Should You Come Out During a Job Interview
Paula’s recent post about being out in the workplace, along with my recent experience with the job interview process, got me wondering if it’s a good idea to come out during the job interview. I’m not talking about showing up in assless chaps and waving a rainbow flag – that wouldn’t be appropriate for any job interview, unless, of course, you’re hoping to become the bouncer at your favorite leather bar. But there are more subtle ways to out yourself during the interview process. So what are the pros, and what are the cons?
Rosie Kirk at Lesbilicious believes that there are many advantages to coming out during the interview process.
1. It shows you’re brave
Coming out is not easy. Homophobia is rife, and you never know how people are going to react. To come out to a stranger who wields power over you is therefore a brave decision. A smart employer will see that, and see the benefit of hiring someone who has guts and will stand up for themselves.2. It shows you’re honest
The unfair truth is that by not correcting an assumption of heterosexuality you’re being dishonest. After all, you can smile and nod when someone asks if you have a boyfriend, but what happens when they ask his name? Make up one lie and you’ll find yourself telling more and more lies until you’ve fabricated an entire life.
I think Kirk has some valid points (in addition to the two that I’ve listed), but I also think that the question must be contextualized by location and industry. Kirk is writing from the UK, where it is illegal to discriminate based on sexuality. We don’t have an Employment Non-Discrimination Act yet here in the US, so coming out during the interview process itself could be a big gamble, depending on the state you live in. If I were to interview for a job, I’d probably be interviewing at a progressive nonprofit, so it’s really not that much of a risk. But if I were in a more conservative field, like the auto industry or construction, I might not want to wave that rainbow flag so loud and proud.
What do you think? In your experience, is it better to be out and honest during the interview process? Or would you strategically release that information on a need-to-know basis? I’d love to get your take on the subject.
I think it might depend on who is interviewing you. Once you get to the actual people you are working with, that’s one thing. But if it’s just a gatekeeper, you might have a different answer.
At my last job, the whole application process kind of gave me the creeps (because it was filled with idiocy). I think I may have actually rolled my eyes once during the interview. (I was already pretty sure I had gotten the job I had interviewed for on my way to that interview, so I wasn’t as worried as I might normally be.)
But once I got the job, I learned that all the idiocy had come from HR who I never saw again. There was no idiocy at all among the people I actually worked with.
Good point about outing yourself with the actual people who you would be working with v. HR. Although, if HR is responsible for making sure that the anti-discrimination or harassment policies are enforced and they’re the ones doing the actual harassment, it’s not really the kind of company that I would want to work for, anyway.
As a recruiter, I have interviewed hundreds of people. Sometimes, they tell me things I don’t need to know (such as their marital status), and things I don’t want to know (about the end of their last relationship). In Canada, it is illegal to discriminate on the basis of many things, including sexual orientation. I find the example above interesting – what if the interviewer asks about your boyfriend/girlfriend? My rebuttal: Why is the interviewer asking something like that? What relevance does that have to the job? It makes me question the professionalism of that individual.
If someone comes out to me during an interview (usually in a passing reference to a same-sex partner), I smile on the inside to know I’ve got another queer across the table, but don’t let that affect my hiring decisions in any way.
Interesting topic, though. Lots of interviewees make reference to their spouses and opposite sex partners, so why shouldn’t we do the same?
After my adventure in the recession this February, I made it my point to “out myself” during interviews. If my orientation was going to be a hassle, I wouldn’t want to work there anyhow. And if domestic partner medical benefits weren’t available, working there wasn’t financially feasible.
I can just about verify I didn’t get two jobs I had multiple interviews for because of my honesty. But in the end, I landed right where I needed to be. Out of the 17 people laid off from my old work, I am the only one actually happy with my current job. Others took whatever they could, too scared from the economy. And sadly, 4 are still without work. They are the oldest 4 from the bunch; I feel they have the most experience and most to offer, but those hiring are just fearful of someone working for just a little while, then retiring. Ageism trumps homophobia it would seem.
My resume is pretty gay so I think I’m outed before I even show up for the interview. But, I do make it a point if I think I’m one of the final candidates or final candidate to have a candid discussion on organizational culture as related to LGBTQ issues. How the CEO or ED of a non-profit addresses questions around sexual orientation tells me enough about whether or not LGBTQ folk in the workplace will be a fit for me. I don’t want to work somewhere where I cannot be open about my wife and kids.
I was once interviewed by someone who mentioned her partner late in the meeting, and I did that happy leap inside… but I couldn’t remember if I’d referred to my partner already! (It would have been one of those offhanded references to a spouse, one I’m comfortable making.) I kept my conversation spouse-free from then on because I didn’t want to put this person in the very strange position of having to defend hiring someone ONLY because we had the gay thing in common. I would have loved to talk about what we had in common (job-hunting in a new city we’d moved to for a partner, something totally on-topic, which would usually involve gendered pronouns), but had to stay quiet in order to keep the interview on the professional side. It was an interesting reversal, since I used to crave being more open in interviews.
Bradley makes a good point I have been told and told again by many recruiters – there should not be any personal questions asked during a job interview. If they do, run away. Now, if they take you out to lunch or some social event, that is where I can see someone facing this issue.
On the other hand, Diva also brings up a good point – if you are already involved with someone, it may make a huge difference whether the benefits are extended to domestic partners. For single folks, that might be less of an issue.
This is an interesting question for the times. Employers can be very choosy about whom they hire and coming out during the interview process is likely to influence the hiring decision one way or the other. Interviewers know the culture of the place and whether someone will fit or not. They may have a nondiscrimination policy in place but know that a particular department would not be a good fit for a LGBT candidate. Regardless, I think coming out in a subtle and professional way is good in the long run because you WANT to be comfortable in your job. As an aside, I’ve found HR to ironically be one of the most discriminatory departments in a company.