planning a December Cruise.
For my vacation this year I was thinking more of the “staycation” idea, though I haven’t ruled out an overseas trip yet or even a two week Road Trip on the bike.
What I am getting from everyone is:
“you have plenty of money…do both…what good is it doing you?…what good is it having money if you don’t enjoy it?…stop being cheap….what have you got to worry about?”
I’ve tried to explain numerous times that I don’t have to go away to be content….that I’m just as happy sitting down reading a book at home as doing the same laying poolside on a cruise ship and while cruises are fun they are not the sole form of vacation….granted they may currently be the CHEAPEST form….but they are not the sole form….and maybe I LIKE seeing numbers greater than $0 when I open my monthly bank and brokerage statements.
Needless to say these are the same people who got upset (???????) because I replaced the bike when it got wrecked instead of buying a car….Hello!…I like the bike and I HAVE a pickup truck…the same excuses outlined above were given.
It gets tiresome sometimes when they start up but I’ve learned to sort of tune them out and tell them I have other plans and that its how “I” want to do things.
You can’t really get angry with them…they truly believe they are well meaning and….well….their friends and relatives.
If anything positive has come out of the current economic meltdown it has made them a lot less keen to start up the conversations again since they can’t afford the same level of spending they used too.
I know we all come under pressure from friends and relatives because we don’t believe in the “swipe the credit card” mentality of get it now pay for it later instead of saving up or deciding maybe we don’t need it after all.
How do the rest of you go about handling it?
How “thick-skinned” have you had to become when they start in on you?
Roland, we experienced this with our commitment ceremony. Not that people were pressuring us to spend money. But we specifically said “no gifts.” I understand the desire to give people gifts, but we didn’t want them. Yet people still gave us presents. It’s hard to get upset with someone who gives you a present. But I just don’t understand the pressure people feel to have conspicuous consumption as it relates to weddings and commitment ceremonies.
Well, I’m not as lucky as you, but when someone implies that I should go somewhere or buy something just because they are and I “can afford it”, depending on how well I like or dislike the person, I reply “That’s why I have what I have, I don’t spend it on things I don’t want or need.” The car has 142K miles, the TV is “only 42 inches”, and the house is a 30 year fixed fixer-upper that only cost $56K when two blocks away they go for $120-130K. Of course, the mortgage broker was the same way, “You can afford it, get the $95K with a 5-1 ARM!” If I had, my recent unemployment, and current underemployment would have me on the street. I explain that to the people who want me to spend money with them…
OH GOD YES!
I get this all the time.
I remember telling someone: I don’t buy designer anything.
She misunderstood and said: Why not? You can afford it! You should treat yourself!
I kept quiet, but what I meant was: I think designer items are nice, but not my style and I’d rather support independent and local designers… and I treat myself in ways other than splurging on designer goods 😛
I do get annoyed sometimes when people tell me: You’ve got the money! Spend it!
Yep. We get this too. If people knew how much we actually had, they’d be astounded that we live so frugally. But of course, we have what we do BECAUSE we live so frugally. I think it often comes down to asking different questions. When I was recently helping a friend establish a budget, he wanted to know how much he could afford to spend on housing. I, in turn, asked him how little he could spend and still be comfortable so as to have some $ left at the end of the month.
The “you should treat yourself” beliefs are very pervasive. I often say you should treat yourself to financial well being rather than ‘item under consideration’. It often falls on deaf ears though because people are really seeking community support for their purchases.
It really bothers me to hear “spend your money” from the people who did NOT earn it, so I never share details about my financial life other than the fact that I support my parents. It helps when the fundraising parents come through and try to spend my money for me too, though I know it’s a bit of a cop-out answer.
I agree with Carol, most people encourage you to spend so they don’t feel guilty or judged about their own purchases.