Shame in Finance
In finance, there’s always something to be ashamed of.
If you live frugally, you have to reckon with turning down invitations and living with fewer or worn possessions; if your spending gets out of control you’re irresponsible. If you’re in trouble you’re ashamed to admit it; if you’re flush you’re ashamed to flaunt it. Broad funds invest in unethical companies, but stock picking or socially responsible funds are less successful investments. Money is a painfully taboo topic, even though much of the middle class is squeezed, those just below are desperate for balance, and those who need government or charitable assistance are often positively reviled.
When I write about my money, I find myself in an ironic double bind’”when I feel pressured or overwhelmed, it’s embarrassing to talk about my struggles, but when I consider the comparative ease of my single, childless, salaried, credit-card-debt-free existence in a wealthy part of the country, I’m ashamed of whining.
The fear, shame and paranoia that surround personal finance come bubbling to the surface in trying economic times. People deal with the fear of economic forces outside of their control by buckling down on that which they can control: spending, debt load, professional development. This focus on control, and on identifying and solving economic problems to avoid their recurrence, brings a fresh round of shaming. (To the shame of living above your means, or struggling with credit card debt, or being on welfare, we can add the shame of being a stupid subprime borrower or a greedy house flipper. What an exciting variety of new ways to hate yourself and others!)
To a certain extent, my resentment of this mass shaming is a political stance: I’m usually suspicious when large groups of people are blamed for being unintelligent or irresponsible, without analysis of the social, educational and economic forces behind their actions. But I think even for someone who puts more emphasis on individual responsibility, there is no value in making economic hardship embarrassing or taboo. No matter what you believe the solution is, problems don’t get fixed unless we talk about them’”preferably before it’s too late.
Melissa: Talking about money is a good way to gain awareness within ourselves and perhaps as a way to help / inspire others. Perhaps this is one reason why personal finance blogs are so popular. There’s no shame here so keep sharing!
It is important to recognize the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt comes from within – it is the acknowledgment to yourself that you have failed your standards. Shame comes from without – it is what you feel when you are caught doing something wrong. When I feel shamed without feeling guilty, I need to decide if I actually did something wrong, and need to repair it, or if I’m just sad I got caught, and need to work harder to not get caught next time.