‘œS’ is the writer at of Doorknobs That Lock, a blog about 2 lesbians + 1 preteen son that equals a lot of interesting moments. She previously wrote a guest post about The “Three-Pot” Money System. Today, she posts about spending money on wedding rings. These are her words’¦

As we watch politicians wrangle with the latest economic mess, I can’t help but think of our government’s approach to financial problems just a few months ago. Remember the Economic Stimulus Act that George Bush claimed would “boost our economy and encourage job creation”? The rebate checks that, in retrospect, appear to have disappeared into Americans’ gas tanks and credit card debt and mortgage payments with barely a ripple? Well, I’d just like the current administration to know that I’m one American who did my part to stimulate the economy this summer with some of that money: I bought my partner an engagement ring.

My partner and I had been together nearly two years, and we had been talking about getting married eventually. But I wanted to go beyond general discussion and officially propose marriage to her, ring and all. For various reasons, some practical and some philosophical, neither my partner nor I was drawn to the idea of a traditional diamond solitaire. I knew my partner would prefer something closer to a sleek band than a ring with large protruding stones, but I was stumped on how to make it truly meaningful. And then late one night I had an “aha” moment.

“Mother’s rings” are rings designed to hold multiple birthstones, and the purchaser designates which birthstones to use. Traditionally, a mother’s ring would hold one birthstone for each of her children. Prices range a great deal, but overall these rings offer a very cost-effective way to have a personalized ring without paying for totally custom jewelry. My partner’s birthstone is diamond, and mine and my son’s are amethyst and sapphire. I realized that if I ordered a mother’s ring with her birthstone (or its much cheaper white topaz equivalent) in the center and the amethyst and sapphire on either side, then she would have a reasonably attractive ring that incorporated a bit of the diamond-for-engagement concept, and that would also reflect all three of us becoming a family. Mother’s rings are sometimes sold under the term “family jewelry,” and for us, this ring truly would be.

My preteen son, who had previously been somewhat skeptical whenever I had discussed the possibility of marrying my partner, absolutely loved the idea of a ring that represented the three of us. I think it was a concrete way to reassure him that marriage would be about cementing all of us as a family, and not about forming a relationship that excluded him. He helped me sort through many online sites for a mother’s ring with stones inset into a simple band, which we thought would appeal to my partner. Since some sites let you preview online what a ring will look like with your stone and color combination, my son and I also spent most of one evening giggling at the computer as we mocked up the most hideous rings we could imagine. I also emailed photos of our realistic top few choices to a handful of friends, to ask for their input. (Interestingly enough, all the gay men preferred one option, and all the women preferred another!)

To make a long romantic story short, I managed to lure my unsuspecting partner back to the scene of our first date. The proposal involved beautiful scenery and lovely weather and little birds chirping around and is a wonderful moment we’ll always remember — and yes, my partner agreed to marry me. She also loved the mother’s ring approach so much that we ultimately decided that, rather than her wear it as an engagement ring and get another wedding ring later, we’ll both wear matching mother’s rings as wedding rings, and skip having a separate engagement ring entirely. So ultimately, I suppose this is a story about choosing a wedding ring, rather than a engagement ring.

Oh, and as for the rest of my economic stimulus rebate? I’m sure the current administration would be pleased to know that now some of it can go towards a Massachusetts marriage license.

More about Doorknobs that Lock
Who they are:

S ‘“ the mom.

E ‘“ the girlfriend.

M ‘“ the boy.

1 cat and 2 hamsters 1 hamster ‘” our collective pets.

Ten years ago, with some help from a sperm bank, S became a ‘œsingle mother by choice’ to M. Two years ago, it seemed time for S to jump back into the dating pool. Meanwhile, E was giving online dating one last chance before turning into a crazy cat lady. S and E met, and pretty quickly realized that they had something wonderful. They’re still adjusting, all 3 of them, to life as a family together ‘“ a process that has proven more entertaining than they ever could have expected. Their blog can be found at Doorknobs that Lock.

Photo credit: stock.xchng.